Behind Blue Eyes
by Nozomi Shio
Summary: Trying to survive in a time of peace, Heero's heart slowly sinks into darkness. Like a divine savior, Fate leads him to another heart, also lost in darkness. Both are seeking absolution, and both will find it, behind blue eyes.(yaoi: 1OFC, 2x1).
1. Default Chapter

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DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for ff-net by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: www-duoxheero-com.

Please take in mind that the story _still_ deals with** MATURE THEMES** and is **RATED R**.

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

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**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART ONE**

.....

The rain was pouring hard over the gray streets of the city. The mirror-glass windows were slick with water and covered with vapor from the inside. People ran up and down the pavement, rubbing their glove-clad hands while their trench coats flapped behind them. The consistent drizzle painted the streets with a darker shade, gathering in mirror-like puddles. Heavy gray clouds trailed lazily up in the heavens, crawling along the city skyline as they sprayed it with icy water.

The traffic, of course, was unaffected by the chilly winter weather, and the humming of vehicles could be heard clearly over the rain. The colorful traffic lights glittered over watery car tops. They painted the puddles on the road with flashing colors of red, yellow and green, disturbed only when a car raced through the puddle, splashing about.

In this frigid winter morning, people did not bother too much with being friendly. They rushed along the city streets, hurrying to their office where it was safe and warm. They didn't spare each other one glance, their hands shoved deeply into their pockets and their gazes locked on the ground, trying to avoid the nasty puddles that tainted their path. Once in a while a person or two would stop, cursing as a car splashed them with water or after having their expensive shoes sink into a puddle.

Having all of their attention absorbed into their own selves, none of the passer-bys noticed the solemn young man walking among them. The man, barely out of his teens, was walking against the flow of people, hardly even trying to avoid colliding with any of them. His forlorn blue eyes were glued to the ground as he walked, his slim body shivering under his worn out jacket. The cheap brown jacket was wet from the rain, as was the boy's chocolate brown hair, which was plastered to his face. The pale features were blank and unrevealing what went behind the expressionless visage. The young man's eyes, though, told volumes of his past. Tales of sadness, anguish, hurt and longing hid within the mysterious blue oceans, as if held captive within an icy jewel-like prison.

The rain began to pour harder, and people ran towards their work place, some taking shelter inside the nearest skyscraper. The young man's pace did not change, and still he kept walking slowly towards his destination, uncaring that his clothes were wet and his wild brown bangs were dripping water. After some time, when the chilly breeze has already managed to make his lips nearly blue, the young man stopped in front of a small, modest, diner. With a sigh that raised vapor from his lips, he pushed the heavy glass doors and entered.

Once inside the simple diner, he was grateful for the heat that surrounded him. He quickly shed his soaked jacket as he made his way to the kitchen. His uniforms, a pair of simple black trousers and a white, blue and pink collared-shirt, were also wet from the rain. His boss, a scornful old man, flashed him a harsh look over his newspaper. He watched as the teen arranged his things in the kitchen, nodded his hello to the cook and then turned to greet him as well. No words broke through the teen's lips. It was the look in his eyes and the slight nodding of his head that spoke for him. The old man shook his head in disappointment and returned to his newspaper.

"You're late, Yuy. Get to work." He muttered sternly even as his young worker was already making his way out of the kitchen and out towards the service counter.

Not a word slipped passed the teen's lips as he arranged his post behind the cash register, his slender shoulders still shivering from the cold, his teeth also chattering. He took his name-tag from a small shelf under the counter and pinned it to his front pocket in distaste. He eyed the letters spelling his name, a bit of sarcasm in his otherwise cold blue eyes. Although the name-tag did say 'Heero Yuy', he couldn't honestly say that he had any other proof that it was indeed his name. As ridicules as it was, this silly name-tag was the only proof he had for even having a name. He carried no ID; he possessed no identity at all. As far as the modern, bureaucratic world was concerned, he didn't even exist.

Maybe that was the reason he should be a bit more mindful of arriving to work in time. Not many places nowadays would hire someone who didn't officially exist. As much as he hated this job, as much as he wanted to quit each time his boss gave him another lecture on whatever he felt like shouting at him at that moment, he knew that it was his only option right now.

The world was not kind to ex-soldiers with no identity. The post-war world was not as grateful as to be expected of it. He berated himself for expecting ANYTHING from a world that has so far proven hostile towards him. There wasn't a moment in his life in which he recalled feeling at peace with the world. His life was a constant struggle, even now, nine months and three weeks after the end of the war.

Despite the freezing weather and rain, costumers did start to pour into the diner. He took their orders, served their food, thanked them politely for a small tip and just let the day pass by him in an agonizing pace. He hated his life, but he became numb towards the feeling. He simply learned to accept it.

.....

Engulfed by bitterness, Heero finished his work for the day. He took his now dry jacket off the coat hanger in the kitchen, muttered an almost inaudible goodbye to his grumpy employer and left the diner. Outside, the wind was blowing hard, tousling his bangs wildly and spraying him with a cold shower of rain. He clutched his jacket close to his torso, as if the shabby piece of clothing will provide enough shelter from the cold. Unlike that morning, his pace was fast as he hurried towards the nearest bus station. He caught the bus just before its departure from the station, panting as he ran into the vehicle. He thanked the driver for waiting a second more, paid him and took a seat in the back of the bus.

Sighing, he slumped into the seat and wiped his damp bangs aside. He leaned heavily against the cool window, his numb blue eyes watching the city lights pass by in a blur. The streets were dark now, at this late evening hour. The wet asphalt roads and pavements reflected the many neon signs decorating the streets. Numerous people walked among the shops, despite the freezing weather. He thought about getting off by the nearest supermarket, but he had worked two shifts straight today and he was too exhausted to go and buy his weekly groceries. It can wait; he wasn't hungry anyway. He hardly ever was. He only ate because he knew he had too, and even those cases were becoming rare. He wasn't hungry, so why bother to spend money on food? It was just a big waste of something he was already running low on.

After a twenty minute bus ride, Heero was walking heavily towards his apartment building, his shoulders slumped and his gaze cast down. Though the rain had stopped pouring, the chilly wind was still howling, hitting his back harshly even as he entered the building.

Entering his small, one room, apartment, he dropped his keys on the small table by the door, and waddled tiredly towards his miniature kitchen. His movements were like an automaton as he placed a kettle on the stove and boiled some water. Opening the cupboard, he took out a large black mug, with a small chip and a crack on the edge. He sighed heavily as he worked through the motions, unthinking as his hands did the work they knew so well. His eyes showed how much the routine was killing him, but his hands still moved expertly, making a hot cup of tea.

Still in his wet uniforms, Heero sat by the small kitchen table, with barely enough room for one, and just stared ahead numbly.

The apartment was awfully quiet. The only light to illuminate the small flat was the dim light in the kitchen. Since the place was so small, it was enough to dimly light the living room as well. The sofa was open, taking the form of a small double bed. It took most of the open space in the living room, its edge nearly kissing the small counter on which an old 15" television set stood. A heavy quilt was tossed carelessly on the floor, the sheets tangled and messy - a result of another nightmare.

He didn't bother to clean up the room before he left this morning. During the war he kept his things tidy like a good soldier should. Folding his blanket each morning, military style, and stretching the sheets so well that one could flip a coin on them and the coin will bounce back up. But now... now things were different. There was no point. No point at all. To nothing, really. He had dishes from days ago still lying in the sink, waiting to be washed. He was just too tired, too drained of energy to do anything. Sometimes he was so tired that he couldn't even sleep.

He was cold. Inside and outside. He shivered in his wet clothing, the cool crisp air of the apartment digging into his skin. The heating broke down three days ago and the landlord was too much of a bastard to fix it. He would have done it himself, he surely didn't lack the skill for it, but the cold made him even number. He simply didn't care anymore.

He knew that he was depressed. He could recognize the symptoms well enough, but the paradox was that he was too depressed to even care.

.....

One of the few joys he had in life - maybe even the only joy he had left - was a warm shower at the end of the day. He spent nearly an hour sitting on the greenish porcelain as he let the showerhead rain warm water on him. The hot currents caressed his body, soothing the numbness and cold for a little while. He scrubbed himself hard, washing his hands so many times until they ached.

Sometimes he could see it, the blood staining his hands. It was a constant feeling of filth clinging to his palms, but sometimes, just for a brief second, he could also see the dark crimsion on his hands. The images were mere flashes of something that wasn't really there, but they were enough to convince him of its existence. When he showered, the feeling would disappear for a little while.

After making sure that his hands were red only because he had scrubbed them too hard, Heero stepped out of the shower. His skin covered with Goosebumps as he walked out of the bathroom and into the cool air of the apartment. He crawled into his sofa/bed, pulled the thick blanket as high as his neck, closed his eyes and pretended that he was dead. He pretended to be lying dead under the warm, soft, earth. Just lying still... listening to silence... The feeling was almost elevating. It was enough to sooth his mind for a few moments, just enough to relax and allow sleep to come.

The silent humming of traffic and the soft tapping of the rain on his window lulled him gently to sleep. In a matter of minutes he will awaken by a paranoid feeling that danger was nearby. The nagging feeling never left him be. He was going crazy, losing his sanity to mental residues of war. Feelings that stole sleep from his aching eyes, that jerked him awake and left him panting from fear in the middle of the night, were constant visitors to his sleep. They were even worse than the unvarying feeling of clotted blood on his hands.

Sometimes his mind would make up stories, sick fantasies of being watched. Being stalked. Tortured. Maybe even killed. He felt trapped, stuck in a corner with his back against the wall. He wanted to die and live at the same time. He wanted... all he really wanted was peace. Not the kind of peace he fought for, but the kind of peace that will let him sleep quietly through the night. He wanted someone to hold him. It was so cold...

Shivering in his bed, Heero closed his eyes tight and slipped into a haunted, restless sleep.

.....

Another day was over, marking the end of his long week. He had forty eight hours before he had to go back to work. He would have liked to work during the weekend, but his boss did not allow it. The old man insisted that he needed to get a life. Heero guessed that he simply didn't want to pay him so damn much. During this free time he usually slept, curled inside the warm covers. The rest of the weekend he spent working out, trying to keep in shape. There was no real reason for him to work so hard on his body, but at least if he kept himself busy, the demons would wait a little longer before haunting him.

And so, with the thought of a warm bed and a long sleep in mind, Heero made his way home. While walking the short distance from the bus station to his building, he stumbled into a woman, around forty or so, who'd apparently dropped her shopping bag and her groceries were scattered all over the pavement. He caught her sight just when she crouched to pick up her things, her hands feeling around as if she couldn't see. Lying at her feet was a long metal rod, a walking cane of some sort, or rather a guiding cane. It didn't take long for him to realize that she was blind.

Kneeling by her side, Heero reached for an orange and placed it carefully in her bag. "Here, ma'am, let me help." He said, which was probably the first thing he said all week that didn't involve the words "thank you" and "that will be a dollar ninety nine".

He could hear the woman gasp silently and turn in the direction of his voice. She seemed stunned for a moment, before her features hardened with a glare. "I don't need your help, boy, so back off." She muttered, her unseeing blue eyes directed at him despite her blindness. If he had to take a wild guess, he'd say that she was "looking" at his mouth, the sound of his voice like a guide to her eyes.

He looked down at the fallen groceries, his eyes scanning the scene quickly and assessing the situation. He noted that the brown paper bag had torn, its bottom ripped to half. By the amount of groceries lying around them Heero concluded that they weighed too much for such a simple bag. There was no way the woman could use the torn bag, nor would she be able to carry these by herself along with the guiding cane she had to carry. She needed assistance even if she didn't want it.

Taking a deep breath, Heero reached for another vegetable and began gathering the fallen items to his lap. "Your bag is torn," He replied in his regular monotone. "I can help you."

"I might be blind, boy, but I am not incompetent." The woman muttered harshly, her dead eyes managing to look scornful despite their blindness. Crouching in front of her, Heero looked up at her with a slightly baffled expression. He couldn't tear his gaze off her eyes. They were a very intense shade of blue, though they were dull and unfocused. However, despite the fact that her eyes had lost their light, there was still something burning within them. They were too hard, too harsh and unforgiving to be dead. Heero swallowed and hurried to look away. Those eyes were even more lifeless than his own eyes, in more ways than one.

Heero sighed and picked up that last of the groceries, cradling the large pile in his arms. He slowly rose to his feet and looked down at the woman. She slowly stood up herself.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, knowing that he had doubted the woman's ability and humiliated her. "I did not mean to offend you. The bag is torn, and the pile is quite heavy, so I thought..."

His voice slowly trailed off as he noticed that her features were slowly softening. He suddenly realized how beautiful the woman was. Despite the fact that she was old enough to be his mother, he had to admit that she was very attractive. Not that he was drawn to her, God forbid, but it was just something that registered somewhere in the back of his mind. She had long brown hair, which was a much lighter shade than his, and reached down to her knees. It was gathered in a simple braid, lying carelessly agaisnt her thick black raincoat. Her features were thin and her skin rather smooth for a woman her age. She was about his height, and her figure was slender. She had a very dignified air around her, something almost noble in the way she stood. Her body was rigid even though her features had softened a bit. He couldn't help but sense that she was feeling threatened by him. He wondered what could have made her so distrustful. Then again, considering the war that had raged not so long ago, he shouldn't be so surprised.

"I don't mean any harm." He finally finished, trying to look apologetic, though she couldn't possibly see him. "I just thought I could be of assistance."

The woman frowned, wrinkles appearing on her forehead. She seemed so suspicious of him, making him feel uncomfortable. "All right, if you insist. But I don't want to be of any trouble."

"You won't." He hurried to assure her. "I don't have anything better to do anyway."

The woman's frown deepened, like she was thinking over what he said. It made him feel even more self-conscious. She was probably wondering what kind of a strange looser he must be. He sighed and shifted the groceries in his arms. He felt like her unseeing eyes were, in some bizarre way, seeing straight through him.

"Very well then," the woman finally spoke, "My apartment building is right over here, so you won't have to walk far anyway." With this bitter explanation the woman flipped her hair back and began marching towards the nearest building. Heero followed her silently.

He wasn't overly shocked to discover that the woman lived in the same building as he did. She lived two floors beneath his, in an apartment not much bigger than his own. Her flat contained a bedroom in addition to the living room, and it also had a bigger kitchen. It was dark and moldy like a rat hole. He was surprised to find that she lived in such poor conditions. He somehow assumed, with no good reason really, that the woman's place would be different. Brighter, well decorated and filled with some pleasant scent. It was not the case. Her apartment was as cold as his was, dark as his was and just as messy. He assumed that she simply didn't have the need to decorate the place. She couldn't see it anyway. Still, it could have been nice because... because of what? He had no idea. All he knew is that it bothered him greatly to see another human being living a hell similar to his.

"Are you going to come in or just stand there and stare?" The woman half said, half growled at him. "If you say you live in this building, you shouldn't be so surprised." She muttered, walking into the small apartment, her long braid swining from side to side as she walked.

Heero turned to look at her, his expression stunned. She seemed to read him so well even without seeing his reactions. Was it just a good guess? A bitter assumption? It can't be just a simple coincidence. Ah! Why was he thinking about it so hard?! He should just finish what he started and move on with his life.

He stayed long enough to help her place the groceries in place. The pantry's door creaked when he opened it. He wasn't stunned to find it mostly empty. There was only a half empty bag of rice and two can of some kind. The woman - he still didn't ask for her name – placed the rest of her shopping in the small refrigerator. Heero noted that the old fridge was in desperate need for cleaning, but he didn't say anything. It was none of his business.

When he was done, he merely stood there for a second, staring ahead. The woman was searching around with her hands until she found a small rusty kettle. She felt her way to the sink and filled it with water. Heero watched as she placed it on the stove and then began looking around for something else. A moment later and she still could not find it. Taking a deep breath, Heero walked over to the stove and reached for the small shelf above it. He picked up a small matchbox and handed it to the woman.

"Ma'am," he said to draw her attention, but she was already "looking" at him with those accusing eyes of hers. Heero swallowed and placed the matchbox in her hands. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, backing away from her. "I'll... I'll leave now." He added quietly, slowly turning around to exit the kitchen.

"Wait," she called after him when he was nearly at the door.

Heero stopped and turned around. He saw her standing at the kitchen doorway, staring in his general direction. Again he was reminded that she couldn't see him, which called for a verbal reply. He was speaking more than he had all week. Maybe even a month.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, trying to sound concerned though his voice was still a detached monotone. He hated it so much. He sounded as cold as he felt.

The woman's frown disappeared. "Well, I suppose I should at least thank you." She muttered as if she was displeased by the idea.

"There's no need to thank me, ma'am." Heero hurried to reply, shaking his head. "I've done nothing out of the ordinary."

The woman snorted. "Helping a total stranger is something out of the ordinary nowadays."

"I was just a nuisance and I have offended you. I apologize, and I don't want to be thanked for it." He turned back to the door.

"So, you're not going to tell me your name?" The woman called after him again, her tone stubborn and demanding.

Heero froze with his hand on the doorknob, bowing his head slowly. "You can call me Heero." He said quietly, opening the door. "Good night." He added warily and quickly slipped out of the apartment.

The woman continued standing at the kitchen doorway, gazing unseeingly at the direction of the door. There was a sad and disappointed look on her face as she slowly closed her eyes and turned back to the kitchen.

New Year's Eve of A.C 198 was even colder than the rest of the winter days. Rain was pouring hard over the city, washing the buildings and creating rivers instead of roads. Still, the streets were packed with people walking along the main entertainment districts of town. Neon signs glowed with a colorful aura, the streetlights surrounded by a glowing sphere of light created by the falling rain. Fog was crawling along the pavements, rolling down the streets like it was a living thing in itself.

The weather might have been gloomy, but the people's joy was overwhelmingly great and the city radiated the public's happiness. Sounds of cheers and music filled the damp streets. Cars passed by, splashing about as the sound of their horn played some silly melody. Once in a while a large van with huge speakers on its rooftop drove by, a few crazy teenagers standing on the roof or out its windows, dancing and calling out loudly. Even the security guards at the entrance of the clubs had to smile at the sight. These were the same 'teens' who fought bloody battles a year ago. There was more to celebrate besides the New Year. It was a celebration for peace, and the signs decorating the streets did not forget to remind people of that fact.

Wearing his shabby brown jacket and a pair of jeans that were already soaked with water, Heero walked down the streets. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his head was bowed as he kept watching the sidewalk. His wet bangs swung lazily back and forth, some plastered to his face. He passed by a gigantic sign that colorfully announced- 'One year of peace and still counting!'. A large digital clock accompanied the words, the bright red digits counting the minutes of peace. There was also a flattering picture of the ultimate representative of peace- Ms. Relena (Peacecraft) Darlian. Heero shivered and just kept walking.

He walked the streets at night, without any real direction. He passed slowly by shopping centers, theaters, parks and other entertainment areas, but didn't take the time to stop and have more than a glance. He was cold and shivering, his mood gloomier than ever. He had just greeted the new year in some shady bar, making a half-hearted toast for peace along with a drunk that sat by his side. After the real party started and people began to greet the New Year in their own ways, Heero just slipped out of his seat and left the bar.

He had no idea why he had gone out tonight. He rarely did. Only once in a long while he would go and have a drink somewhere, always alone, always brooding. Tonight was no different. He sat at the bar all by himself, isolated from the happiness around him. He sipped his beer slowly and then left when the couples on the dance floor began showing their affection in light of the New Year. It made him feel even lonelier.

With his hands shoved securely into his pockets, Heero walked down the different boulevards. He kept his gaze on the movement of his feet, his entire demeanor closed off and introvert. It was as if he wasn't part of the world around him, trapped inside an invisible glass bubble that followed him wherever he went. He saw people laughing, enjoying themselves, but none of their joy managed to brush onto him. Even the loud beat of music ascending from the different clubs and buildings fell on deaf ears. There was no sound or warmth coming into his bubble. What did manage to break in, he ignored.

He didn't feel like going home yet. His empty and cold apartment was something he was not ready to see yet. If anything, he should at least _try_ to surround himself with human company tonight. New Year's Eve was the worst. The nightmares were even greater and he did everything in his power to stay away from bed. All he ever did at home was to sleep. He couldn't afford to go to sleep right now. He should at least wait till daybreak. In the daytime, the nightmares were easier to bear.

So after hours of walking, he decided to enter one of the nearby theaters. He bought a single ticket and entered a late-night movie. The theater was rather empty and only a few couples were making out in the back seats. He ignored them and focused his tired, blood-shot eyes on the screen. It took him too long to realize that it was only cheap porn, and when his cheeks were red enough, he left. Disheartened, he returned to the silent avenues of the large city.

It was past three in the morning and the streets were emptier than before. Still the clubs were flooding the streets with music and various people gathered in groups wherever he looked. In this part of town, among all the XXX theaters, stripper clubs and other questionable entertainment means, he could see many 'one-night' couples walking about. Creatures of the night who aimed to seduce and rob you of your money in exchange for a few hours of pleasure. Once in a while a car would stop in front of one of those creatures and the bargaining would begin. Some couples were already making their way to the nearest motel. Heero ignored them and decided to just call it a night. He made a mistake by even trying to go out.

Walking with his eyes 'glued' to the ground, Heero didn't even notice it until he bumped into someone. Sighing, he looked up and mumbled an apology.

"'s alright." A female voice with a heavy Southern accent answered in mild amusement. "Had too much ta drink, have ya?"

Frowning, Heero looked up. He ran his bored blue eyes up and down her skinny figure, examining everything- from her high-heeled boots, the black-netted pantyhose, the short leather skirt, and the white fur coat that barely reached her slim waist. Her face was painted with a lot of makeup, making her look like some doll out of a Stephen King horror flick. All in all, he was not impressed but she didn't seem to notice for she sent him a seductive smirk and changed into a more 'inviting' pose.

"Like what you see?" She droned seductively, batting her eyelashes.

Heero didn't answer, his eyes suddenly taking note of the long black hair that cascaded from her head and down to her knees. It was probably the only thing about her that was somewhat attractive. He turned his gaze up again, but his mouth remained shut.

The hooker smiled sweetly. "It's a shame to see a pretty thing like you walk alone on a night like this... Care for some company?" She said, taking a few slow and graceful steps towards him. When she saw that he was not backing away, his eyes fixed somewhere between her ass and he knees, she smiled and wrapped an arm around his. She leaned to whisper in his ear, "I can make you feel real good for a really good price."

Heero swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He could feel her press her body to his, hip to hip, side to side. The warmth coming out of her was almost intoxicating. His mind was already a bit fuzzy from drinking, and the heat at his side was only making it worse. After all, he was always so cold...

"How... much?" He asked, his voice shaky.

The prostitute smirked and leaned her head on his shoulder. With one arm still wrapped around his own arm, she reached a second hand to run gentle fingers up and down his thigh. "We can discuss this on the way." She whispered in a low and sexy voice, her fingers trailing slowly up and down, brushing close to his crotch and then again. She smiled as she felt a shiver run through him, his knees almost giving way. This boy was going to be fun, she decided and began walking forward. She had to pull him with her the first few steps, but then he began walking on his own. She practically melted against his body, smearing herself on him as she led him to the nearest motel.

(Censored Lime Scene)

He had no idea what he was doing. This was probably just one big mistake. He shouldn't have come here. He shouldn't have been so easily convinced. But... but the need for company was too great. The urge to feel, to live, to be wrapped in warmth, suppressed all logic. He wanted this. Yes. He... he did. He wanted this. Didn't he?

Taking a deep, shaky, breath, Heero slowly looked up from the floor. He took a moment to scan the small room. There was nothing there but a lumpy old bed, a small window with dusty drapes, a tiny dresser and a bottle of whisky lying on it. The room was dark, and the only source of light was the red and green of the motel's neon sign outside the window. It cast an eerie aura on everything, reminding Heero of some hellish dream or a twisted reality. The bed was lighted with red, and the room smelled badly. Like cheap sex and liquor. Looking down at his hands, he could see that he was painted with green. His hands were sweaty and suddenly the room was too hot. He didn't want to be here.

"Make yourself comfortable." The hooker spoke softly, still facing the door as she shed her fur coat and slipped out of her boots. She turned around from the door and looked at the young man standing in the middle of the small room. Despite the fact that he was still wearing his wet and shabby jacket, she could see how stiff and tense he was. His expression was somewhat lost and confused. She almost pitied him.

Sighing silently, she forced a smile and approached him slowly. "Would you like me to turn the light on?" She asked, just to get things going.

The young man was still staring down at his hands as he silently mumbled, "No..."

The woman nodded. "All right." She said and stood before him. She reached a white and slender hand to his chin and carefully raised his head up to look at her. She pinned him with her sharp gaze, taking a moment to assess what she was dealing with. She smiled sweetly when she realized that his boy was younger than her. Just a lost and confused little boy.

She scanned his thin figure up and down, focusing briefly on his groin before looking up into his nervous eyes. "First time, huh?" She concluded with a smirk, which made Heero even more uncomfortable. Without even noticing, he took a small step back.

"N-no. It's... not." He mumbled, his nervous blue eyes shifting restlessly from one spot to another, as if sensing danger. He was feeling like the room was closing in on him, the walls and the ceiling crushing him down. He wanted to get out of there, to flee into safety, but he refused to move. He will not give up so easily. He reminded himself that _he_ was the one in control of the situation, not the other way around. He was the one to choose this. He was the more powerful one, the dominant one. Not the other way around. He was in control. No harm would come to him this time. He was in full. Control.

Then why did his legs feel weak? Why was he trembling under his jacket? Why was every nerve in his body screaming at him to flee? What was wrong? He wanted this. He did. He needed this, desired it. He wanted to drown himself in something intoxicating and wild. Something that will give him warmth, envelope him with pleasure. The company of a fellow human being... such close intimacy... he longed for it. He wanted it. He was going to control it! Not the other way around!

"Have you ever been with a woman then?" The hooker asked again, her voice sweeter and less accusing than before.

The boy did not answer. He did lower his gaze though, and that was enough of an answer. She sighed quietly; her hands beginning to slowly travel over her own body. She began performing a little striptease for him, moving her body in a slowly and seductive dance. It took the young man a while to notice, and when he finally raised his head up he was transfixed. The prostitute smirked and began stripping and teasing him more boldly. Soon enough she was standing only in her lacework panties, looking at him with a lustful gaze.

Heero swallowed and fidgeted in his spot. He wanted this. He did. He... he did.

She was annoyed by his impassiveness, but she was too much of an expert to let it show. Instead, she took his sweaty hand in hers, and gently guided it towards her body. She spread his palm and let it lie on her breasts. She flinched at how cold he was and her skin covered with Goosebumps. She could feel his nervous eyes on her, watching his hand on her skin like it was a dream of some sort.

"It's your turn." She whispered, leaning forward and reaching her hands to his jacket. She slowly peeled it off him, letting it slide down his shoulders and to the floor. He barely responded when she slipped her experienced hands under his shirt. She smirked happily when her fingers encountered his muscled flesh. If nothing else, at least this boy had the proper body.

Heero closed his eyes tight, trying to resist the urge to yank the hooker's hands off of him. He bit his lower lip when she began teasing his nipples, his heart beating faster, not with lust but with fear. The mantra began again, swirling in his head. He had chosen this; he was in control of this. He was the dominant one. The stronger one. The one who's in control.

However, no matter how many times he repeated the mantra in his head, he still couldn't relax enough and let himself enjoy this. His body did not respond to her teasing. The fear was too great, the painful past overwhelming him.

When she finally shoved her hands down his pants, Heero flinched and pulled back.

Annoyed, the hooker rolled her eyes and sighed. "What is the matter with you?!" She demanded in her heavy accent.

"I'm... I'm sorry." He mumbled, his cheeks burning with shame. He couldn't even get himself up for her. His heart was beating too fast. It hurt. "I'm... It's just... it's... it's h-hard for me t-to..." He stammered, blushing furiously and keeping his gaze on the floor. He wanted to get out of there so badly!

"Oh." She let out, and then suddenly smirked. "I see..." She continued, her voice taking a seductive tone again. "It's nothing I can't help you with..." She assured him, taking a few steps forward and closing the distance between them. In a second, her hand was down his pants and gripping him tightly.

"N-no..." the word slipped out of his lips before he even thought of protesting. He was losing his control. He was not in control at all! It was just like... just like all those other times...

He pulled away from her, panting.

"...stop." He asked, taking a few steps back, his whole body trembling with the aftermath of their actions.

Anger flashed on the hooker's face. She eyed him in annoyance. "Fine." She spat, throwing herself down on the bed and flipping her long hair back. "What's the matter boy, girls don't do it fer ya?" She teased, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Maybe all you really need is a good fuck in the ass. I know someone who can help you." She smiled teasingly, mockingly, looking at him with a pair of disdainful eyes.

Fucked? Oh, he's already been fucked well enough. Fucked up by life, fucked by J, by drunken OZ soldiers... he had enough of being fucked. He just wanted... he just wanted someone to hold him... Someone to chase the cold away. To make the loneliness disappear.

"Can't we just... just... talk?" He mumbled uncertainly, looking up at her with shimmering blue eyes.

"Talk?" She let out, surprised. "You just want to talk?"

Heero nodded.

The hooker sighed. "Fine." She muttered, rolling her eyes. "It's your money." She tapped on the bed, gesturing him to come and sit by her side.

His legs were still trembling as he walked over to the bed and carefully sat down beside her. He moved away from her, so that their bodies won't touch. His body was stiff and rigid. He was nervous and uncomfortable. For a long while he just sat there with his hands on his knees and his gaze at the floor. His eyes glazed over as he just kept staring at the tip of his shoes, thinking about nothing. Somewhere in the back of his mind his own screams echoed from within a dark OZ prison cell, his voice, hoarse and pitiful, begging someone to stop.

"Stop! Stop it! Please! Please stop..."

Heero shivered and closed his eyes. The screams slowly faded.

"Maybe you should go." The woman suggested with an impatient voice. She sighed and leaned back on the bed, pushing her long hair back. "You're just wasting yer doe and I got more cooperative customers waiting for me on the streets."

Heero sighed heavily, slowly opening his eyes. Without a word, he got up, pushing his body off the bed with great effort. He didn't look back at her as he walked to the door, stopping just to pick his jacket from the floor. It was still wet and he felt so terribly cold as he slipped into it. Mumbling a small "thank you", he walked out of the room, leaving a fifty-dollar bill behind him.

It was half past five in the morning when Heero finally arrived to his apartment building. Dawn was breaking outside the dark lobby, washing the wet streets with a faint white glow. The elevator was malfunctioning again, so he had to take the stairs. When he finally arrived to his apartment, exhausted in every way possible, Heero collapsed on his sofa/bed and slipped into a dark oblivion.

He awakened ten hours later by the feeling of hunger. His stomach growled furiously, and it felt like the sound of it was echoing inside the famished organ. The feeling of nausea and emptiness reminded him that he hadn't eaten in nearly three days. He moaned in displeasure, not ready to wake up yet. This new year had nothing to offer him; he just wanted to stay in bed forever. He nestled himself deeper into the warm covers, pulling the blanket over his head to hide from the light coming from the window.

His stomach growled again, almost painfully. He was so terribly hungry. Opening one eye, Heero peeked ahead from behind messy bangs. He pulled the blanket down a bit so he will have a good view of the kitchen. The refrigerator was standing there silently, heavy, bulky and indifferent to anything around it. His whole apartment looked like it didn't care for him at all. Sometimes he felt like it didn't want him there. Even inanimate objects disliked him.

The heck with them, Heero decided and hurried to hide under the blanket again. It's not like the stupid fridge had anything to offer him. It's probably empty anyway. He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his empty stomach and go back to sleep. After about half an hour he found that sleep had deserted him and there was no gaining it back. Sighing, he sat up and slowly got out of bed. Picking up a discarded towel from the floor, Heero flipped it over his shoulder and headed to the bathroom. His blue eyes gleamed with bitterness and sarcasm.

So this is AC 198...

He allowed himself a long shower and then quickly slipped into the cleanest looking clothes he had lying around. He rummaged through every pocket he had for a few ragged bills until he had enough to buy himself something small to eat. Running a hand through his unruly, uncombed, hair, he stepped out of the apartment and headed down the stairs.

When he made his way down, walking across one of the floors bellow his, he was surprised to see that woman, his blind neighbor, crouching on the floor in front of her apartment door. His eyes were drawn to her long brown hair, which fell smoothly over her back, glowing under the dim light washing the hallway. By the way she was feeling around with her hands he could tell that she was searching for something.

He stopped for a moment, standing by the stairs. He could easily continue his journey down and ignore her, but for some reason he felt that he shouldn't. She might not be the nicest of people one could offer help to, but he couldn't just leave her. Sighing to himself, Heero marched towards her, his footsteps silent against the cheap carpet that decorated the hallway. Despite his silent approach, the woman turned to 'look' up at him when he was about to reach her.

"Who is it?" She asked, her voice distrustful. There was a scowl on her face as she moved her head slightly from side to side, as if searching for someone.

"It's me again. Heero." He answered, his voice coming out callous and numb, even to his own ears. "I helped you a few days ago."

"Yeah, I remember." She muttered, lowering her head again as if looking at the floor. She sighed in annoyance. "Will it be too much to ask for your assistance once again?"

Heero shook his head, and there was a brief silence until he realized that he should offer a verbal reply. "Not at all, ma'am."

"Nora." The woman mumbled, head still bowed. She was still kneeling on the floor, so her voice came out a bit muffled.

"Pardon?" Heero asked innocently, kneeling down by her side.

The woman sighed in annoyance. "My name is Nora, so stop calling me 'ma'am' all the time. It makes me feel so damn old!"

"I'm sorry." Heero apologized earnestly. "I didn't know your name."

"Well, obviously!" She growled, waving her hands in the air. Heero couldn't help but feel like he was just bothering her again, instead of helping as he intended to do.

"I lost my key." Nora suddenly said, her voice silent as if she was actually ashamed of asking for his help. "I've searched for what feels like hours, but I can't seem to find it." She explained with a heavy sigh, her hands feeling around as if to prove her point.

Heero nodded in understanding, his eyes already scanning the scene in search for the lost key. It didn't take him long to spot it lying inside a small crack between the wooden floor and the wall, partly tucked beneath the carpet. It was rather hard to find by feeling around, and the only reason he had spotted it was because the tip of the metal key caught some of the light pouring from the hallway window and sort of "twinkled" at him. He reached two slender fingers to carefully retrieve the fallen key. He handed it to the woman.

"Here you go." He said, nudging the key close to her hand until it poked her a little. She quickly turned her palm around and took it from him.

"Thank you." She mumbled, getting up. Heero followed suit, standing in front of her while trying to think of a way to say goodbye. He was stunned to see her smile at him all of a sudden. It was a small and bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"You saved me again." She stated in mild amusement, her blind blue eyes looking at his general direction.

"It was nothing." He assured her. The silence returned and the atmosphere seemed heavy all of a sudden. His stomach was still demanding to be fed, calling out angrily for his attention.

"Are you hungry?" Nora suddenly asked, and Heero's cheeks reddened a little. Was it possible that she had heard him?

"Uh, I was just on my way to the store." He mumbled in a useless attempt to sound less embarrassed than he was.

The woman nodded slowly, looking thoughtful all of a sudden. The silence returned between them, until Heero decided that it was time to leave. He was just taking a first step backwards, when Nora spoke again.

"Heero," she began rather silently, just gaining his attention.

"Yes?" He asked, turning back to face her. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden a small bud of hope was blossoming inside him. He hated hope. It only made the pain worse when it was crushed along with all other feelings he had managed to salvage.

"Well, it might sound a bit strange, but..." She continued sheepishly, shifting her weight from side to side. She flipped her long hair back in a nervous gesture.

"What is it?" He urged her, his stomach growling again as a wave of dizziness and nausea coursing through him. He should really get some food into his system.

"Well, you see, I've prepared an osechi last night, and I seem to have made too much, so..."

"Osechi?" Heero cut in, raising an eyebrow.

A sheepish smile appeared on her lips. She nodded. "Yes. It's Japanese. It's a customary meal for the New Year."

Now he was frowning, quite confused. "Japanese? H-how did you know I was Japanese?"

Nora seemed stunned, her expression confused. In less than a second, she was smiling again and shrugging casually. "Ah well, I mean, I heard it. In, in your voice. You have a slight accent." She let out in a rush of words, turning her head aside for a moment.

"I do?" He wonered out loud.

"Don't worry, it's hardly noticeable." She hurried to assure him, only now turning back to face him. "It's just that I have a very acute sense of hearing. And, uh, your name, of course!"

"Oh." He let out, still confused. The silence returned for a few moments more, until Nora spoke again. She took a step towards him, raising her eyes to his general direction.

"So... would you... would you like to join me?"

There was something almost desperate in her voice. A sort of a lonely plea he knew all too well. He could easily sympathize with it for it was the same pain running through his own veins.

"Um..." He stammered, still thinking if he should. He didn't know what to make of this invitation. One minute this woman was bitter and distrustful and a moment later she invites him in for a meal? And a Japanese meal nonetheless! What was going on here?

"It's just a token of gratitude." The woman assured him, her voice slightly shaking for some reason. "I'm sure you don't want to spend the first day of the New Year with a grumpy old lady, but..." Her voice trailed off and she sighed. He could see her shoulders slump and she slowly turned to the door. "Oh well, it was just a thought..." She mumbled, trying to get the key into the lock.

Taking a deep breath, Heero allowed himself a small smile – it's not like anyone could see it - and nodded his head. "Sure," he said, walking to the door as well. "'I'd love to."

Nora nodded in acknowledgment, hiding her own smile for she had heard the smile in Heero's voice. His tone was lighter when he smiled. She decided that it suited him better to smile, and quickly opened the door for him.

"Please, come in."

.....

He fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat as he watched Nora wander around the kitchen while warming up the small meal. He felt nervous for some reason, out of place. He was silent as he watched her arrange the table, feeling like he should help her out but not having the nerve to offer. He was afraid to disgrace her. The only sound in the kitchen was the clacking of the silverware against the table as Nora carefully lay it down. Heero wondered if he should say anything, but nothing came up. The atmosphere was heavy for some reason. He wished badly that it wasn't so.

Looking down at the knife and fork lying in front of him, he finally thought about something to say. He looked up in her direction where she was standing by the stove and making some tea.

"Isn't it customary to eat it with chopsticks?" He asked, his voice coming off as too loud in the silent kitchen. He swore that he could see her flinch, like she was unused to hear someone else's voice.

She chuckled bitterly, picking up a kettle and carefully pouring water into a couple of mugs. "Have you ever tried eating anything with chopsticks while blindfolded?"

Realizing his foolish mistake, Heero bowed his head and berated himself for his foolishness. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, deciding it will be better to keep his mouth shut for he obviously had nothing useful to say.

"It's all right." She assured him, walking over to the small kitchen table with two steaming mugs in her hands. "I sometimes forget I'm blind as well. I keep expecting to see the light when I wake up each morning."

Heero swallowed, debating whether or not to ask the obvious question. His curiosity and the need to break the silence won over his sheepishness. "Were you..."

"Always blind?" Nora interjected, her voice lighter than he expected it to be. "No." She let out with a sigh, shaking her head. "Not always."

Heero nodded and bowed his head again. Nora served the meal to the table. For a long while they ate in silence. Heero was picking at his food at first, until his hunger grew by tenfold after a few small bites and he quickly devoured his meal. He could have sworn he heard her chuckle silently, so he began eating more slowly, trying to be as polite as his hunger allowed him.

"So..." Nora began, brushing a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes and over her shoulders. "How old are you, Heero?"

Heero looked up, his features stunned for a moment, frozen in mid-bite. He hurried to swallow and since he didn't respond verbally, the woman continued.

"Wait, let me guess." she said, "You sound young... but you're not a teenager, right?" Heero looked up, surprised, but still provided no answer. The woman continued. "No offence, but it's just that you sound too mature to be an adolescent. I'd say you're about... twenty?"

Heero cast his gaze down and reached for his tea. "Close." He whispered, taking a small sip. "I'm going to be eighteen this year."

"Oh." She let out, frowning. "And you live alone?"

"Yes." He replied in a quiet, solemn voice. He wrapped his palm around the warm mug, trying to force some heat into his body. Staring at his drink, he took a shaky breath and spoke. "I live two floors above yours."

The woman nodded in understanding. "I see." She whispered, bowing her head and staring at her drink with unseeing eyes. The silence carried on. Both of the table's occupants just sat with their shoulders slumped and their heads bowed. There wasn't even a clock to tick and break the silence. It was as if each of them was alone, surrounded by soundproof walls. They continued eating is silence. When Heero finished his meal, still hungry but not saying anything about it, he returned to slowly drinking his tea while trying to think of something else to say. This was the first _real_ conversation he had in almost a year. The few words that passed between them awakened his need for conversation even more. He suddenly realized that he was unused to the sound of his own voice.

"Anou," he began and then quickly stopped himself. Nora turned her blind gaze at him and he swallowed nervously. "M-may I ask why you've prepared a Japanese meal? I, I don't know much about the New Year, but is it... is it a normal thing to do?"

The woman sighed, sipping her tea before answering. "It's a tradition, I guess. Old habits die hard."

Heero frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

Nora turned back to him with a smile. "Never mind. Did you like it?"

He nodded, and then after a while: "Uh, yes. Ari-uh-thank you." Why was he stammering like an idiot?! What a way to impress a person! Then again, why did he have to impress anyone? Nora didn't seem to mind. In fact, her smile only grew.

"I'm glad. Would you like some more? For some absurd reason I made enough for three people at least..." She didn't even wait for an answer and already got up, taking his plate with her. The silence returned when they both continued to eat, but for some reason, it was a much more pleasant silence. Half an hour later, Heero wasn't so embarrassed about asking for more. Nora complied with a small smile, the bitterness in her voice also fading as she coaxed a nice and quiet conversation out of him.

.....

Weeks coated with silence crawled by after his brief staying at Nora's. Days spent with bitterness and cold slowly passed by him, engulfing him with more numbing loneliness. His apartment seemed chillier after he had spent a few hours with some company. The little time he had spent with Nora awakened something in him, something that the cold and loneliness had managed to numb to the point of none-existence. His need for socializing, for being near someone, for hearing someone laugh. The frozen need was brushed with a bit of warmth, melting the ice that gathered at the edges. His loneliness only grew after being eased for a short, brief, while.

Seeking more of this warmth that had eased the chill in his heart, Heero headed out to the streets. Instead of going straight to bed after work, he showered, changed out of his uniforms and went out. He walked into the first pub he stumbled upon, making his way straight to the bar. He quickly shrugged off his battered brown jacket, remaining in a white dress shirt that clung to his muscled torso and a pair of black slacks that hugged his lower body perfectly. It was probably the only thing he owned that wasn't a ragged pair of jeans or a T-shirt. He wasn't even sure why he owned this particular attire, or when he had bought it, but he really didn't care.

His hair was damp from the rain, some wild bangs clinging to his forehead. He brushed them aside and gestured to the bartender. Ordering himself a drink, he leaned on the counter and just... waited. He wasn't completely sure why he was doing this to himself. The words the hooker had spat his way a few weeks ago still echoed in his head.

_'What's the matter, boy, girls don't do it fer ya?'_

Heero closed his eyes and took a long sip from his drink.

_'Maybe all you really need is a good fuck in the ass.'_

Maybe. Maybe not. He didn't know. He just knew that he wanted someone to be with him. Be it male or female, he just wanted to be... he just wanted to be held. Was it too much to ask for?

Sighing, he finished his drink with a long gulp and quickly asked for more.

"Got anything stronger?" He asked the bartender, who was eyeing him suspiciously. The boy seemed too young, though it was a little hard to tell. His features were too harsh and his eyes too hard to be young, but his pretty face was as boyish as can be. The sign above the bar declared that underage drinking was not allowed. The bartender ran his eyes over the boy once again.

"Got some I.D?" He asked roughly and Heero let out a bitter chuckle. He wasn't drunk yet, barely even tipsy, but he was lightheaded enough to snort/giggle at the question. The only "I.D" he could claim to have is a silly nametag on his ridicules uniforms at a miserable old diner. And even the name written on that tag was not his real name. So, when it came down to it, he simply didn't have an identity, so how could he POSSIBLY be carrying any I.D?! It was ludicrous!

Chuckling bitterly, Heero thrust his bangs out of his eyes and raised his head to look up at the bartender. "Just give me more, all right?" He muttered, throwing a twenty-dollar bill at the counter. "And keep them coming."

Shrugging, the bartender hurried to comply.

It was only after three more glasses of strong liquor that Heero began noticing that people were staring at him. He could feel the burning acid feeling of someone's eyes on his back, and a few other glances from both left and right. Suddenly feeling very self-conscious, Heero wiggled a little in his seat and brushed his bangs back carefully. He lifted his drink slowly; his head bowed as he drank though his eyes were looking aside, scanning the room. He could see three young women at one corner of the bar, sending glances his way and then speaking among themselves. Looking the other way, he spotted two other girls who were looking at him and then arguing about something. He gulped his drink quickly and then slammed it on the counter.

"Refill." He slurred, thrusting his head aside in order to push his bangs out of his eyes. The world swirled around him a little, and the little sexy gesture did not go unnoticed by his surrounding.

Soon enough, the first female approached him. She eyed him like a piece of meat and then began making some sort of a useless conversation. He hated the way she kept looking down at his crotch or his ass instead of looking him in the eye. He kept mostly quiet when she spoke to him, only answering her with short and curt replies. She lost interest pretty quickly and left. He was still debating whether he'd pushed her away on purpose or was it simply because his poor people skills, when another one approached him.

She was rather sweet, and a bit uncertain, but she kept invading his personal space. She made him uncomfortable and even when he tried to speak with her, he couldn't find what to say. He found himself lost and confused, just staring at her while she waited for him to speak. This girl also backed away fairly quickly, and he just scowled at himself and ordered another drink.

The third left when she found out that he was three years younger than her and the forth left when he growled at her angrily. The fifth was confident, so he simply ignored her and by the time the sixth approached him Heero was ready to bolt and leave. None of them sparked even the tiniest bit of interest in him. Some were very attractive, he supposed, but none made him feel like it was worth it. Maybe he was wrong by coming here. He should just finish his drink and leave. He was a fool for even trying.

When he finished his last drink for the night, Heero swerved slightly from side to side in an attempt to get up. He was seeing everything in fuzzy slow motion, everything a blur before it stabled and stood still. He chuckled shortly at his own expense, trying to get off his stool without falling.

"Leaving so soon?" A voice interrupted his efforts to stand straight, and he blinked drunkenly, looking up with a pair of glazed blue eyes.

"Huh?" He let out, his voice sluggish. He looked up, his vision coming in and out of focus, but he did manage to catch a blurry look at the large figure blocking his way. The figure was tall and broad, dressed in stylish black clothing, though it just looked like a big black blob to Heero. A blob that was making it quite difficult for him to leave!

"Outoftheway..." He managed to somehow mumble, pushing the bulky figure aside in a half hearted, drunken, attempt. His strength was not in any way close to have any real affect on the steady figure, and Heero frowned in displeasure. He turned his head up to look at the figure's face, trying to look angry despite the fact that he was too dizzy to focus his eyes on anything.

"Move." He ordered, his voice steadier than before, more urgent. He felt like there was fire flowing through his veins. He really needed to take a piss.

The figure chuckled in amusement and the part of Heero's mind that wasn't _too _drunk, supplied him with the information that it was a man's voice.

"I'm sorry." The man said, his voice smooth and confident. "I was just a little disappointed that you decided to leave so soon." He explained, laying a hand on Heero's shoulder. The boy tensed under the warm touch, but still he let the heavy palm gently push him back to his seat. He slumped down on the stool, nearly falling. The man quickly caught him and helped him straighten up, laughing pleasantly at Heero's baffled look. He had a nice voice, Heero decided. It was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He smiled and looked up at the man.

"I ran out of money." He said, his voice a bit slurred but more or less coherent. He leaned one elbow on the bar and rested his head on is heavily. He looked up at the man, batting his eyelashes lazily. "Care to buy me some more?"

The man chuckled again and took a seat next to the boy. "I think you had enough to drink for one night." He said, his eyes – their color was dark but Heero was too drunk to decide their exact shade – looking down at him warmly.

"Oh?" Heero replied with a smirk, straightening in his seat. "So you've been watching me?"

The man smiled in amusement, his eyes watching the boy intently. "You're hard to miss. And I've noticed that a pretty angel like yourself has no problem attracting any of the female kind, but I get the feeling that it isn't exactly what you want." He finished by placing his large, warm, hand on Heero's thigh, looking deeply into the boy's eyes as he leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "Am I right?"

Heero shivered at the small touch of air in his ear. He could feel the heat emitting from the man - he was so close... – and it intoxicated him even further.

"They didn't make me feel warm." He found himself saying; unaware that he was barely making any sense. The hand on his thigh was slowly caressing him. His body was immediately flooded with heat. He jumped up in his seat as the man's hand brushed close to his groin. The man was whispering in his ear again.

"And does this make you feel any..." He used one finger to trace Heero's hardening arousal. "Warmer?"

The heat grew like a burst of flames. He was practically melting in his chair, purring against the man's touch.

The man smirked and leaned closer to gently nip at his ear. Heero let out a quiet whimper.

"Your place or mine?" The man whispered in a low and sexy voice, making Heero shiver.

He swallowed despite the fact that his mouth was dry and shakily whispered back: "...which one is closer..?"

(Censored Lemon Scene)

The minute they walked into Heero's apartment the man had Heero pinned against the door and kissing him passionately. Heero melted under his kiss, sagging against the door when his legs gave way. The man's hands were everywhere on him, sliding under his shirt and caressing every part of him. He had such big, warm, callous hands... He had Heero moaning and squirming under him, the boy's body quivering with need and pleasure. His hands came to life, the desire coursing through his body guiding them up the man's body, and down again. He ran his trembling hands – the kiss was so intense it had him shaking – over the man's broad torso, gliding under his buttoned shirt and feeling his flesh.

When they parted for air, both out of breath and panting, the man was still leaning heavily over Heero's smaller body, looking down at him with lustful eyes.

"Is this your first time?" He asked, panting. He bent down to nibble the boy's ear.

His legs shaking, his heart pounding and every part of him becoming warm goo, Heero leaned his head against the man's shoulder. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, a shiver running through him.

"No..." He whispered sadly, opening a pair of forlorn blue eyes and gazing ahead. The man's tongue licked his ear and he let out a small whimper, nearly collapsing to the floor.

"It... it's not..." He continued quietly, shamefully, the dark images of his past and the pleasurable ministrations of the present making his head whirl. "T-there were... there were others... before..." He tried to explain, thrusting his head back and crying out as the man began sucking and licking his neck.

"Good." The man whispered against his slick neck, blowing air over the wet saliva that coated the boy's throat. "I'd like this to be special for you..." He breathed into the boy's neck, licking a wet trail from his shoulder to his ear.

"M-me too... " Heero stuttered, his body shivering as an acid fire of lust coursed through his veins and burned him from within. He gave up on attempting to explain his shameful past. He couldn't bring himself to say it. He just hoped that this man would not prove to be like his previous experiences, which were painful beyond belief. As a matter of fact, he found that he didn't really care how much it would hurt. He needed to feel, and he needed this kind of an intense and brutal experience to awaken some feeling in him.

With that resolve Heero wrapped his arms around the larger man and pushed himself up to his tiptoes to meet the man in another mind-blowing kiss. His body was burning, he felt like it was too hot to breathe. And he loved every minute of it.

The experience was so releasing that it was more than intense. It was mind blowing. He took pleasure from it despite the obvious fact that it was just a quick, ruthless, fuck. Despite that there was no love in it. He took all he could get. Years of pent up tension and frustrations finally found release.

He enjoyed the forceful treatment. He begged for more. He begged it to be deeper, harder, fiercer. He enjoyed it so much that he began crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks and still he begged for more. The feeling was just too intense, the pleasure too great. It was just cheap, hard and painful sex; fast and furious but it had him weeping and moaning at the same time.

.....

He awoke a while later, when the first rays of dawn were breaking outside his window. His eyes still closed, Heero slid a hand over the sheets, searching for the warmth that was there but a few moments ago. The sheets were still warm, but the body that had been lying next to him while he slept was gone. Panicked, Heero snapped his eyes open and looked up.

The man was sitting at the edge of the sofa/bed, just finishing putting his shirt on.

Heero blinked, confused, and slowly rose up.

"Are you... are you leaving?" He asked, his voice small and careful.

"Yeah." The man breathed, buttoning his shirt. "It's late and I should get going."

"Stay a little longer." Heero asked, nudging himself closer to the man and trying to push him back to the bed. "Lie with me a little." He whispered, his hand gently holding the man's shirt. He wanted to curl beside him a little... just snuggle for a little while... to feel warm again...

"Hold me?" He asked, his voice timid and small. It was barely heard, even in the silence of the room.

The man sighed, throwing his legs down to the floor. He bent down to pick his shoes. "Sorry, kid. It's been sweet, but I gotta go." He said casually, putting on one shoe and getting ready to put the other. "You're a real doll, but I gotta wife n' a kid waiting for me to come home."

Heero's eyes widened and he quickly pulled back. "I... I... I didn't think you'd be..."

"Married?" The man chuckled, shaking his head as he got up. "You got a lot to learn, kid." He said, tucking his shirt into his pants.

"But..." Heero let out, having nothing to say. His eyes stung a little, stubborn tears insisting on coming out. They shouldn't. What did they expect? A 'happily ever after' with this guy? He didn't even know his name!

Tired and dejected, Heero threw himself back onto his pillow. The room was cold again.

"I don't know what you were expecting, kid, but..." the man mumbled with a sigh, reaching a hand into his pocket. Looking at the place, in its poor and gloomy condition, the man pulled out something out of his pocket and turned back to face Heero. "It's not much, but here." He said, throwing a fifty-dollar bill onto the bed.

Heero's face hardened with anger and he turned to glare at the man. His blue eyes were fierce and blazing with rage. "I am not a whore!" He spat, kicking the bill away and throwing the pillow at the man's face. "Get out!" He growled, the stubborn tears burning his eyes again. "GET OUT!" he called again, his voice hoarse and nearly hysteric under the pain and humiliation he was feeling.

The man shrugged helplessly and shook his head. "Fine." He muttered, picking the money off the floor and shoving it back into his pocket. "See ya." He said, walking to the door and taking his jacket on the way. He was out the door in an instant and the tears held prisoner in Heero's eyes suddenly spilled without his permission.

He threw himself at his pillowless bed, shedding silent tears as he gazed ahead at nothing. He was cold again. His heat was gone... There was no one to hold him, no one to sooth the pain in his heart. This experience has proven to be even more excruciating than his previous ones, because this time... this time he had wanted it... Wanted it so badly that he didn't mind that there was no love between them. He thought that this man would at least... that he would at least hold him afterwards...

Feeling foolish and humiliated, Heero buried himself under the covers and continued to cry. He cried silently at first, until the sobs broke through the barrier around his heart. They came out like coughs at first, hoarse and bitter and so full of restrained pain. They gradually grew stronger and stronger, hesitant in their approach and then coming out with a violent force.

He cried brokenly into the sheets, his pain and heartbreak evident in every sob. There was no one there to comfort him so he only cried harder and harder. He cried until his throat hurt and his tears ran dry, but the pain didn't disappear. He had years of pain and suffering to cry out, and this one night stand, this cheap sexual experience, was enough to open the seal in his heart and let him cry. The release was indescribable, and yet so terribly painful. He held a clutched fist over his heart, imagining that he could feel it rip to two.

When he could cry no more he simply lay in his bed, feeling drained. Empty. Hollow. His indifferent apartment ignored him, watching him in an uncaring silence. His world just got a couple degrees colder, and outside, it began snowing.

* * *

To be continued upon reviewing.

Come on! How hard can it be to give me some feedback? Please? I really want to know what you think...


	2. part 2

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: 

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

* * *

**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART TWO**

.....

The following weeks went by in a slow motion blur. Time seemed to have stretched into forever, the clock taking a small tick forward and then two ticks back. The winter grew harsher, snow falling over the city and covering everything with a blanket of pure white. Inside the small diner, vapor was gathering on the large windows, blocking the view of the street. The heating was working hard to overcome the cold, and the place felt hot and almost humid. The radio was playing, some overly happy broadcaster chatting about traffic jams and weather reports before he switched to the next song.

It was lunchtime and the diner was rather full. The sound of chatter filled the small restaurant, along with the clattering of silverware and the fuzzy sound of the radio. Heero's boss, Malcolm, was sitting in the corner of the diner, smoking a cigar and reading his newspaper. Raul, a young student who also worked at the diner, was standing at the cash register, while Heero waitered the tables.

The atmosphere around the solemn young man was gloomier than the winter raging outside the diner. His sad demeanor was evident by his silent, brooding appearance and his slumped shoulders. His uniforms, the blue, white and pink shirt and the black trousers, hung clumsily over his body. The shirt seemed to be hanging sloppily from his shoulders, too large for his skinny figure. His pants were nearly falling as well, his black belt not helping at all even if it was fastened by the last notch. He had lost so much weight since he first applied for the job, over a year ago. His depression was taking its tall on his body. He rarely ate anymore, sometimes going for days with only a cup of tea entering his mouth. The abuse his systems were receiving was beginning to affect his health greatly. His features were pale and sweaty with fever. He resembled a ghost. He was sick, feeling terribly ill, but still he continued to work. Anything but staying home where nightmares lay.

His breath was short and shallow as he walked among the tables, carrying a small notepad and a pen. His lungs ached and heat waves coursed through him every now and then. A woman sitting by the window gestured at him, and he headed towards her. Dizziness attacked him all of a sudden and he swayed from side to side, nearly collapsing on top of someone's meal as he leaned on a table for support. He mumbled an apology and raised his hand off the table. He walked over to the woman. It was a mother and her son.

"Yes?" He asked, blinking away the sweat that gathered around his eyes. He used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off the area above his upper lip. "Would there be anything else, ma'am?" He asked shakily, another heat wave coursing through him and then slowly receding.

The woman smiled and gazed at her menu for a moment.

"I want cake! I want cake!" The little boy sitting across of her whined loudly, banging his fists on the table. "Mommy! Mommy! I want cake!" He repeated, his quick little hands grabbing the small ketchup bottle and slamming it repeatedly on the table. "_Mommmyyyyyyyy……………_"

"I heard you the first time, Denis." His mother muttered with a sigh, her eyes scanning the menu.

Heero waited silently, trying his best not to topple over the table and sink into a hazy sleep.

The child continued to play with the ketchup bottle. The woman looked up at the waiter with a smile. "I'll take a cheese cake for me, and, uh," She looked down at the menu again. "Chocolate cake for my son."

Heero nodded silently and wrote it down. His wary blue eyes kept sending short glances at the boy and the ketchup bottle. He looked back at the woman. "Would there be..." he took a moment to breathe, his lungs aching badly, "anything... else?" He finished, out of breath.

The woman smiled. "Coffee refill, please."

Heero nodded again and looked down at his notepad. "So it's cheese cake and chocolate cake, right?" He asked just to make sure. His head was so fuzzy he wouldn't be surprised if he had written something else instead.

The woman nodded. "That's right."

"Yay!" The little boy called out cheerfully, slamming the ketchup bottle brutally on the table and squashing it fiercely with his little fists. The bottle irrupted like a volcano, spraying ketchup everywhere as it exploded with an audible "PLOP!"

The bullet tore through his flesh and in an instant blood was staining his shirt. He staggered backwards, swerving from side to side as he felt his inner organs burn in pain. He choked out a cough, pressing his hand to his wounded stomach. The blood wouldn't stop flowing. He was going to faint. His eyes were wide, his pale features shocked. He looked down at the boy who'd just shot him in utter disbelief and surprise.

"Oh my God!" The mother called out, panicked. "Somebody call a doctor!" She said, jumping out of her seat. People all over the diner were whispering and looking at him.

"He was shot!"

"Oh dear God!"

"They're coming!"

"OZ is coming!"

"There were shots fired!"

"RUN!"

Panting and wheezing, Heero looked around him in shock. Everything was blurry and in slow motion. The sounds were muffled and echoing from afar. He slowly turned to look down at his injured torso, his glazed blue eyes staring numbly at the blood staining his hand.

"I'm so sorry." The woman said softly, smiling apologetically. "He gets overly excited sometimes."

"It's all right." Heero found himself saying, his numb gaze still fixed on his hand. It was pressed hard against his shirt, covered with the ketchup he had managed to wipe off his pink/blue/white uniforms. Closing his eyes slowly, he took a moment to breathe and calm his racing heart before he looked up at her again. "It will be ready in a minute." He assured her and hurried to retreat.

He walked over to behind the service counter and reached for a small white cloth. He took a deep breath, fighting the dizziness before bowing his head and attempting to clean the ketchup off his uniforms. The cloth didn't help much, but it at least helped clean the blo—ketchup off his hands. Another heat wave flooded his body and for a moment he felt too disoriented to open his eyes or move. His fever was rising, he could tell. He coughed quietly and reached for the coffee pot. He made his way back to the woman and her son.

The dizziness returned in full force, making the world whirl wildly around him. His legs felt weak all of a sudden, unable to support him. He waddled from side to side as he walked, the coffee inside the pot splashing like a stormy ocean in a glass pot. He was taking quick and shallow breaths, trying to force his lungs back into proper action. He wheezed loudly, his breathing coming out as sickly gurgling. Still he kept walking forward, maintaining somewhat of a straight line. When he reached the table he was suddenly attacked by a fierce coughing fit. Combined with his dizziness, the fit was so intense it made him tumble forward and fall. The coffee went with him, spilling all over the little boy.

The small diner shook and rattled as the little boy let out a loud, frightened, scream.

"DENIS!" His mother called out in fear, leaping out of her chair and launching at him with worry. "What did you do, you fuck!" She screamed at Heero, holding her weeping son in her hands.

Heero swallowed, his glazed eyes looking down at the two with a distant detachment. He had just killed another child...

People from all around the diner were looking at him accusingly. His boss popped out of nowhere, quickly pressing a wet cloth to the child's torso. The boy kept crying loudly, his screams echoing inside Heero's mind and stabbing his heart like knives.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." He mumbled, still unable to grasp what he had done. "I... I didn't mean it... I'm sorry..." It was like he was speaking from a dream, the reality around him blending with the horrors of his memories and dreams. "I... killed... I'm... so-sorry..."

Someone grabbed his hand all of a sudden and dragged him forcefully into the kitchen. Heero didn't tear his gaze off the worried mother tending her child, his horrified eyes watching them unblinkingly. When the kitchen door slammed in his face he suddenly blinked, returning to reality. He turned around slowly.

Malcolm, his boss, was standing in front of him, glaring at him with all his worth.

Heero's eyes filled with tears despite his effort to stop them. "Sir..." He began, having nothing to say. "I'm..."

"What the hell were you thinking?!" The man growled, looking up at Heero with harsh eyes.

Heero bowed his aching head sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, sir. Please don't fire me... I can't find another job... no one will take me..."

"That's no reason to be coming to work sick!" The old man muttered, shaking his head. His tone was softer as he looked up at Heero with compassion. The boy looked absolutely miserable. He sighed, shaking his head again. "Relax kid. Fortunately for us you were so out of it that you forgot to actually _boil_ the pot. The boy was just crying from the shock."

Heero looked up, his gaze unbelieving. He sighed and closed his eyes slowly, bowing his head in shame.

Malcolm sighed. "Go home, kid. You shouldn't have come here if you're so sick." He patted his shoulder lightly. "Come back when you're feeling better."

His head still bowed, Heero shook his head. "No... I... I'm already a terrible worker, and if I'll miss any work days..."

"Oh, don't be ridicules!" Malcolm spat, waving his hand in the air. "I'm not going to fire you for the same reason I hired you in the first place!"

Heero looked up at him, confused.

The old man sighed. "Kid, I ain't gonna fire an ex-Gundam pilot just because he came down with a cold!"

Heero blinked, shocked.

His boss smiled in amusement. "What, you think you're the only one who has fought a war? Back in AC 145 I was fighting just like you did. And I know _exactly_ what it's like for you right now." He sighed heavily, placing a warm hand on Heero's slender shoulder. "Go home, Heero. Come back when you're feeling better."

"You're not... you're not going to fire me?"

The man smiled and shook his head. "Go, kid. I'll call ya a cab."

Heero managed to sort of smile back, his eyes shining in gratitude. "There's... there's no need, sir. Thank you. I've... I've misjudged you."

The old man nodded, escorting him to the door. "It happens." He said, handing Heero his jacket. "I'll see ya later, kid."

Heero nodded and took the offered jacket. "Thank you sir. I'll... I'll come back tomorrow."

"Sure you will. Take care of yourself, okay?" He gave him a last pat on the back and then showed him out of the door. Smiling sadly, Heero nodded his answer and left the diner.

.....

During the twenty minute bus ride home, Heero laid his head against the cool window and indulged in the cool feeling against his burning forehead. He drifted in and out of sleep, his head slumping forward and then quickly jerking awake again as images of corpses and accusing eyes assaulted him. He clenched his fists and tensed his jaw, trying to keep his sanity for a while longer, at least until he got home. He held onto that last thread of sanity even as he missed his bus stop (because he fell asleep) and had to walk in the rain all the way back to his apartment building.

He arrived to his apartment completely exhausted and out of breath. His lungs ached and it was difficult to breathe. He collapsed on the bed, his shoes and wet jacket still on, and slipped into a thick black sleep.

.....

In her dark and cold apartment, Nora sat by the kitchen table, her fingers tapping on it impatiently. On the table lay a steaming pot, emitting a wonderful smell of home cooking. Her unseeing blue eyes were gazing ahead at nothing at all, deep in thought. She was debating over the same question for hours, as the soup she made boiled on the stove and even now as it cooled on the table.

The apartment was silent. Empty. Cold. It was like a grave. A grave she had dug for herself and settled deeply into. A few weeks ago a weak ray of light broke into her grave. She had managed to see it despite her blindness. She felt it. She heard it. And now, she missed it.

The solemn young man who was kind enough to stay over for lunch, he was that ray of light. She still smiled as she remembered his sheepish voice and hesitation when he had shyly asked for more food. He was just like a growing boy should be - incredibly hungry. It made her feel warm inside to be able to serve him lunch. The small and humble act might not mean much to most people, be it mothers or sons, but it meant the world to her.

It had awakened something within her. Something she thought she had lost long ago. The company of that young man, the quiet conversation she had with him, had soothed her loneliness a little bit. It melted the tip of the iceberg that was her heart. She found herself thinking about him all the time. Thinking about his voice, that sad, quiet and remorseful voice. There was so much pain in his voice, so much saddness. She wondered if she was the only one aware of it. If nothing else, her hearing was more developed than others. And for some bizarre reason, she was extra sensitive on picking up things from this particular boy.

Heero. She wanted to see him again. Well, as far as she could actually _see_ him.

With that resolve in mind, Nora stood up quickly. She reached two hands to hold the pot by its handles and took a deep, nervous, breath. Well, she won't be getting anywhere if she'll keep sitting in her kitchen and brood over the same topic over and over again. She might as well give it a shot.

.....

During the last few weeks she ran a little "investigation" to find out where Heero lived, exactly. He had told her that he lived two floors above hers, but still she didn't know which apartment. She spent a lot of time by the mailboxes in order to find the exact address. It was the mailman who was kind enough to read the names off the mailboxes for her and tell her the number of the apartment as he slipped a stack of second-notice bills into it.

Now she was standing in front of that apartment, a pot full of soup in her hands along with a heart full of hope and dread pounding in her chest. She took a few long breaths, trying to relax. Surely this young man was too nice to reject her and tell her to leave. Still, she didn't want to come off as pushy and pathetic. Even though she was, pathetic, that it. Sighing lengthily, Nora bent down and placed the pot on the floor. She knocked on the door.

No one was answering. She tried again. No one answered. Her heart was beating frantically. What if he was avoiding her? What if he didn't want her there?

No! That was absurd. He didn't even approach the door. She hadn't heard his steps. She could already recognize the sound of his footsteps, despite them being so silent. He had such pleasant footsteps. But his apartment was silent, no sound of footsteps coming from behind the door.

She knocked again. "Heero? Are you there? It's... it's me, uh... Nora."

Silence. Perhaps he was asleep? What time was it? Could it be that it was already late at night? How long had she been sitting in her kitchen anyway?

"Heero?" She tried again, knocking softly on the door. She sighed when there was no answer and bowed her head sorrowfully. Perhaps he had other things to attend to. Perhaps he wasn't as lonely as he sounded. Maybe she had it all wrong.

Sighing heavily, she bent down to pick her soup off the floor. But as she bent down she accidentally hit her head on the doorknob and for some odd reason the handle was pushed down, and just like that- the door opened.

Nora stood up again, stunned at the sound of the opening door. She could feel the shifting of air as the door slowly opened. An awful smell was coming out of the apartment. She wrinkled her nose and took a small, hesitant, step forward.

"Heero?" She called carefully, picking up the pot and slowly walking into the apartment.

She could immediately feel the chilly air of the apartment touch her skin. The apartment was extremely cold, and she could feel that it was dark. She couldn't sense any daylight touching her skin. There was a bad odor inside. It was moldy and rotten, suggesting that the place was filthy. It was worse than her place. Granted, the heating wasn't working anywhere in the poorly maintained building, but this apartment was colder than the rest. It felt... lonely. Like a tomb.

She placed the pot on the floor and reached to close the door behind her. She felt her way around, her fingers feeling along a small table, a chair and a phone. She encountered a few books, papers and pens. Everything she touched felt cold, like ice. It didn't take her long to find the sofa that was at the center of the small room, which was the only room in the small apartment besides the bathroom and the kitchen. She ran her hands over the back of the sofa, feeling her way around it. By what it felt like she could tell that the sofa was open so it was in the size of a small double bed.

She felt her way around the bed, carefully climbing on it. She kneeled on the edge of the bed and continued her search. Her hands soon encountered a pair of muddy shoes, damp trousers... a wet shirt... and a chest that was heaving up and down with great effort.

"Oh God..." She whispered, her features horrified. She couldn't even hear him breathe! Even with her acute sense of hearing, she could barely make out the sound of his breathing.

"Heero?" She called for him, crawling to his side, her hands seeking his face. She ran long fingers through his damp bangs. The stanch of sweat was burning her nostrils. His features were soaked with salty sweat, as was his neck and shirt. He was running a terrible fever.

"Goodness, you're burning." She whispered, her hands working to undo the buttons of his shirt.

Beneath her, Heero moaned in pain and titled his head aside. He began coughing when she moved his head up to place a pillow under it. His breath came hard and shallow, wheezing and struggling to breathe. Her cool and frantic fingers ran frenziedly over his body, anxious to help, to heal. His subconscious barely registered Nora's desperate attempts to help him. He did not wake even when she stripped him and placed a warm blanket over him. He didn't hear her when she begged him to be okay, he was in a place too far to be hearing any of her pleas.

(Censored Scene)

He was sitting on the soft grass, washed by warm white light. The air was sweet and warm, carrying the scent of flowers. Birds were chirping, bugs were buzzing. The grass was soft and his little chubby legs were lying straddled on it, his pants, socks and shoes covered in mud. He reached his hands forward to look at them, suddenly very amazed by the fact of how small they were. The small and chubby palms (Could they possibly be his hands? They were too small to pilot anything...) were covered with mud as well. He continued digging in the moist earth, searching for worms.

It was getting late and the color of the metal skies - mommy said that they were not really skies because they didn't live on Earth - was changing shade, becoming darker and dimmer. Daddy should be home soon. His tummy was making funny noises. He picked up his little jar - he had three worms in it! – and ran home.

Second building to the right, just behind the trees in the park. He burst into the kitchen, the whole apartment rushing by him in a blur. His home smelled like cooking and flowers. His mommy was waiting for him there. He collided with her and hugged her long blue dress tightly. The blue dress was his favorite because it was the same color as the skies - the _real_ skies - were.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He called happily, his tiny voice joyful and squeaky (Was it his voice? It was so different...). "Look how many I found!"

His mommy always smelled nice and he loved it when she reached her long arms to hug him back.

"Look! Look! I found THREE of them!" He said, grinning.

He couldn't see her face because her hair was always in the way. He liked her hair, it was very pretty and long and it shone under the faintest light. She reached down to caress his head, ruffling his messy hair in affection. He could hear her voice smiling.

"That's wonderful sweetheart. What are they?" She asked with a smile (No! There was much sadness in her voice! Couldn't he hear it?!), her voice rang like bells.

"They're worms." He explained with that tiny voice of his (This wasn't how he sounded like!) bowing his head down a bit as he felt her fingers brushing through his hair. Mommy always liked to pet his hair. Her long fingers were white and warm and they were very soft. He loved it when she caressed his face, tracing her fingers over his eyes, nose and lips. She could feel his smile, or his tears and even his anger. If he was sick her fingers could always tell.

She didn't notice that he was covered with mud. She didn't care so she wasn't mad. When daddy will come home, after he would go to sleep, he will hear them argue about it. They would speak in those words he doesn't know (They were English, foolish boy...) and then they would go back to sleep.

He reached his little hand for hers, letting her hold his hand gently. He smiled at her, every part of him feeling warm and happy. "I wanna show them to daddy. When is he coming home?"

"Daddy's working late tonight, sweetie. He'll be coming home after dinner."

"After it's dark?" He asked, pouting.

Her fingers were playing with his hair again. They were sadder this time because they moved slower. "Yes, sweetie. After it gets dark."

But it was already dark! Everything was dark! And cold! So cold...... There weren't any gentle fingres. They were holding him down by force, thier fingers digging into his flesh. They were as cold as ice, freezing. They kept touching him all the time. Stop!

"Stop it! Stop! Please!" He begged (Could _this_ be his voice then? Was he crying?)

They held him down by force, restraining him, holding him down on all fours. It hurt, ripping his body to half. He began to cry.

"Stop! Stop it! Please! Urgh! Please stop..."

He was raped brutally, alone in a dark OZ prision cell. His voice was weak, hoarse and pathetic when he cried. Again it was hard for him to recognize his own voice.

"I found him down the hallway, in an isolated prison cell." Trowa said, "I was too late to stop it, I'm sorry." He placed him down in someone's lap. It was warm...

"Take care of him. He's scheduled for more testing on the Mercurius tomorrow. They'll kill him if he'll be inefficient." [i]

Warm arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly as if angry at something. "Why can't they take me instead?!" Duo growled, his hold on him nearly crushing. It hurt. Duo...

"Shhh... it's all right... I'm so sorry, Heero... It's all right..." Duo was caressing his hair gently, soothingly. His voice was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He Liked it.

"You're hard to miss."

The man's voice reminded him of Duo. That's why he had agreed to go with him.

"...but I get the feeling that it isn't exactly what you want..."

He ended up being used again, even if it was done with his full consent.

"...am I right?"

"Hold me?"

Duo's fingers were soft and gentle, caring even. They petted his features, tracing them carefully, like trying to create an image of him in the dark.

"I am not a whore!"

"Mommy! Look what I found!"

"What are they, sweetheart?"

Soft fingers touching him, petting him, feeling his smile...

"Get out! GET OUT!"

"When is daddy coming home? Does he work ALL the time? I want... I want him to come home!"

"It's all right, sweetie... everything is going to be all right..."

"I'm cold..." He whispered back.

"Shh, Heero... shh... I'm here..." Duo assured him.

"I woke up in the hospital and there was no one there... you left..." He mumbled, remembering the end of the war for some reason. He lived on the streets, cold and hungry, until Malcolm took him in.

"I was alone..."

"I'm here with you now, Heero. I'm here..." The gentle hands continued saying softly. "I'll take care of you. Shh... just rest... I'll take care of you... just rest..."

"N...Nora..?"

"Shh, Heero. Shh..."

Dream and consciousness mixed together into a hazy reality. Cool liquid was served to his parched lips. He struggled to lift his head a little and sip it. His head was too heavy. A gentle hand sneaked under his head, supportng him. The water was touching his cracked lips again. He gulped it hungrily. He was so hot...

Another hand was touching him, cool and long fingers pushing his bangs aside gently. He took a shaky breath, his lungs faltering. He coughed, spitting out some water. He could feel it slide down his chin. The gentle fingers wiped the liquid away.

"Shhh... it's okay..." A soft voice whispered.

"Wha... wh... where..?" He slurred sleepily, trying to open his eyes and look around. The ill feeling was just too much. He closed his eyes again, his body shivering from fever. "Wh... who is... here..?" He asked feebly, the water he drank already making him nauseous. He moaned miserably and sunk his head into pillow.

The cool hands were touching him again, trying to soothe his aching body. He whimpered silently and tried to move away from the touch.

"No... please..." He mumbled in distress, struggling to force his limbs to move. "I don't want to... I don't... who is..? Please stop... I... I've been a... a good... I'm not a... I'm not a whore... I'm... don't touch me..."

"Shhh... Heero, it's me." The voice whispered again as soothingly as can be. It reminded him of... something... long ago... "It's me. It's Nora. It's just me..."

Cobalt eyes glazed with pain and fever slowly opened, looking up at the figure hovering above them. It was too dark and blurry to see. He felt sick. He closed his eyes again, shivering and coughing. "I... I don't need... I want... please... it's cold..."

"Shhh... shhh, boy. Shhh. It's going to be all right. You're safe with me and I am not going to harm you. You're very sick, Heero. I just want to help."

His glazed eyes slowly opened and looked up in none-comprehension, blinking away the haze that surrounded his mind. "Wh...why me..?" He asked in a small voice, like a wounded child. "I... I'm... I'm not... not worth..."

Nora smiled down at him, brushing a few sweaty bangs out of his eyes. "Just returning the favor, Heero. That's all."

"I'm cold..." He mumbled again, coughing weakly. His head lolled to the side as the fever won over his consciousness.

.....

He awoke to a feeling of pleasent heat surrounding him. He could feel tingly sunshine caressing his skin. His limp arms were lying over a thick quilt, washed by sunlight. He could sense the soft winter sun over his face and neck. It was a lovely sensation after being cold for so long. His cheeks felt warm, and they were probably still flushed with fever. His forehead was slightly damp with sweat, but he did not feel as sick as he had before.

He took a slow, careful breath, testing his lungs. They didn't ache so badly. They faltered a little when he breathed and he concluded that he was still recovering. He could also feel a warm and moist compress lying over his chest. It pressed closer to his skin when he inhaled deeply. The scent of herbs and mint engulfed him when he inhaled, emitting from the cloth.

He opened his eyes slowly, carefully, a slit of cobalt peeking from behind long eyelashes. There was so much light flooding his apartment that it was hard for him to recognize it at first. His apartment never seemed so... bright. The window behind his sofa/bed was wide open, letting the winter sunshine in. There was a soft breeze of fresh air coming into the small apartment, tousling his bangs gently. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, indulging himself in the feeling of crisp fresh air in his lungs.

It suddenly occurred to him that there was a delicious aroma of cooking in the air. The scent was delightful, warm and appetizing. His mouth watered and he licked his parched lips.

What happened while he slept? Who did all this? Who was there with him? There's no one... he had no one... Who took care of him? Was this another dream caused by fever? Another fantasy of some sort?

He attempted to get up, struggling to push his numb body off the bed. The effort proved to be too much for him. He collapsed back onto his pillow, coughing.

"Heero? Are you awake?" A pleasant voice asked, and someone was approaching him. He opened his eyes again, blinking in confusion when he saw Nora walking over to his bed, drying her hands with a colorful kitchen towel.

A kitchen towel? Since when does he have a colorful kitchen towel?!

"Nora..?" He whispered, his voice hoarse and rough with sickness. "What are you..." He frowned as he remembered some of his fever induced dreams. "So it was you..." He mumbled, turning to look up at her with shining blue eyes. "You took care of me."

The woman smiled, pushing her long brown hair over her shoulder. She settled carefully by his side, sitting on the edge of the sofa/bed. Her head was bowed, "looking" down at her knees as she straightened the folds on her ankle-length skirt. "I found you in a terrible state, Heero. I hope you don't mind my intrusiveness. I couldn't just leave you like that."

Heero nodded in understanding, looking at her softly. He took a moment to appreciate the way the light touched her long hair which cascaded down her back. He turned to look back up at her.

"Is that why you helped me? Out of pity?"

She sighed. "I could ask you the same. Did you help me because you pitted me for my blindness?" She turned to face him.

He shook his head slowly, his gaze serious and honest. "No. I helped you because you needed my help."

She smiled softly. "This is the same reason why I'm helping you."

His tired eyes shone with amusement and a weak smile hovered over his lips. "I can accept that." He whispered, his tone thankful. There were many questions he wanted to ask her right now, but he was too tired to move his lips. His eyelids were slowly fluttering shut.

"All right," Nora began slapping her knees gently before getting up. "Would you like something to eat? You've been asleep for two whole days."

His hollow stomach grumbled angrily in agreement. He smiled and nodded thankfully. "Maybe something little..." He mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning heavily into the pillow.

Nora nodded. "Sure. I'm preparing some soup. Would you like that?"

He nodded, forgetting that he had to provide a verbal answer. He was too warm and cozy, for once knowing that there will be someone there to worry instead of him, someone to take care of him, to lift the weight off his tired shoulders. The feeling helped him feel peaceful enough to sleep.

He was already half asleep when he remembered that Nora, despite her good intentions, was still blind and in a stranger's apartment. Groaning at the effort, he opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow.

"D-do you need any help?" He called at her, his elbow trembling and nearly giving way. He was still too weak.

From the kitchen, he could hear Nora chuckle. "Boy, I have been blind for as long as you've been alive. I think I can manage on my own." She chuckled again. "Well, despite what you've seen so far."

Heero smiled tiredly and nodded his head. He slumped back into the pillow. The sound of bubbling water and a knife against the cutting board came softly from the kitchen, lulling him gently to sleep. He turned to lie on his side, curling into the covers and moving his head in the direction of the warm winter sunlight. His features were calm and content while he slept.

.....

The following weeks went by like a dream. Sometimes Heero had to stop whatever he was doing and remind himself that he was still awake. It was hard to realize because everything changed since he had gotten sick. Everything he had learned to accept as a part of his world changed. The darkness, the cold, the feeling of loneliness... it slowly melted like the snow in springtime. His eternal winter slowly vanished, leaving room for hope to blossom.

Nora and he became very close since he fell ill. She nursed him back to health, caring and gentle, her calm presence and comforting words soothing his aching soul. He was very feverish at times, so he didn't recall clearly what he might have said to her, and how much she knew of the dark things he kept inside his heart, but since she didn't seem frightened or appalled by him, he supposed that it didn't matter. When he fully recovered she left his apartment and made him promise to visit her whenever he could.

He was timid about visiting her often, he was afraid of becoming a nuisance, however Nora's consistent invitations for dinner or tea were enough to assure him that he was indeed welcomed. It became their custom to spend have an afternoon tea together each day. Heero came over for dinner every weekend, and sometimes even during the week. He would return from the diner, shower and then go straight to Nora's, where he was expected. He rarely used his apartment anymore.

Days he used to spend lying depressed in his cold bed became full of activity and warmth. He helped her clean her apartment, and he fixed anything that needed to be tended to. In return she gave him cooking lessons. She taught him how to make something that was "a little more interesting than an omelet", as she often said with a wink. He began eating regularly, taking the time to enjoy the meal and not just fill his body's necessities. It was easier to do because unlike before, he had someone to share a meal with.

One lesson stood out from all the others, the memory of it leaving a small smile on his lips. Nora taught him how to make rice balls on some rainy Friday afternoon. The kitchen was messy and the apartment was warm. He took some time that weekend to fix the central heating unit in the building, so the atmosphere was warm and cozy, which placed Heero in a particularly good mood that day. He was standing in the kitchen, wearing a flowery apron, Nora's hands guiding his palms as they shaped the rice balls together. He enjoyed that single moment in time; being warm and covered with flower from the pie they baked just before that. It felt... familiar in some way. Comfortable. He felt like a child again, carefree and careless. He even allowed himself to act a little silly, coaxing a small laugh out of the older woman, which made him smile in return. The memory was still warm in his heart. His whole world was becoming warmer.

That same memory was wrapping itself around his mind and pouring warmth through his body at this exact moment, as he leaned over the service counter at the diner, cleaning it. It was late noon and the diner was rather empty. Outside, the streets were covered with a blanket of snow, but the winter sun was out, washing the glowing white with warmth.

People's feet sunk into the snow as it weakened and melted, creating deep puddles everywhere. Looking out the diner's large windows, Heero could see another unfortunate passer-by sink into the snow and curse. He watched him in mild amusement and then returned to just staring at the counter.

"Yuy, kitchen." His boss called from somewhere behind the service window. Heero threw the cloth aside and made his way to the back. Raul, a fellow worker, took over his post at the cash register.

The moment Heero disappeared into the kitchen, the door to the diner opened and a blurry image of a man escaping the cold was seen rushing into the diner. The man, wearing a stylish brown leather jacket, a pair of dark blue jeans and a white scarf, wiped his brown boots on the small matte in the entrance, cursing silently as he looked down and saw that the bottom of his jeans were wet from the melting snow. Sighing, he looked up again and proceeded towards the counter.

Raul watched him approach, quickly scanning the stranger. Usually the diner had regular costumers, and it was rather unusual to see new faces. Especially a face like this one. The young man standing in front of him was about twenty, perhaps less, and he seemed rather clueless to his surrounding. His appearance, although meant to be presentable, was rather sloppy and his features seemed preoccupied. All in all he looked like any other tourist who had lost his way and was in a rush somewhere.

"May I help you sir?" The young waiter asked, looking patiently at the man before him.

"Yeah," The young man muttered, reaching a hand to his back and for some odd reason, shoving it underneath his jacket. Raul watched astound as the young man pulled a long chestnut braid from underneath his jacket and threw it casually over his shoulder.

"Man that rain!" He said with a laugh, wiping a few damp bangs out of his eyes. "And the wind! Whew!" He whistled, shaking his head. "I swear my car nearly tipped over!"

Raul smiled politely, having an easy time detecting the slight L2 accent in the man's voice. Now he was certain that he was not from around here.

"That's Earth for ya, sir." He replied with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"Uh..." The young, absent-minded looking man looked up at the menu stationed above the counter, his eyes narrowing as he read it. Meanwhile his hands were searching his pockets, until he looked down at Raul and pulled out a ragged bill. "Just coffee please. Uh, no, make it coffee-to-go. I'm kinda in a hurry here."

Raul nodded and made his way to the coffee machine. "You're here for the convention?"

The longhaired man gave out a chuckle. "That obvious, huh?" He said, unzipping his brown jacket to reveal a fashioned white turtleneck shirt. It suddenly made him look rather important. Elegant, if you may.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to give this big speech and everything," he continued, "Though I haven't the slightest as to where I'm going!" He finished with a sheepish chuckle.

Raul nodded, placing the cup of coffee on the counter. "You need to get to Harcourt Brace University. It's actually just a few blocks ahead."

The young man's eyes widened for a moment and then broke into a smile. "Really? You don't say... Guess I can navigate after all..." He mumbled, taking a short sip from his coffee. "So you're saying I should just keep going that way?" He used one hand to point at the window while he used the other to sip the drink.

The waiter nodded. "Yup. Big fancy building. Can't miss it. It looks like a freaking mausoleum or something."

The longhaired man chuckled at the remark. "Great." He said and placed an extra five dollars on the table. "Thanks for the tip!" He added with a wink and hurried to leave.

Raul watched the stranger as he walked into a small car parked in front of the diner and drove off. He chuckled and shook his head in amusement. It wasn't often that such a cheerful breeze swept over the gloomy diner, he mused, returning to work.

The kitchen door opened and Heero re-entered the diner.

"They need you in the kitchen." He told Raul, walking back to his post.

.....

"What about this one?" Nora asked, raising a dark red, checkered shirt up and showing it to Heero. The two were in a small clothing bazaar inside a large shopping center. They were standing across of each other by a large stand containing piles over piles of shirts. Nora smiled and ran the fabric of the shirt between her fingers.

"It's flannel. It's very warm and comfortable. What do you think?" She nudged the shirt towards him.

Heero eyed the shirt in distaste, making a sour face. "It's checkered." He stated dryly. He was feeling very sheepish and self-conscious. It was not one of his habits to be shopping for clothes among a large crowd of people. Usually he threw whatever seemed to suit him into his supermarket cart and just finish the task. He didn't think he owned anything that wasn't bought at Wallmart.

"Oh." Nora let out, frowning. She put the shirt aside and began feeling around for another shirt. "Well, how would I know?" She muttered jokingly, picking up another shirt and showing it to Heero. "And this one?" She nudged the shirt towards him. "It's silk. Feels kinda fancy." She added with a smile.

Sighing silently to himself (though by now he knew that no sound escaped Nora's ears), he ran his eyes over the shirt. It was a rather nice buttoned shirt. It was elegant yet young and refreshing. It seemed to be tight around the chest area and then loosening a bit around the waist. It looked like something a person his age would wear on a date or something like that. Something that he, of course, never attended.

"Is it not to your liking?" Nora's voice pulled him away from his musings.

"It's, uh, too stylish for me." Heero muttered, looking down at the pile of shirts in front of him. He began rummaging the pile, searching with no idea what he was really searching for. A shirt is just a shirt, he mused as he picked up a dark green tank top. He eyed it with abhorrence and quickly tossed it aside. Then again, he might want to reconsider that statement. He continued to search for a shirt that wil be to his liking.

"And this one? What color is it?" Nora asked, showing him another shirt.

Heero looked up, scanning it briefly. It was actauly kind of nice. Its figure was similar to the previous one, only much more modest. He liked it for some reason. Perhaps because of its color. It reminded him of something. Maybe. He wasn't sure.

"It's sky-blue." He finally said.

"Blue? That's great. It will bring out your eyes."

Heero stopped his search and looked up at her, frowning. He didn't recall telling her the color of his eyes. There was no real reason to do it. She never asked how he looked like. Maybe he hadn't heard right.

"What do you mean?" He asked quietly, just to confirm.

Nora frowned. "Mean by what? I said it would bring out your eyes. Some people say that a blue shirt will only drown blue eyes, but I think it will only make them look brighter."

"But..." Heero began, taking a few steps towards her. He stood in front of her, looking down at her with a frown. "I never told you that my eyes are blue."

She frowned, lifting her gaze in his general direction. Heero found himself searching her unseeing blue eyes for something, maybe a sign of sight. It was the second time she had guessed something about his appearance that was in fact true. It was somewhat... unnerving.

"Well..." She muttered, bowing her head. She let out a small sigh and shrugged. "I supposed that I... that I wanted you to have blue eyes. I'm blind, so I'm allowed to imagine you however I want, right?" She turned to face him again, smiling weakly. "I think that blue eyes suit you."

"Despite the fact that I told you that I'm Japanese?" Heero questioned, raising an eyebrow.

She chuckled. "Well, there are some _rare_ cases... Besides, if it's any comfort I've also imagined you with black hair."

"It's brown." Heero shot back, smiling sarcastically.

"Oh." She frowned. "Well, did you dye it?"

"No." He chuckled.

"Are you sure you're Japanese?!" She spoke in mock-skepticism, earning another small chuckle out of him.

"No..." He admitted, smiling.

Nora chuckled, shaking her head. "You're hopelss." She stated, shoving the shirt into his hands. "And you're taking this shirt. We've been standing here long enough. Time to find you some trousers!"

Shaking his head in amusement, Heero paid for the shirt and the two moved on to a different stand.

.....

After they finished their shopping, or rather after Nora was done dragging a reluctant Heero from one stand to another, the two settled in a small coffee shop somewhere in the mall. Placing their shopping bags aside, they ordered two cups of hot chocolate and an apple pie. When their orders arrived, Nora's mood suddenly became more serious than before. She was light and cheerful up until then, when suddenly she turned to "look" at him with a serious expression on her face.

"Heero," she began slowly, "I was thinking that maybe..." She paused, bowing her head briefly.

"What is it?" Heero asked, concerned. "Have I done something wrong?"

She chuckled, though it was a bitter chuckle. "No, no you haven't. As hard as it is to convince you of that..." She added in a low mutter. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him again. "I was thinking that maybe you should apply for an Earth Sphere Citizenship."

Heero had to take a moment to digest what she was suggesting. He slowly placed his cup down. "A... a citizenship?"

"Yes." Nora nodded to confirm. "You've mentioned to me before how much it bothers you to have no identity, well, officially speaking. And I heard on the news that they're now issuing citizenships for people whose records were lost during the war. The law was passed not so long ago. There was a big convention about it downtown a few weeks ago. Haven't you heard about it?"

Heero shook his head, still absorbing the proposition. "No, I haven't." He mumbled, the thought of having an I.D nearly overwhelming him. Being a non-existent person, with no roots, past, or even a name of his own, has always upset him. He had no roots or a past to connect to, but perhaps it was time to create one. Every root began from a small lonely seed. Maybe it was up to him to plant the first one. He never gave much thought for his future, but it was something that he was beginning to consider nowadays. He did want to belong somewhere. He wanted to be remembered after his death. A person with no identity would easily vanish without a trace, without any evidence of his life. He didn't want to end up that way.

Taking a long breath, he looked up at her. There was hesitation in his eyes. "But... but what name can I use? I have no name of my own."

Nora smiled gently, reaching a hand over the table and placing it gently over his palm. "Your name is just fine. I don't know much about how you've come across it, but I do know that it is your name as much as it was the name of the deceased Heero Yuy. This is what the war had shaped you into. I think that there is a lot of heritage and meaning behind that name. I don't think you can find anything more suitable."

He tried to smile, though it faltered. He was too busy thinking over questions he never had to deal with seriously. Creating a bogus identity was child's play, but now when he was faced with the task of creating his own, permanent, factual and earnest identity, the so-called "little" details were at their utmost importance. He didn't want his "true" identity, the one he wanted to pass on when he dies, to be false as well. He wanted those details to be his own, to belong solely to him, and not to be chosen randomly. He wanted his identity to have true meaning, otherwise it was all pointless.

"My birth date..." He murmured after some thought, his features troubled. "I don't even know when I was born. I can guess my age, very vaguely, but I will not be able to answer if they ask for my date of birth."

Nora seemed to be considering what he said, leaning heavily into her chair. She was silent for a while, until she turned to look at him seriously. "Do you know what happened on April 6th? Anything important?"

Heero sighed and bowed his head. "Operation Meteor." He whispered, looking around nervously before facing her. "You say I should use that date as my birthday?"

She chuckled bitterly. "The irony of it seems fitting enough."

He was silent for a long time, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the steam rising from his mug.

"Heero, I think that this citizenship will be a big step towards creating your future." She tried to encourage him. "You do plan on building a future, aren't you?"

Heero sighed, shifting from side to side on his chair. "I have thought about it, a little..."

"You're a talented and intelligent young man. You're kind, compassionate and decent. You deserve a good life just like any other person."

Again Heero shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He refused to look up from his mug. "I don't know about that..."

Nora sighed, leaning towards him. She fixed her blind eyes on him, her gaze extremely serious. "You mean because of your past. Because of what you did as a soldier."

Heero didn't look up. They never spoke about their pasts. They voiced their opinions about the war, about life, death and many other trivial topics, but never dared to venture into the past. He couldn't claim to know much about her history, he only knew that it caused her much sadness, just like his past had done to him. But he wasn't surprised that she had guessed it by her self. He didn't make it hard to guess.

"It's quite understandable." Nora assured him with a soothing voice. "Many young men were recruited to OZ. That sonofabitch leader of theirs didn't care for the soldier's age as long as they could fight."

Heero shook his bowed head and sighed deeply. "I wasn't in OZ."

Nora frowned. "Oh." She took a moment to think and then turned to him with a skeptic expression. "Well, you couldn't possibly have been a Federation soldier. You were too young."

"No. I wasn't at the Federation either."

"Then where..?" She wondered out loud, until it suddenly dawned on her. "Wait a minute," she excalimed, turning to face him, "You're from the Colonies?!"

Heero nodded slowly, and then added a small "Yes."

Nora seemed shocked, leaning slowly back in her chair. There was a distant and haunted expression on her face as she mumbled: "I had no idea..." They were silent for a while, lost in thoughts. Nora was stirring her drink distractedly while Heero stared down at his lap.

"Does that mean you were fighting with those extremists... with those maniacs, White Fang?!"

He shook his head. "No..." He sighed, shifting his pose again. "Worse..."

"But that leaves just..." Her eyes widened and she hurried to place a hand over her mouth in a gasp. She leaned closer to whisper to him- "You were a Gundam pilot?!"

He sighed quietly, providing no answer and yet telling it all. Nora pulled back, stunned. "Dear Lord..." She whispered, horrified. "But you were... you were only... how old were you? Fifteen!? Dear God..."

"Yeah..." He mumbled, his eyes glazing over as he kept staring numbly at his lap.

"And you piloted those monsters? By... by choice?"

Heero shifted in his seat, his blue eyes darkening with haunting memories and regret. "Yes, and no." He bowed his head, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. "I was merely a child when they took me. I don't think it would have done any good if I had refused. I was only eight years old... What could I have done? They had their eyes on me since I was young... I didn't have much choice." He explained with a shaky voice, sounding as if he was on the verge of crying. He never spoke to anyone about this. Not even the other pilots. No one knew how he came to be one of the most fearsome warriors on Earth and in Space. He tried not to think about it himself. It was far too troubling to enter a circle of "what-if" thoughts.

"And your parents?" Nora asked, her voice also trembling, not with horror, but with sympathy. She felt so sorry for him, his anguish and regret painfully obvious in his voice.

"I don't have any parents." He confessed quietly. "I can barely remember if I ever had... I think I did... once..." He whispered sadly, closing his eyes. "I'm never sure if it's a fantasy or a distant memory. Most of my early memories are just... wishful thinking."

A few images flickered through his mind, whether dream or truth he was never sure, but they were the only memories he possessed of his forgotten past. Bright images of an apartment, a park, an apple pie and his mother's sky-blue dress. Just a few brief flashes of smiles, warm hands, long hair that shone under the light and the feeling of a caress. He never knew whether it indeed happened to him, or were those images merely the broken dreams of a child that was murdered long ago.

"I'm so sorry, Heero..." Nora whispered, her eyes tearful. Her heart was bleeding for him.

He sighed, closing his eyes sadly. "So am I..."

They were silent for a few long moments, both of them brooding. After some time, Heero took a deep breath and slowly turned to look up at her. He smiled softly, his eyes glittering with tears, but nevertheless there was a small, thankful, smile on his lips.

"Thank you, Nora." He said quietly.

She turned to look at him, confused. "What for?"

"For listening. For... for believing in me. In my future. I think I'll try to acquire that citizenship."

A small smile touched her lips, the light returning to her features. "That's wonderful." She whispered back with a smile and a tearful pair of eyes.

.....

Three weeks later, his citizenship was approved and he came to collect it. The process was surprisingly easy. Even though he had no birth records, no reliable documents of any kind of either going to school, serving in the army, having a job or anything else that might have left his mark in the world; he was able to issue a request for an Earth Sphere Citizenship.

The clerk handling his case was a bit doubtful when Heero declared the reason for his lack of identity, stating that he was a Gundam pilot during the war. The man refused to believe, and therefore he had to transfer the request to higher ranks. The request climbed up the ladder of authority, reaching as far as the Earth Sphere Government Hall in Brussels, where it was approved by the Foreign Minister herself, Ms. Relena Darlian. The approval for his request came back with a perfumed letter wishing him well in life and many hugs and kisses. He blushed as the clerk at City Hall handed it to him, eyeing him strangely.

From there the road was smooth and easy. All he had to do was fill out a few forms, take a picture and provide the signature of at least one citizen who could vouch for him (that was done by Nora, of course). The stamp was applied to the proper papers, and just like that he got himself an identity: "**The Earth Sphere Alliance Government herby states that Heero Yuy, male, born on April 6th AC 180 on the L1 cluster, colony unknown, is an Earth Sphere Alliance Citizen, with all the rights and duties that come with this citizenship. Serial Social Number 7283101-39512140**."

And that was that. Heero Yuy, not a great politician, nor a fearsome warrior, was officially born.

The first thing he decided to do with his newly acquired citizenship was to go back to school. He felt like his brain was slowly deteriorating, his potential being wasted. He was useless and unproductive. He hated the feeling. It made him feel empty and worthless. He hated the feeling of inefficiency. He was a person who was used to being active, being useful. Even though he didn't always enjoy what he was doing, and on many cases he didn't approve of his own actions, he still took some sort of comfort from being occupied. A life spent lying around doing nothing was worthless. He wanted his life to _go_ somewhere, to have a certain direction, an aim and a purpose. He had no intention becoming the cheap inadequate human being he always felt like.

He decided to enroll in the local university in order to help him find the purpose he sought. Harcourt Brace University was glad to give him the opportunity to achieve his goal. It was one of very few universities on Earth that opened its gates to ex-military students. Their only conditions were that he was to take a few tests to prove himself, go through a standard SAT test, and enroll in an Academic Preparation prior to starting his degree. If he will pass all of the above he will receive a post-military service scholarship and enter the university. The world was beginning to show its kindness to ex-military personnel. Young men and women who lost their past and future all because they fought to protect their home were finally being rewarded the way they should. They were finally given a second chance as laws supporting humanitarian aid to former soldiers were passed in the Earth Sphere pacifist government.

The day he was scheduled to meet the dean in order to hear the university's final verdict about his registration request, Nora offered to go with him. It was a sunny winter day, the weather becoming more pleasant as spring approached. Harcourt Brace was a large ancient stone building with a classic 19th century design. Huge windows towered over gigantic halls and wide corridors. The building was flooded with sunlight that washed the colorfully patterned floors and the cream-colored walls. Everything was perfectly polished and decorative. Nevertheless the place did not appear sterile. On the contrary, it was quite lively. Many students walked the halls, chatting and smiling as they walked from class to class, holding their books. The teaching staff seemed friendly, greeting their students in the halls and vice a versa.

The offices were located at the top floor, a large panorama window overlooking the beautiful yard that stood behind the building. Many students were sitting around the garden, some on benches, some slouching under a tree and some sitting by the fountain at the center of the small park. The garden was located at the heart of the university structure, which closed around it in a square shape.

Heero took the time to gaze out the window as he waited to be called into the dean's office. He was rather nervous, sweating inside his clothing. He was wearing a white dress shirt and a pair of his good jeans, trying to look somewhat presentable, though his hair seemed to disagree, being as messy as ever. He paced the waiting room back and forth, trying to calm down. He had no idea what to do if this university will turn him down.

"Would you stop moving around so much? You're making me dizzy!" Nora called at him, laughing lightly. The sound of his footsteps, moving left and right, was driving her crazy.

Heero stopped abruptly, and sighed. "Gomen." He muttered, taking a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

"You have no reason to be nervous. You aced every test they threw at you. You earned that scholarship fair and square."

"I hope you're right." He mumbled, looking down at his hands.

"Mr. Yuy?" The dean's secretary opened the door to his office and peeked into the waiting room. She smiled at Heero's direction. "The dean will see you now."

Nodding in acknowledgment and got up. Nora smiled in his general direction. She didn't have to say anything, one smile was enough. Heero smiled back and walked into the office.

A few minutes after Heero disappeared into the office, Nora got up in search for the rest rooms. She made her way out of the waiting room, with the aid of her cane, and began searching the halls. When she had no luck finding the bathrooms, she decided to stop the useless search and seek someone who could help her.

It was probably the hand of fate that guided her down a certain hallway, and straight into someone. She bumped into someone, and immediately jumped back. She could hear books falling in a clatter to the floor, and a soft curse.

"Damn it..."

"I'm so sorry." She hurried to apologize. "I didn't see you." She added in a helpless smile, turning her head up in the general direction she had heard the curse come from.

The person she had just bumped into was silent for a moment, until she heard him (her?) sigh helplessly.

"It's my fault, ma'am. I didn't look where I was going." The person (definitely male) replied softly. He had a nice voice, kind of bittersweet and warm. He sounded young and optimistic. His voice made her smile.

"Enough apologizing." She said, kneeling down to search for the fallen books. Her hands sought the area around them, grabbing a few books and collecting them into a pile. She could hear the other's clothes rustle as he bent down to help her.

"Please, ma'am, there's no need."

"Nonsense." She objected, picking up another book. "There you go." She handed him the pile of books. "I hope that's all."

"It is. Thank you." The young man spoke softly, taking the books from her. They both rose to their feet. "May I help you? Were you lost?"

Nora smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Yes. I was searching for the ladies' room."

She could somehow sense the man's smile. "There's one on the way to the main office. I'm heading there myself. Come on." She could hear him pick up her cane from the floor, the metal scrapping against the polished wood. He took her hand, and she tensed for a moment. His hand was warm and soft, harmless, and she quickly relaxed. She let him lead her to the office.

A few months ago she would have been very distrustful and even rude to that young man, even if he was simply trying to help her. It was a defense mechanism she had developed over the years. Blind people were easy targets for criminals and bored soldiers during the war. It was easy to become their prey. She learned to be strong and independent, or she would have never survived the war. When the war ended she remained imprisoned inside her own protective walls, trapped inside her own icy fortress.

It was Heero who changed all that. He was a person who was easy to trust. There was a certain air around him, a certain feeling one got by simply standing by his side. It was that intensity of his presence, that comforting and inspiring spirit of his, which made her feel safe enough to let her guard down. It was that timid yet confident voice of his. That extreme contrast between his fragility and strength. He was such a strong and mature young man, and yet, he was only a shy little boy who was still trying to get by in life. How could one feel hostile towards such a person?

The need to help his troubled soul and offer him as much comfort as she could was what drove her to breach the walls of her fortress. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to care for him. She wanted to ­_feel_ for him. It would have been a crime if she would have let his kind and gentle spirit wither away in loneliness. He didn't deserve such treatment.

So she helped him. She forced herself to overcome her habit of pushing people away, and invited him into her world. Before she knew it, she was a different person. As she "watched" him overcome his insecurity and come out of his solitude, step by step, slowly but gradually, she found that she too was changing. They walked that journey together, hand in hand, slowly learning to trust humanity again. It was a beautiful feeling, and it was what made her able to trust this young stranger she just met. She knew that there was no need to be so hostile anymore. Heero made her believe in human compassion again. He was a ruthless warrior once, and yet remained a benevolent young man in his heart. That was enough to make her see that there was still some goodness left in man's heart.

Lost in her musings, Nora suddenly became aware of a certain sound. As they walked together closely she kept hearing this odd "whooshing" sound, and she also felt a light breeze touching her wrist. She was baffled by the reason for this sound and couldn't keep herself from satisfying her curiosity. She bit her lower lip, biting back a chuckle, and quickly made her move. She freed her hand from the young man's grasp and hurried to reach for the source of the sound. She ended up grabbing something forcefully and tugging it hard.

"Ouch!" The young man let out and jumped. "What the?!" He exclaimed, turning around quickly.

Nora chuckled. "Oh! It's your hair!" She called, laughing. "I'm sorry!" She apologized, still snickering.

"Huh?" The young man let out dumbly, and she could hear him scratch his head, probably from pain or confusion. "You could hear my _hair_?"

She nodded, smiling sheepishly. "Yup. It keeps 'whooshing' all the time. I figured you either have a tail or I'm delusional. I have to admit I didn't consider a braid as a possibility."

"You are one strange woman." The young man muttered, though she could tell that he was amused. "Next time just, uh, ask, all right?"

"No problem." She replied smoothly, still smiling. "Now, I _really_ have to find that bathroom."

The man chuckled. "Sure. I'll take you there." He said, taking her hand again. They resumed walking.

"I'm Duo, by the way." He said casually, finally coming to a stop. He let go of her hand.

"Nora." She replied, smiling at him. "And thanks for showing me the way."

"Anytime. I gotta go back to class, so uh, will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine. Thank you." She assured him.

"Right. Well then, good day to you Nora." He hurried to bid his goodbye and with a final, clumsy, handshake, he ran off. She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps, and then shook her head in amusement. What a funny young man. He reminded her of Heero, somehow. It was odd. They sounded nothing alike, but it was something in that sheepish note of his voice that reminded her of Heero.

Shrugging at the thought, she turned and entered the bathroom.

* * *

* * *

[i] I am referring to episode 23 when Trowa was working undercover in OZ while Duo, Heero and Wufei were held there captive (Quatre was busy going "zero" at the time). Heero and Trowa were used as test pilots for new mobile suit models- the Mercurious and the Vayeight. I just think it was so cute of Duo to offer himself instead of Heero. I would like to think that there was more than just a "pilot's ego" talking there...


	3. part 3

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: 

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

* * *

**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART THREE**

.....

Only two weeks later Heero was already drowning in work. He was accepted to the university and thus he had a lot of catching up to do. He was down to working only twice a week, two shifts in a row. He had so much studying to do that he barely slept. It didn't bother him much, he was used to hard work and few hours of sleep. It was actually quite stimulating to be back to a packed and tight schedule.

He had deliberately chosen courses of subjects he knew little about. He decided to leave the field of Natural Sciences and explore the field of Humanities and Social Sciences. He had enough of accurate sciences for a lifetime. He was majoring in psychology, with a side course of philosophy and basic literature. He wished to explore the more spiritual side of man. He believed that perhaps it would help him gain a new perspective on life, beginning from his own as well as mankind in general. He was hoping to find a different meaning to life than a constant struggle and fighting.

Most of his studying he did at Nora's place or at the local library. His own apartment did not inspire him to open his mind and learn. On one weekend he took a break from his books and decided to clean Nora's apartment. Nora was out on some arrangements – for some reason she had INSISTED on going alone – so he thought to use the time to clean her place. He was practically _living_ there, so it was the least he could do.

He was just dusting the shelves in the living room when something suddenly occurred to him. There he was, standing in front of a large bookcase, packed with many thick books, at a blind woman's apartment!

Why would Nora have so many books if she was blind?!

He put the duster aside and turned to examine the books more closely. They were very dusty, suggesting that they haven't been touched in a very long while. He pulled out some books to read the titles, frowning as he read them over:

"Diplomacy and Politics". "Talking to the people". "Social skills in the diplomatic world". "The cause of the ambassador". "Diplomatic history of Earth and Space". "Connecting the Colonies with the Earth". "World Diplomat"...

The list went on and on. There were many books dealing with both diplomacy and politics. He was surprised to find out that most of the books dealt with Space rather than the Earth. He was even MORE surprised to find a shabby old book written by the original, deceased, Heero Yuy. It was a fairly thick book dealing with the history of war and tension between Earth and the Colonies. He pulled that book out and leafed through it for a while. He recalled reading it sometime, long ago, and probably as a part of his training. Dr. J was an extreme patriot and he had him reading such books at a very young age.

Stunned, Heero put the book back in place and took a shaky step back. He was eyeing the bookshelf with wide and confused eyes. What did all of this had to do with Nora? He never knew she was so deeply into Colony Politics. Heck, he never even knew that she _was_ from the Colonies! The thought never occurred to him. Besides, why should she keep such a thing secret? What was she afraid to tell him?

He was about to reach for another book, when the door slowly opened. He hurried to withdraw his hand and quickly turned around. He turned just in time to see Nora struggle to enter the apartment while carrying three heavy paper bags. She was hidden behind the tall bags, the crown of a lettuce and a baguette hiding her face.

_That stubborn woman_, he mused and strode hastily to the door. He took two heavy bags full of groceries from her hands, easing her load.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going shopping?" He asked, frowning, as they both made their way to the kitchen. "I could have helped."

Nora was silent for a few moments, tiredly placing the brown bag on the kitchen table. She turned to him with a weary gaze, looking beat. Sighing, she said: "Heero, I can't depend on you all the time. I'm a grown woman, I can handle myself."

Taken aback by her words, Heero bit his lower lip and remained silent. He began taking out the different groceries out of the paper bag. He didn't know if it was her words that bothered him, or the tone she used. She sounded so... depressed. Hopeless. Something was wrong. Her voice was too tired, and her words were unusually bitter. He thought she overcame her bitterness, just like he did. The thought of being wrong about it sent chills down his spine. He didn't wish to be ignorant to her feelings. He wanted to be there for her.

"I'm sorry, Heero." Nora muttered silently as she placed a carton of milk in the fridge. Her shoulders were slumped and her back was faced to him as she spoke: "I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just... tired, that's all. I'm just tired." She whispered with a sigh, slowly closing the refrigerator.

"I'm going to bed." She added in a low murmur, her head bowed as she slowly walked out of the kitchen.

Heero frowned in worry, watching her go. He looked down at his wristwatch, noting that it was only five PM. He looked up at her bedroom door, a painful pinch tugging his heart when he saw Nora close it behind her.

Sighing, he bowed his head and closed his eyes sadly. His fists were clenched at the sides of his body. He felt so damn useless at the moment, being unable to help the woman he had learned to care about the most.

.....

Nora came out of her room to make dinner that evening. Her every movement was stiff and tired as she worked to prepare the meal. The kitchen was silent aside for the clacking of a spoon against a pot and a knife on the cutting board. A soup was boiling on the stove, the soft bubbling filling the air with a numbing sound.

Heero was sitting by the kitchen table, his books set neatly in front of him. He was leaning over a thick and shabby notebook, his face concentrated with a frown as he tried to keep his mind on the text. His mind kept wandering back to the bookcase in the living room, back to those books Nora possessed. He wanted to ask her about them, but something told him that he shouldn't.

There was tension in the air. The atmosphere in the kitchen was edgy and unpleasant. He felt tense even with no good reason, something in the air made his muscles taut. Nora's solemn mood was a great part of it. Something was bothering the woman, and it bothered Heero as well.

He looked up from his books, stealing a glance towards her. She was standing by the stove, stirring the soup. Her shoulders were slumped and her appearance was tired. She seemed so fragile all of a sudden, far from the proud and sweet woman he was used to see.

There was great sadness inside Nora, there's always have been. Sometimes, when he slept over, he could hear her cry at night. He would be lying on the sofa, curled under a blanket he never remembered covering himself with, as he listened to her cry. Her tears were bitter and full of grief. Her pain echoed in every sob. He would lie there, lost and confused, having no idea what to do. He didn't know if he should go and comfort her, if he should force her to speak or just ignore it for the time being. There was so much sadness in her heart, so much pain he wanted to ease, but he didn't know how. When she cried, all he did was curl under his blanket as his heart cried with her. He didn't know what else to do.

The next morning she would be fine, all smiles and puns and sweet manners. She acted like nothing was wrong, like the sun was shining and everything was fine. She was a fool if she thought that he could not see her sadness. Her eyes might be blind, but they told volumes of what she was feeling. Something was murdering her from the inside. He had to make her speak about it, somehow. He knew from experience that if she would just talk about it, if she will let her secrets out, bear them in front of another soul, her heart will be ten times lighter. He used to keep so much hurt inside him, so much pain that his heart could not contain, and only when he began speaking about it, only when he had someone to listen, that pain began to ease. Nora was there to listen to him; she was there to listen and not to judge. He wanted to do the same for her.

"Heero, would you set the table please?" Nora asked quietly, before she turned off the fire in the stove.

"Hai." He mumbled, closing his book. He slowly cleared his things off the kitchen table and walked over to the cupboard to take the plates. The kitchen was silent as he arranged the table, and it remained silent as Nora served the food. She sat down heavily, exhaling a long sigh. The chairs creaked loudly in the silent kitchen as both drew closer to the table and began to eat.

Heero stared at her sadly, leaving his food untouched. His heart clenched painfully when he realized how tired she looked, her features terribly pale.

"Is something wrong?" He dared to ask, his tone slow and careful.

Nora didn't turn to face him, and simply took another sip of the soup. "No." She said, sighing. "I'm just very tired, Heero."

Heero sighed sadly. He used to be tired too, tired of living, but now he was grateful for every breath he drew. And it was all thanks to this woman. Why couldn't he make her happy too!?

"I'll be gone on some arrangements next week." Nora informed him quietly while eating. "So don't be surprised if I won't be home."

"Where are you going? Do you want me to come?" He asked, his tone somewhat hopeful.

Nora turned to face him, smiling warmly, though her eyes glittered with sadness. "There's no need, Heero, really. I can do this by myself."

"I understand." Heero mumbled, bowing his head sadly.

"You're welcomed to come over if you want, I'll leave you a key." She said, still smiling in that tired manner of hers. "I'll leave you some food in the fridge, so you'll have something to eat while studying."

Heero sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, terribly bothered by this arrangement. He felt like a nuisance. Perhaps she was tired of his constant company. Perhaps he had used her hospitality to the limit. Was he not wanted here anymore? But that couldn't be, because she invited him to stay anyway! No. there had to be another reason. Maybe she _did _have something she HAD to do alone. But what?

"Heero, please don't take it the wrong way." Nora spoke softly. She could read his silence so well, to a point where she could almost _hear_ his thoughts. She knew that he was taking this too grimly.

"You've done nothing wrong, Heero. There's just something I have to take care of. It won't be long, just a few hours."

"I, I understand." He mumbled, trying to tell himself that indeed he had nothing to worry about. It didn't help much. He knew that something was going on, and it bothered him to no end.

.....

"Hey, Heero, you're not coming to the lecture?" One of the students in Heero's basic-psychology class asked him as the lesson ended. The two sat side by side during the lesson, and they were on somewhat of friendly terms. When the young student noticed that Heero was in a rush to leave class, he ran after him and caught up with him in the hallway.

"It's something all students must attend." He informed Heero. "The Dean would have your HEAD if you'll skip the lecture."

Heero snorted and adjusted his hold on his backpack. "Colony-Terrorism between AC 180 to AC 190? Please, Nathan, save me the trouble." He muttered, walking forward without shifting his gaze aside for a moment.

Students passed them by in a rush, heading the opposite way, towards the auditorium, where the lecture was held.

"I think that pre-war terrorism is pretty interesting. It should be a cool lecture." Nathan contradicted with a smile.

"The last thing I want to hear at the moment is about terrorist attacks on space-embassies and federal buildings. I've had enough of that for a lifetime." He said bitterly, his gaze harsh and unforgiving as he continued walking forward.

Nathan sighed. "Fine, suit yourself. I'll tell the dean you felt sick or something."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Heero thanked him softly, and the two parted ways. Nathan made his way back to the auditorium while Heero strode quickly out of the building and past the yard.

He was in such a hurry to leave, that he failed to notice another student skipping the lecture. He stalked promptly past a thick tree on his way out of the university, missing the sight of a swinging braid sneaking into a narrow passageway that led out of the yard, and into the street.

He hurried to catch the bus home and walked straight to Nora's place. He keyed himself in and threw his backpack to the floor. He didn't take the time to have a drink, freshen up, or eat something. He walked directly to the bookcase in the living room, back to the mystery, back to finding some answers.

He used Nora's absence to try and dig a little into her past. He had little luck finding anything through the library computer. Her name didn't come up anywhere notable. Just a few records of being born and alive, a recent Earth Sphere Citizen, but that wasn't unusual because the Earth Sphere Government was established not so long ago, and all of its citizens were new. There was no way telling where she might have been before the Earth united into one nation. He didn't want to use his skills and hack the City Hall records, because he promised himself to stop all illegal activities once the war was over. He decided, back then, that he will start from scratch, and he will do it in an honest and decent way.

Therefore his search through the bureaucratic world ended with no results. The most logical thing to do was start at the root of the problem, the very core of his search- Nora's apartment. He decided that the bookcase was a good place to start.

He scanned the books once again, going through all the political and diplomatic reading material. He pulled out each book, scanned it quickly and searched between its pages. He found nothing. Just a few ragged notes, written in someone's messy handwriting. He assumed it wasn't Nora's writing, but he could never be sure because he never saw her write anything.

Dejected, he reached for the last book on the shelf. It was a thick, dusty and moldy book. It smelled like old paper, its pages turning yellow with age. Reading the title on the cover, Heero saw that it was just another book about diplomacy.

"Understanding the people", the cover said. Heero sighed and opened the book. The hard cover made a soft scarping noise as he opened it, suggesting that the book hadn't been opened in a long, long, while. The first page was empty of print, but there was a small handwritten dedication:

Never forget what this is all about, dear.

The people are the heart and soul of every public server.

Good luck with your new job.

Love,

Nora.

Heero frowned in confusion. These books didn't belong to Nora. They were someone else's books. But who?

Taking a deep breath, he began leafing through the thick book. There were whole chapters filled with paragraphs that spoke of peace and humanity. About righteousness and honesty. About caring for the cause and never forgetting who you work for. The guide for the perfect politician, if there was such a thing. This book treated the corruption in the political world like the disease that it was. It was filled with dreams and visions that never came true. Heero wondered if anyone ever bothered to read this book besides the one Nora got it for. Considering all that went on in the political arena during the last few decades, it was highly unlikely.

Sighing, he turned the book over to look at the back cover. Something fell out of the book as he turned it over, and landed on the floor.

Heero swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. For some reason, his heart began beating faster. He slowly bowed his head to look down at the fallen object.

It was a photograph, lying face down at his feet.

His breath quickened as he bent down to pick it up. His hand was trembling as he held it and brought it up to his face. There was a certain forbidding feeling in the air. His heart was pounding hard as he slowly turned the photograph over. There were answers there, he was sure. He just wasn't sure if he was allowed to know them.

The photo lay heavily in his arms for a long time. He just stood there, staring at it numbly, his gaze unfocused. He felt the pressure rise in the air around him, making the air too heavy to breathe. The picture was like dead weight in his hand. He took a faltering breath before focusing his eyes on the picture. His glazed blue eyes slowly came back to focus and looked at it.

The photograph was old, its edges eaten up. There were small yellow stains over it, but still it was very clear. There were three people photographed there, a man, a woman and a small child. They were standing in what looked like a big green park, the silver casing of a colony in the background.

Heero swallowed hard and examined the woman's face. He was looking into the face of a very young, maybe twenty-years-old, Nora. She was wearing a bright blue dress, which reached down to her ankles, and her long hair was gathered in a thick braid lying over her shoulder. She wasn't looking directly into the lens, meaning that she was blind. But there was a bright light in her eyes that he had never seen before. She seemed very happy, as was the man by her side.

She was standing beside a tall and handsome young man. The two were hugging each other, his hand around her waist, both of them smiling at the camera. He was taller than her, dark and handsome. Leaning closer to the picture, Heero thought that he could see a hint of Asian heritage in the man's features.

His hand was trembling badly as he turned his eyes to look at the third person in the picture- a small, maybe three years old, child. He was standing by his father, holding his large hand with his little palm. There was a wide, sweet, smile lighting his little features, his dark blue eyes sparkling with joy and love. He was so tiny compared to his parents, but his pose suggested that he felt bigger than life at the moment. There was a strong feeling of love, trust and happiness radiating from that single photo. A small moment frozen in time that contained so much emotion, so many feelings and so much told without one word said.

Heero found himself drawn to the picture. He held it with shaking hands, bringing it closer to his face as if meaning to get sucked into that picture, into that beautiful moment in time.

He staggered backwards, slowly sitting down on the couch. He didn't take his eyes off the picture the whole time. His heart was beating painfully. He wanted to know everything about this picture. Where was it taken? When? He was holding the reason for Nora's unhappiness in his hand, and he wanted to know why. Where did all the happiness in that photo disappear? What happened?

He had to make Nora speak about it.

Bowing his head, he reached his hand to carefully touch the picture. He ran his fingers gently over the photograph, caressing each face. A small smile spread on his lips, as a tiny tingle of warmth touched his heart. For a moment, he felt like a part of that picture, like a member of the happy family. For a moment, his heart filled with such warmth, so familiar and strong, that he could have sworn he had felt it before.

The door suddenly opened and Nora walked in. Heero flinched, startled, and dropped the picture.

"Heero, are you here?" Nora called as she closed the door, her voice tired.

Heero nodded and hurried to bend down and pick the photograph. "H-hai." He called back, his hands moving frantically to hide the photo, though common sense suggested that he didn't have to.

Nora sighed and hung her coat by the door. Her movements were stiff and tired. "Are you studying?" She asked wearily, some numb callousness evident in her voice.

"Yes." Heero hurried to say, shoving the photo into the book. He hurried to slam it shut, flinching at the loud sound it made. His heart was racing and his cheeks burnt with shame. He felt bad for what he had done, and he felt even worse for the fact that he could easily hide it from her because she was blind.

"Is something wrong?" Nora asked, moving slowly towards the sofa. She wiped a few chunks of her long hair back, moving it out of her tired eyes. She could hear the different rhythm of his breathing, which she already knew how to recognize according to his mood. She could tell when he was sleeping or simply tired, when he was in a lot of physical exertion, eating, drinking, watching television, concentrating on his studying, angry, happy, cold, warm... anything at all. She was used to hear the sound of his breathing, the very rhythm of his life, in her apartment. The place felt empty and cold when this sound was absent. Right now she knew that he was nervous or troubled. His tone of voice supported that assumption.

"Is everything all right?" She asked again, sitting down by his side. She turned to face him, her features worried. Heero couldn't help but notice how pale she was. She looked sick. He didn't want to cause her any more trouble.

Sighing, he looked away. "Everything is fine." He whispered, trying to sound like he meant it. It was hard to fool Nora. "I'm just... tired. Too much studying, I guess."

"I see. Would you like me to make you some coffee?" She asked, preparing to get up.

Heero shook his head. "No, there's no need, Nora. Thank you." He assured her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her down to the couch. He got up himself. "I'll help myself." He said and walked to the kitchen. He placed the book on the kitchen table; under a few newspapers he had read that morning. His heart was still beating faster with guilt. Questions were swirling wildly in his mind, making him dizzy. His hand trembled as he made himself a cup of strong coffee, and a cup of tea for Nora. She looked too ill and too pale for his liking. He was worried.

.....

He took it onto himself to make dinner that night. Silence hung heavily in the air as he served the meal to the table and sat down to eat. Nora seemed to be lost in thought, merely sitting there and staring sadly at her meal. He tried to coax some words out of her, but she was not in the mood for talking. Heero understood and remained silent. The atmosphere in the usually cozy apartment chilled by a couple degrees.

When they were done eating, Nora prepared to clear the table. Heero's heart sank when he noticed that her hands trembled when she picked up her plate. He jumped out of his seat and took the plate from her.

"I'll do it." He didn't wait for her agreement and began to clear the table. Nora stood there for a while, until she retired to bed with a long sigh. From his position by the sink, Heero watched her walk stiffly out of the kitchen and disappear into her bedroom. His heart twitched in pain when he saw her close the door behind her, shutting him out completely.

He swallowed the tears that were conniving to assault him, vanquishing them before they could conjure any attack plans. He turned back to the sink, his hands moving frantically under the warm water, scrubbing the plates furiously. His blue eyes were numb and moist, flooded with self-loathing and shame. For all the support and comfort Nora offered him, for all the good she had done for him, he couldn't give back even half of it. What a useless person he was, unable to help the person he cared about the most.

He finished with the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen, all the while thinking helplessly of a way to approach Nora with his discovery about the photograph. With a heavy sigh, he brought his books to the kitchen and sat down to study. The apartment was dark, except for the light in the kitchen. When he looked ahead he encountered nothing but the dark void of the living room and Nora's closed door. It hurt to see it closed, so he turned away, back to his books. It was hard for him to concentrate on the text, but he was not willing to leave the apartment just yet. It wouldn't be the first time he would stay the night, and this time it was essential for him to stay. He didn't want to leave Nora's side. He might not be of much help, but the least he could do was stay. Let her know that he was there if she needed him.

Four hours later found Heero leaning over his book with his head pillowed in his arms. He was deep asleep, his mouth slightly open as he breathed. His eyelids were flickering under the effect of a dream, a few tears lingering to the corner of his eyes. The apartment was silent aside for his heavy breathing. It was so silent that one could almost hear the tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. Those tears were for Nora, because even in his dream he was trying hard to find away to help her. In his dream, he realized, his heart filled with love. He loved her too much to let her wallow in dark misery. He wanted to reach out and hug her with all his might, to sooth all of her pain. Somewhere in his dream, a dreadful feeling overtook him, telling him that he could never take her pain away. And for that, he also cried.

A silent creaking sound tore through the silence of the night as Nora's door slowly opened. Dressed in an ankle-length nightgown and a robe, her long hair unbound, Nora clutched her robe tightly and slowly made her way towards the kitchen. At the sound of Heero's breathing, she stopped in the doorway, turning her blind gaze in his direction. He was having another nightmare, she concluded, her heart going out for him.

She sighed quietly and slowly removed her robe. She placed it gently over his back, covering him. She stood by his chair, listening to the comforting sound of his breathing. She reached a trembling hand forward, until her fingers brushed against his hair. She caressed him gently, lovingly, running her fingers through his soft hair. A small, sad, smile touched her lips and she sighed again, closing her eyes sadly. Tears leaked down her cheeks, and her heart felt heavy with anguish.

"Oh Hikari..."

.....

"So how's it going with your studying?" Raul asked as he cleaned the coffee mugs behind the counter. Heero, who was cleaning the service counter, shrugged.

"All right, I suppose. I have finales coming up." He answered quietly. He was in a solemn mood, and not much willing to make conversation. Though Raul and he had gotten close in the last few weeks, ever since they discovered that they were in the same literature class, Heero didn't feel like speaking with him today. His mind was troubled with other topics, the main one being Nora. He couldn't stop thinking about the woman. About her sadness and the pain that hovered over her like a dark cloud. The story told in the old photograph was eating at her heart. He was afraid of losing her to despair. He was determined to do everything in his power to keep her from falling into the same dark pit she had rescued him from not so long ago. She had managed to chase his pain away, to ease his sadness, and he felt so ungrateful for being unable to do the same for her. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to comfort her, but she didn't let him get close. She was beginning to close off again, like she was when they first met.

He knew it had something to do with the photo he found. He knew that there was a past she was mourning for, a loss that was far greater than anything he could imagine. He just didn't know how to make her speak of it. How to let her know that he was willing to listen, that he was willing to help. He wasn't sure how exactly, but he wanted to try. He owed her so much; he wanted to return all the favors she had done for him.

"Really? Me too." Raul replied with a smile, cutting Heero's string of thought. "Professor Ravitz is giving us all a hard time."

Heero nodded, and threw his cloth aside. He made his way to the coffee machine and released the pot. He began the routine task of cleaning the machine and refreshing the coffee supply.

"You're not much in a talking mood today, are you?" Raul asked more seriously, some concern evident in his voice.

Heero sighed and reached a hand into the coffee pot in order to gather all the mud-like coffee powder that clung to the bottom.

"Is something wrong?" Raul asked, stepping closer to Heero.

"No." Heero muttered, reaching a hand inside the pot. Unfortunately for him, the pot was still very hot, the muddy coffee burning his fingers. In reflex, he yanked his hand out of there, jumping back. The dark substance he had gathered in his hand flew back and landed all over Raul's shirt.

"Shit." Heero cursed, waving his burnt hand in an attempt to cool it. "It was still hot." He sighed, turning to face Raul.

The young man's shirt was stained with the muddy coffee. "Yeah, and now I'm covered with it." Raul muttered bitterly, looking down at his dirty shirt.

Heero smiled in apology. "I'm sorry, Raul." He said, his voice small and dejected. "I forgot to check if it was hot."

Raul glared at him, though it was all in good spirits. "And to think that you used to be a Gundam pilot..." He snarled, and then winked. He tried to wipe the dark muck of his shirt, making a disgusted face. "Oh yuck..."

"Here, give me your shirt." Heero said, already unbuttoning his own uniforms. "We'll make a switch while I'll go clean it for you." He offered, taking his pink/blue/white shirt off. He handed it to Raul.

The young man smiled thankfully. "Thanks, man." He said, slipping out of his own shirt. "The last thing I need is Mr. Malcolm walking in here and seeing me like this. He doesn't favor me as much as he favors you..." He muttered, handing Heero the shirt.

"I'll be right back." Heero promised, walking into the kitchen with Raul's dirty shirt.

The other young man hurried to put Heero's shirt on, straighten the nametag that got tangled in the fabric, and went back to work.

The diner's door opened and a costumer walked in. He made his way to the counter and sat on one of the stools.

"Hey there." He called, gaining Raul's attention.

The young waiter turned to face him. He smiled when he recognized the young man. It was hard to forget a young man with hair as long as this one's. It was that tourist that walked into the diner about two months ago. He was dressed rather elegantly, with a fashionable red shirt, a black scarf and a matching sweater on top of it. His hair was tidier than the last time he'd seen him, probably because there were no more stormy winds to tousle it so badly. His long braid was resting smoothly over his back, his bangs brushed aside nicely. And, like last time, there was a warm smile on his face. Raul couldn't help but to smile back.

"Hey. What's up? You're still in town?"

The young man's smile grew when he saw that he was recognized. "Yup. I've kinda settled in here." He answered with a large smile, looking around the empty diner before turning back to Raul. "Care to give me some coffee?"

Raul nodded. "Sure. You'll have it here or you want it to go?"

"Nah, I'll have it here. Throw in a ham sandwich while you're at it. I'm starved." He said lightly, pulling a thick book out of a bag he was carrying. He laid it on the counter and began reading silently. When Raul returned with his order, he saw that the young man was busy writing side notes on the book, with a pencil, and there was a concentrated expression on his face. He didn't want to bother him so he just placed the plate by his side and returned to finish what Heero had started- cleaning the coffee machine.

The diner was silent again, until there was a small snapping sound, like wood breakig. The young costumer cursed. "Damn it." He said, sighing. He looked up at Raul. "I don't suppose you have a pencil around here?"

Raul turned to see him waving a broken pencil. "Uh..." He looked down at his uniforms, and saw that there was a pencil shoved in the pocket of his - Heero's – shirt. He handed it to the man with a smile. "There you go."

"Thanks." The other answered with a smile, taking the pencil.

"So," Raul began in a friendly tone. "You're a student?"

The other nodded, not taking his eyes off his book. "Yup. Harcourt Brace, home of ex-soldiers with some brains!" He said jokingly, tapping on his chest with mock-pride.

"Really?" Raul marveled. "I also go to Harcourt!"

The young man frowned, looking up at him. "Is that so? Well, in that case I should finally introduce myself, right?" He said, reaching a hand over the counter. "Duo Maxwell."

Raul smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you." He said. He was about to introduce himself as well, when Duo suddenly continued speaking.

"I've never seen you around Harcourt, uh..." He looked down at Raul's shirt, reading the nametag. His eyes suddenly widened. His head jerked up, looking at Raul in shock. "Heero Yuy!?" He exclaimed, stunned. "Y-your name is Heero Yuy!?"

Raul frowned, looking down at himself. Why did he just call him... Oh! Heero's shirt! He hurried to turn back to Duo, smiling in apology.

"No, that's not my..."

It was at that exact moment that the kitchen door opened and Heero walked back into the diner. He was holding Raul's clean shirt in his hand, making his way towards the young man.

"Sorry about this, Raul." He said apologetically, handing the man his shirt as he walked past the counter. "I cleaned..." His mind suddenly realized something, all systems coming to a full stop. "...it." His voice trialed off while his features turned numb. He slowly turned to face the man by the counter, the shirt hanging loosely in his limp hand.

Raul watched in confusion as the two locked gazes, looking stunned into each other's eyes.

"D-Duo..." Heero stuttered, his features covered with disbelief.

"Heero." The other said, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

Raul was confused. "Uh... you two know each other?"

.....

Heero fidgeted in his seat, keeping his gaze on his hands, which rested on his lap. Across of him, at the other side of the table, sat Duo, also silent. The two were sitting by one of the more remote tables at the diner, together in a quiet corner. There were two cups of coffee in front of them, courtesy of Raul who hurried to give them "some space", as he explained with a sheepish laughter.

He was both embarrassed and confused. He didn't know what to make of this encounter. He had learned to accept, a long time ago, that the other pilots chose to move on with their lives and go their separate ways. The only family he could claim to ever have broke apart. It was only natural, he assumed.

"So," Duo began, forcing some cheerfulness into his voice. It sounded strained nonetheless. "This is shocking, isn't it?" He commented with a restrained laugh. "I mean, what are the odds, huh?"

"Yeah." Heero breathed, keeping his head bowed.

There was a long silence, at which Duo took the time to sip his coffee.

"So, uh... How long have you been working here?" He finally asked, daring to send a small glance at Heero's way. The other man's silence was making him a little uncomfortable.

Heero inhaled deeply, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His head was still bowed. "About two years..." He mumbled, so confused and embarrassed that he couldn't bring himself to speak loudly. "Maybe a little less."

"No shit." Duo marveled, leaning back in his chair. He took another sip, gazing out the window. "I've been around here for like... six months. It's funny how we never ran into each other." He turned back to Heero, his gaze fierce and serious.

Heero finally gathered the courage to look up at Duo. He took a deep breath and raised his head to meet Duo's eyes. He swallowed before speaking. "W-where have you been? Before, I-I mean." He asked, his voice shaking. His cheeks were also a little flushed. He was terribly embarrassed, but he didn't know why. This was Duo after all. He knew him inside out. They used to be comrades. Friends. Brothers. Why was it so hard to speak?

Sighing, Duo leaned back into his seat, resting one arm on the table. He began tracing the edge of his cup as he spoke. "I went back to space. Straight after the war. Couldn't bear to stay down here a minute longer." He turned to look at Heero with a bitter smile. "Too many memories, yanno?"

Heero watched him silently, unblinkingly, trying to understand. This _was_ Duo in front of him, wasn't it? He was not dreaming, right? He was so... _real_. That hair, the way it shone under the sunlight. Those unique amethyst eyes, with all the laughter and the pain. That bitter smile of his and the way he was drinking his coffee. They were so... Duo. Why did he have to leave?

When he saw that he wasn't getting any clear reaction out of Heero, Duo sighed and slumped his shoulders. He returned to sipping his drink, gazing out the window. "Why did you stay on Earth, Heero?" He asked, still watching the window. His voice was quiet and solemn.

Heero sighed, lowering his gaze. He reached a hesitant hand for his coffee and began stirring it. "I woke up in a hospital three weeks after the war ended. My physical condition did not allow me to leave Earth just yet. A shuttle flight would have only damaged my health. I stayed on Earth until I was fully recovered, and then..." He sighed, shrugging. "I didn't have any reason to leave." He mumbled, looking at the window as well. "Or to stay. It didn't really matter."

Duo chuckled bitterly. "Sounds reasonable enough." He said, turning back to face Heero.

Their gazes locked. There was a certain shine in Duo's eyes. They seemed to shimmer, the soft gray sunshine coming from the window casting a certain aura to those amethyst orbs. They looked remorseful. Apologetic. Heero felt uncomfortable under such gaze. He didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Heero." Duo whispered, his voice faltering. There was deep and earnest remorse in his voice.

Heero frowned, having a hard time to follow. "What for?" He asked, trying hard to understand. "You've done nothing wrong."

Again that bitter chuckle. Duo shook his head slowly, as if amused by something, though his amusement seemed cynical. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Heero again, his eyes shining warmly. "You'll never change, will you?" he said, "Forgiving everyone but yourself." He sighed, shaking his head again before locking his gaze with Heero's.

"There's nothing to forgive." Heero said carefully, unsure about the purpose behind Duo's words.

"Heero," Duo began, leaning forward and resting both his elbows on the table. He leaned so close that he was but three inches from Heero's face. "I let you wake up to an empty room in that hospital. I just packed my bags and left. That's not what friends do." He brought one hand forward, reaching for Heero's hand, which was still holding the teaspoon limply. Heero tensed a little in surprised, and turned a pair of confused blue eyes at Duo's direction. His hand was so warm...

"I feel awful about what I've done." Duo confessed silently, his voice anguished. "I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Just like when--"

"No." Heero said sharply, pulling his hand away. "Don't you dare bring that up." He hissed, a curtain of dark pain shadowing his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done for me back then, and there was nothing you could have done when the war ended." He said, his breathing harsh. His chest was clenching with pain just by the mere mentioning of that dark, cold, and awful prison. His heart was pounding faster and he had to stop his hand from trembling.

"I'm sorry." Duo whispered again, pulling away from Heero. He settled back into his chair, leaning on it heavily. Sighing, he bowed his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry..."

They drew apart, distancing themselves from the other, and sinking into a heavy silence. Heero couldn't tear his eyes off Duo's slumped and defeated form. His heart ached for him. He felt bad for bursting the way he did. Duo didn't deserve it.

"Duo," he began quietly. Duo looked up, carefully raising his head. Heero somehow managed to offer a small, nervous, smile.

"I've missed you." He confessed, his eyes looking brightly at the braided man. "And I don't hold any grudges against you." He added softly.

Duo smiled warmly, his eyes shining in gratitude. "Thanks, Heero. I missed you too." He chuckled, mirthfully this time, looking at Heero with a shining pair of eyes. Heero couldn't help but to smile back. The two began talking freely; they had a lot of catching up to do.

.....

That night when Heero returned from work he was ecstatic. He went straight to Nora's place and knocked on the door. Without waiting for an answer, he let himself in - as he usually did – a smile on his face as he searched for the woman. He couldn't wait to tell her about his unexpected reunion.

His smile quickly faded when he entered the kitchen, and found Nora sitting there, the shabby picture in front of her. She was leaning back in her chair, her shoulders slumped and her back curled in tired defeat. Her fingers were touching the photo, her dead blue eyes gazing ahead as if able to see it.

Heero halted, his body frozen. He swallowed hard, his heart beating faster. Suddenly, he was afraid of entering the kitchen.

"Where did you find it?" Nora's solemn, quiet voice spoke up, carrying waves of sorrow and guilt within it.

Heero inhaled deeply and bowed his head in shame. "I was cleaning the bookshelf..." He explained quietly, shamefully.

"I see..." Nora mumbled, her voice numb. Heero berated himself for leaving the book in the kitchen and completely forgetting about it. He had only caused her more pain.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, coming to stand by her side. "Nora, I'm sorry."

A heavy silence fell. Heero closed his eyes sadly, feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered again, his heart beating painfully. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Nora was terribly silent. Her head was bowed as she gazed blindly at the photograph, her long fingers resting on it heavily. There were tears welling in her eyes, a few fat droplets falling upon old picture. She slowly reached to caress a photograph that was full of long forgotten smiles.

"God, I wish I could see it..." She whispered sadly, making Heero's heart sink with pain. He watched her slim fingers caress the family photo. "I nearly forgot how they looked like..."

Heero nodded slowly in understanding. The images of his own past were also dim and unclear. He had forgotten them a long time ago. The memories he possessed were merely shadows of a past long gone.

"You never told me that you lived in the Colonies." He finally dared to speak; drawing a chair to seat by her side. He laid a hesitant hand on her shoulder. "Would you like to speak about it? It's not much... but I can listen."

Nora sighed heavily. "I just wanted to forget..." She mumbled, her fingers finding the photo of her baby boy, even without the aid of her eyes. She caressed the photo gently, sadly, her glazed eyes glittering with tears. "It was a long time ago..."

"This is before you went blind?" Heero asked, carefully moving closer to her. He wanted her so badly to open up and speak about it, the way she allowed him to do when he needed someone to listen.

Nora let out a small chuckle/whimper, shaking her head. More tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

"I was a stupid girl," she began with a quivering voice, "I was so wrapped in my happiness after I had gotten married, that I insisted on giving natural birth to my son." She sighed sadly, closing her eyes. "As you may know, it was not the safest thing to do back then."

Heero nodded in understanding. "Many women died of labor complications." [i]

Nora sniffled. "Yeah. I was lucky to stay alive, but the pregnancy had cost me my eyesight. It began fading gradually as the pregnancy progressed. By the time my baby was born I could barely see." She paused, taking a shaky breath. "I got to have one single look into his eyes before I became completely blind."

By now she was crying, her voice irregular as she spoke. She placed a hand over her mouth, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as she cried: "He had such beautiful blue eyes..."

Heero didn't know what to do, what to say, so he simply hugged her. He leaned closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He pulled her into a small embrace, guiding her head to lean on his shoulder.

"He was such a sweet boy..." Nora mumbled into his neck. "He was so smart and independent. He had to help me around the house, because I couldn't see what I was doing. He was so bright, he learned everything so fast... I couldn't teach him, Heero. I couldn't teach him about colors and shapes... I didn't see anything! When he asked me about things I couldn't answer. I just couldn't!" She cried harder, burying her face in Heero's chest.

Heero held her until she calmed a little bit. He kept silent, knowing from experience that she needed to let it all out.

Nora sniffled, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "But he learned... he learned from his father and he learned from the television... My husband... he spent every spare minute he had with him. I was still adjusting to my blindness, so Hayashi had to compensate for everything I couldn't do for our son... They loved each other so much..."

She suddenly broke in a small chuckle, remembering something from long ago. "Hayashi, my husband, he... he worked at the L1 embassy. It drove Hikari crazy when his father went to work. He did anything in his power to try and keep his father home. He cried and he screamed and he clung to him desperately, trying to make him stay. But Hayashi... he was very devoted to his work. He... he had to work late, and it broke my son's heart." She took a moment to breathe, wiping away her tears. Heero continued holding her, always silent, his eyes tearful as well.

"One day Hikari made it practically impossible for my husband to leave. He insisted that he should stay home, claiming that he shouldn't go to work. 'It will be bad', he cried over and over." A choked sob escaped her and she had to take a moment to adjust her breathing. "He was crying hysterically and begging Hayashi not to leave. My husband was late to a very important meeting that day, he had to leave. Since Hikari didn't let him go, he offered to take him to work with him. He promised him a fun day at daddy's work. Hikari was ecstatic." She sighed, her breath faltering. Heero held her tighter, feeling her whole body tense. He could see how hard it was for her to speak of this.

Nora smiled sadly and continued talking. "I remember packing their lunch that day... I was learning how to cook Japanese food for Hayashi, because his mother passed away and he missed her cooking. I made them a small Japanese lunch and waved them goodbye as they left."

She paused, taking a deep breath. Heero felt her tremble in his arms. He held her tighter and waited silently for her to continue.

"There was a terrorist attack on the embassy that day. It was blown up in an assassination attempt. There were... there were no survivors." Nora's sobs grew harsher. She buried her face in his chest, weeping mournfully. Heero swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, his eyes stinging with tears.

"He was only three years old..." Nora cried, shaking her head in denial. "He was such a good little boy! He had his whole life ahead of him! He was so smart, and sweet, and kind... There was nothing left of him. Nothing... When they called me to identify the bodies, all I could do was run my fingers over them. They were so... disfigured... I could barely recognize them. My baby boy... there was nothing left to recognize..."

The sobs returned and shook her body. She clung to Heero desperately, clutching his shirt in her hand as she cried. Two silver trials of tears slid quietly down Heero's cheeks, slowly falling onto Nora's hair. He took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry as well, and leaned his head on top of Nora's. He closed his eyes tight and drew her closer, hugging her so hard until he was sure it hurt.

Images flashed quickly through his mind. Again that building, behind the park. Blue dress. Long hair. Soft fingers.

His tears grew bolder, overwhelming him. He let out a choked whimper and buried his face deep in her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Nora..." He cried, his voice trembling with pain. "I'm so sorry I made you talk about this... I'm so sorry... about what happened..." He whispered hoarsely, desperate to make the pain go away. His eyes were closed tight as he tried to block the ghostly memories that suddenly flooded him. Pain. Fear. Blackness. War. Loss. A big explosion. "I'm sorry..."

They remained locked in a desperate embrace, holding each other tight. They refused to let go, afraid that the other might disappear the moment they will separate. Heero's shirt was soaked with Nora's bitter tears, his own features also damp with the salty liquid. She refused to let go of him even when her sobs calmed. She held onto him like a frightened child. Her blind blue eyes were wide open, glazed over with tears. They seemed to be looking far ahead at nothing. She took comfort from the feeling of Heero's strong, warm, arms around her. Closing her eyes, she silently confessed that she loved him so very much...

After a few moments more, they drew apart. Nora slowly detached herself from his embrace, sniffling and wiping away the last of her tears. She turned to face him, her lips trembling. Heero sat still, looking at her calmly. He didn't pull away when she reached two trembling hands towards him. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply when her fingers touched him, tracing his face gently. Her fingers were cool and smooth, hesitant and timid. She trailed them carefully over his face, feeling his features. She closed her eyes as well, trying to create an image of him by what her finger sensed.

Heero inhaled shakily, letting her fingers explore his face. He stiffened a little, a natural instinct when someone was too close, but forced himself to relax. He felt her trace his nose, his lips, and his jaw. She moved up to feel his cheeks, brushing over his closed eyes. She ran her fingers through his messy bangs, tousling them a little before moving down the sides of his head to his temples, his ears, and down to his chin. He swallowed, his heart pounding strongly in his chest. Again those images. A green park. A cozy home. Long hair. Blue dress. A caress.

Nora's fingers slowly withdrew. He opened his eyes and looked down at her silently. Her blind eyes were directed at him. She was smiling sadly.

"You're very handsome." She whispered, her voice faltering from her previous tears. "You're a wonderful young man, Heero." She continued, petting his cheek gently. "You're everything I wished Hikari could be." She admitted silently, her cheeks blushing red. Her smile widened as she realized that his cheeks were also warm. He was also blushing.

"You're going to make someone very happy one day." She assured him with a smile, tapping on his head lightly. She could sense his smile and ruffled his hair in return. "The one who'll win your heart will be so lucky..."

"Please, Nora, you're embarrassing me." Heero mumbled, some cheerfulness returning to his voice. He took a long breath before looking up at her. Her pale features still showed traces of tears, and she seemed about ten years older. His heart filled with compassion towards her. He felt like he hadn't done enough for her yet. He wanted to make her happy.

"I'll make you some tea." He said and hurried to get up.

Nora slumped back against the chair, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. She listened to the soft sounds that filled the kitchen, accompanied by the warm feeling of Heero's presence. Taking a deep breath, she raised the photo to her chest and hugged it tightly. Leaning her head back, her eyes closed, she took a moment to just. . . breathe. Her heart felt a million times lighter.

.....

"Are you heading home, Heero?" Duo asked as the two walked down the halls of Harcourt Brace University. Walking by his side, a small backpack hanging loosely over his shoulder, Heero nodded.

"Yes. I finished my classes for today." He turned to look at the young man by his side, looking up a little for Duo had grown a bit taller than him. "How about you?"

Duo sighed tiredly, turning to look out the large color-glass windows that decorated the hallway. It was already dark outside.

"I have two more classes to go, man. Dr. Hendrix has us slaving day and night." He muttered, waving a small hello to a couple of students walking by. They waved back at the two of them, and Heero nodded a small hello as well. They kept walking

"I'm sorry, Heero, but I guess I'll have to cancel that dinner again." Duo apologized with a sigh.

"Don't worry about it." Heero assured him, noting Duo's bitter tone. "Nora will understand. It's only the _third_ time you've canceled." He turned to him with a smirk.

Duo chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I know. And you like making me feel guilty about it." He turned to Heero with a bright smile.

"It's because I want you to meet her. It's important to me." Heero explained, turning his head away sheepishly.

"I know." Duo said, reaching his hand for Heero's. He held his hand gently and gave it a light squeeze. "And I promise that the minute I'll have time, I'll come over."

Though he felt like sighing, Heero couldn't help but smile at the longhaired man. "I understand." He said, squeezing back. The two stopped in front of Duo's biology class.

"Well, this is it." Duo said casually, flipping a few bangs out of his eyes. He turned to look at Heero with a smile. "You're heading home, right?"

Heero nodded. "Aa. I have some lessons to catch up with." He said. "I will see you tomorrow."

Duo nodded and gave him a friendly pat on the back. "Don't abuse the coffee pot too much, man!" He joked, waving a goodbye as he walked into the classroom.

Heero watched his swinging braid disappear behind the doorway, his eyes shining. "Baka." He snorted softly, and turned to leave.

It's been two months since he and Duo ran into each other at the diner. Since then there was only more warmth in Heero's world. Not only did Nora's smile return, but he had also gained another reason to smile.

The fateful meeting with Duo brought only more warmth into his heart. He won his best friend back, a link to his past and a certain hope for his future. The two didn't separate since the meeting at the diner. It was the hand of chance that brought them back together, and they were clever enough to make the most of it. It was one thing to make friends and socialize with new people, but it was even a greater thing to have an old friend back into your life. Heero was delighted to have Duo back in his life. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed the company of the cheerful and optimistic young man. How much he enjoyed his serious side too, the mature man behind the joker mask. He had missed having his bright and passionate spirit in his life. Duo made everything in the world look better. Everything was easier to bear, just like it was during the war.

He found himself thinking of Duo often. It was odd because he didn't give Duo much thought in the past. He was too busy being depressed or trying to get a certain hold of life, that he didn't have the time to stop and think about him. It's not like he had a particular reason to be thinking of Duo. At least, he didn't think he should have such reason. He was confused, because the more time he spent with Duo, the more time he spent thinking about him. He found it hard to concentrate on his studying. His mind tended to wander on his own, daydreaming when he should be learning.

He replayed events in his head, old memories from the war and new precious memories from recent times. All of them had to do with Duo. He recalled all those times Duo and he shared a dorm room in various boarding schools. How he got mad at Duo for simply being there and distracting him all the time. Then he recalled how much he missed the constant chatter and casual contact when Duo was gone. How he had gotten used to the boy placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning over him or simply sitting by his side.

During the war Duo filled a certain void in him. He was able to reach where others could not. He managed to get the attention of the boy behind the soldier. He did it so simply and easily, without trying. It was just so easy to get used to him, to be with him. Even when he didn't know how to respond to these feelings, to the urge to be with Duo and hear what he has to say about any trivial thing, he knew that he wanted to be near him. He felt alive when Duo was around, simply because Duo's personality was larger than life itself. He was alive for both of them, and Heero enjoyed life through what Duo said or did. He was his anchor to life and the only real friend he ever had.

When the wars ended, that anchor was cut off and released. They went their separate ways. Heero sunk deep into the ocean as Duo sailed away into the sunset. Alone underwater, lost in freezing darkness, Heero slowly forgot of ever feeling the warmth of the sun, the light that Duo radiated. He learned to slowly climb to surface by himself, emerging out of the water and gulping for air. Nora was the one who reached her hand to help and keep him from drowning. She took him onboard her ship, and for that he was grateful. He loved her for everything she did for him, for letting him feel the sun again. Trying to move on with his life, Heero slowly forgot about Duo.

His heart was flooded with nameless feelings now that Duo was back in his life, like a dry well slowly filling with water. Every time that Duo laughed, each time he took his hand or made a silly joke while they should have been studying, Heero's heart faltered. It was a different feeling from the one he got during the war. Between fighting, all he sought was a friend and a shoulder to lean on. Now that he had that in life, his feelings towards Duo were taking a different shade. He found himself seeking other things, beyond friendship. He didn't know how to define these feelings, he didn't know their name or their meaning, but he knew that they made his heart beat faster each time they flooded him. He felt ten times greater when Duo was near. He felt bigger from the inside, as though he's about to burst. The heat inside him was sometimes unbearable. He wished he knew what to do about it, because sometimes it didn't even let him sleep at night.

Duo occupied his every thought, his every heartbeat.

Sometimes, lying awake in his bed in the middle of the night, Heero smiled at a small and silly thought. Sometimes he smiled because he thought he was in love with Duo. It was a stupid thing to presume. He could never be sure if it was love that he was feeling, but the thought made him smile nonetheless. Instead of dreaming about blood and death, instead of having psychotic visions of being stalked or tortured, he would fantasize of what it could be like... what would life be like if he was with Duo. When he did fall asleep, it would be peacefully and with ease. A smile graced his face more often.

After a few weeks of being reunited with his best friend, Heero began to notice another strange feeling. There was tension in the air. Sizzling and intense like electricity. At first he thought he was imagining it, but the feeling proved to be more real than anything he could have imagined. There was a certain tension between them, in every look, in every "accidental" or casual contact between them. Something was going on, something cooking in the air around them, and he had no idea what. There were long stares, hidden glances and a small brush of a hand over his skin even when it was unneeded. He found himself moving his chair closer to Duo's when they sat together in the library. He would get edgy and even cranky if they were unable to meet for some reason. He missed Duo when they separated. He could also see the relief on Duo's face when they finally did meet, like he had been yearning for it too.

He once spoke of these feelings with Nora, asking her for advice. They were sitting in her apartment with their regular afternoon tea, and Heero blushed as he spoke of these feelings. He felt embarrassed talking about them, but he needed to hear what she had to say about it. Much to his disappointment, Nora just smiled knowingly and sipped her tea. She promised him that all will be fine in time, and just kept smiling. He knew that she wasn't mocking him, but it drove him crazy because he knew that there was something that she wasn't telling him. That day he found it particularly hard to concentrate on his assignments.

He had been facing this difficulty all week long, being unable to focus on his studying, so he decided to take a break from the world and find sanctuary in the library. He called Nora and told her that he will not be coming over for dinner that night. Duo was still in class, as he would be until later that evening, so Heero determined that it was a good opportunity to get some work done. He couldn't afford any more nightly excursions to some movie or pub. He had finales coming up!

It was half past nine PM and the library was rather empty. Harcourt Brace Library was a grand and luxurious hall. Its tall dome-shaped ceiling stood high and proud above the structure, overlooking the maze of shelves. Tall shelves were attached to every wall, packed with a colorful display of books. Between every few shelves there was a small spiral staircase or a ladder. Inside the large structure was a forest of bookshelves. They towered over the red carpet that covered the whole floor, arranged in tidy rows and columns. The selection of books was unheard of, there were so many books that one could spend a lifetime inside the library and still not have read them all. Between every section of bookshelves was a quiet corner for the students to sit down and study. Heavy wooden tables and comfortable chairs were stationed for the students. The polished wood shone under the warm orange light the illuminated the library. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, comfortable to sit down and read. A heavy silence ruled the library, but it was a pleasant and calming kind of silence. The kind that allowed you to relax and learn.

Heero was sitting quietly by one of the bulky wooden tables, about three open books in front of him and two more thick books sitting in a pile on the table. He had his yellow notepad in front of him, three pencils, an eraser and a sharpener. He was sitting by the Social Sciences section, buried in his psychology assignments. Each polished table had a small desk-lamp on it, providing a soft orange light for the reader. The warm ginger light washed over Heero's features, creating soft shadows on his concentrated face. His blue eyes were focused on the text he was reading, his lips a thin line as he tried to absorb what he was reading.

His mind insisted to keep wandering all the time, reminding him of the good time Duo and he had at the local theme park that weekend. Each time he recalled the roller-coaster ride, the way Duo's hair flapped wildly in the wind as the coaster cut through the air, he had to shake his head and re-read the paragraph. It was taking him too much time to read a single chapter. As if to tease him, his mind reminded him of how they both got soaking wet in the water-slide ride, and Duo's white shirt suddenly became transparent and extremely tight around his torso. He had such a taut, muscular torso...

Heero snorted and rolled his eyes. He was hopeless, God damn him. He was shameless AND hopeless! He couldn't make it through one page without thinking about Duo. He will never pass the finales if he'll keep this up.

Taking a deep breath, Heero cleared his mind and turned the page. A new chapter, a fresh start. He was going to read this one without a SINGLE distracting thought, or his name isn't Heero Yuy!

With that determination Heero stretched in his chair, leaned back towards the book and began reading:

"Chapter 10: Basic Drives and Motives. Part 4- SEX."

Heero groaned and rolled his eyes. Just his rotten luck. And he thought that the previous part- HUNGER – was bad enough...

Sighing, he started reading.

"Sex, another powerful motivator, differs in many respects from hunger." [ii]

_You can say that again_, Heero thought sarcastically.

"Unlike food, sex is not vital to the survival of the organism, but it is essential to the survival of the species..."

Maybe it was the topic, or maybe his sense of determination, but soon enough Heero was absorbed in the book. He read it without any diversions, reading swiftly through "Biological basis of sexual behavior" to "The role of experience", "Sexual fantasies" and "Sexual development", until he made a full stop at the next section- "Homosexuality".

There he halted, taking a moment to breathe. He drew away from the book, as if distancing himself from the inconvenience would somehow help. It didn't. He found himself staring at the title, feeling guilty of even being alive.

"Heya, partner." A soft voice came to his ears, breaking the murky glass that suddenly surrounded his mind. Heero blinked and looked up. He smiled when he saw Duo standing by his chair, chewing gum. He was wearing a dark blue sweater with a white turtleneck shirt, and a ragged backpack over his shoulder. A few of his bangs were curling at the side of his face, imitating each movement of his head. He smiled warmly at Heero, resting his hand on the back of Heero's chair.

"Surprise." He said with a wink, still chewing his gum. His eyes quickly ran up and down Heero's figure, and a warm smile spread on his features as he noted the first two buttons of Heero's white shirt were open, revealing a hint of his well-toned chest. He brought his gaze back to meet Heero's eyes, his gaze making another small detour to survey how the light reflected off Heero's messy chocolate bangs.

"What are you doing here?" Heero asked, following Duo with his gaze as the boy took a seat across of him, at the other side of the table. He threw his backpack to the floor and shrugged.

"My last class got canceled. Dr. Hendrix is sick or something." He replied casually, bending down to draw some books out of his bag.

"How did you know I'd be at the library? I told you I was going home." Heero asked with a frown.

Placing his books on the table, Duo turned to face him with a knowing smile. "I took a gamble."

Heero smiled in return, feeling a little better than he had a moment ago. If Duo was here, he didn't have to feel so bad about the damn book. He didn't know why he felt so guilty in the first place. He took a few moments to watch Duo as he arranged his books and his notebook, taking the time to appreciate the way the dim orange light touched Duo's hair. The lush chestnut strings shone under the light as Duo casually ran a hand through his bangs, pushing them backward. He was already leaning over a thick book, absorbed in reading it. There was a focused and serious expression on his face. He was chewing his gum slower, concentrating on every word.

Heero smiled affectionately and returned to his own book. There was a pleasant silence between them as both young men studied.

"Until recently, homosexuality was considered a "mental illness" or an abnormal perversion. Although many people still view homosexuality as un-natural, most psychologists and psychiatrists consider it to be a variant rather than a perversion of sexual expression and not, in itself, an indication or cause of mental illness."

Sighing, Heero slowly looked up from the page, letting his eyes wander from written words to the sight of Duo leaning over his book and studying. His eyes lingered to the sight of Duo's slightly parted lips, which moved silently as he read. He smiled lovingly as he turned to look at Duo's nose. He didn't know why he was smiling, he just did. Duo noticed none of that, being so engrossed in his book. Inhaling deeply, he forced himself to return to his own textbook.

"Much remains to be learned about the causes of homosexuality. No reliable physical differences have been found that distinguish homosexuals from heterosexuals. Although some male homosexuals may be quite feminine." Heero frowned. "And some female homosexuals may be quite masculine in appearance, this is often not the case. There is some indication that male homosexuals have lower levels of the hormone testosterone than heterosexual males, but there is no evidence that this is the cause for homosexuality. When male homosexuals are given additional hormones, their sex drive increases (also true for heterosexual men) but their sexual preferences do not change."

Heero snickered. Then all they got from THAT study is a bunch of horny guys ready to fuck like there's no tomorrow...

"Is something funny?" Duo asked, raising his head up in question.

Heero hurried to swallow a smile. He shook his head. "No. Just a typo."

Duo frowned. "Really? You should change the book... I wouldn't trust a textbook with typos..." He smiled and returned to his book.

Heero took another moment to just stare at Duo's hands, those strong-looking, callous yet so gentle hands, before lowering his gaze to the text.

"Storms (1981) has proposed that erotic orientation results from an interaction during early adolescence between sex-drive development and social development. According to this theory, an unusually early onset of the sex drive contributes to homosexuality, because the individual's environment at the time is primarily homosocial (meaning males socialize with males and females with females). Storms' theory proposes that sexual preferences in adulthood depend on the social environment that is present when the individual's sex drive comes into full force during adolescence. If the environment is primarily homosocial, the adult's sexual preference will tend to be homosexual; if heterosexual, the adult's sexual preference will tend to be heterosexual."

His breathing faltered for a second, and he had to stop reading. He closed his eyes slowly, trying to block a few dark memories from entering his mind. All of his sexual experiences until now, and especially when he was growing up, were homosexual. But they were not done by choice, they were forced upon him. And true, he did walk in a homosocial environment for most of his life, but did that really mean that he was a homosexual? Could that be a reason or an explanation for his feelings? Is that why he was looking at Duo the way he just did? Because he had been forced to have sex and also spend his whole life among other males? If that is the case, then his feelings for Duo were impure and unworthy as everything else in his life. They were born in a dark and shameful place, and thus they were not meant to be.

Saddened by the thought, Heero's heart began beating painfully. Maybe all he was feeling right now was just another psychological complex, another scar the war and training had carved upon him. He didn't want it to be true!

Dejected, he kept reading.

"Results from a major study on homosexuality indicates that a strong continuity between a person's childhood and adolescent sexual feelings and his or her adult sexual preference. Contrary to the popular notion that parents are somehow responsible for their children's homosexuality, the study reveals that parental influence was not a major factor in determining sexual preference. Sexual preference appears to depend on a complex pattern of feelings and reactions within the child that are not yet understood and cannot be traced to a single social or psychological cause."

Heero sighed, feeling confused. So basically what the book said was- that it doesn't matter. Why was he listening to this stupid book?! Who cares for the cause, it's the outcome that counts. And the outcome, in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, is two people that love each other. What's so wrong with that?

He looked up at the beautiful man sitting in front of him, washed by a warm light, looking more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen. Suddenly, he understood why Nora was smiling at him in that knowing way. It really didn't matter, did it? He saw no point in continuing to read this book. Textbooks will tell him nothing about how or why he feels. They might give him a certain direction, throw him a bone or something, but they didn't really know for sure. No one did. And it didn't matter. Why try to understand when you could _feel_?

Satisfied with his conclusion, Heero slammed the book shut. When Duo looked up in surprise, Heero smiled at him.

"I'll be right back." He promised, getting up. He took the book with him and headed towards one of the bookshelves.

Duo watched him until he disappeared between one of the aisles. His amused amethyst eyes were glued to Heero's jeans clad bottom the whole time, watching him as he walked. He shook his head at his own hopelessness and returned to the book. A minute later he slammed his own book shut and got up. He hurried to walk after Heero.

He found the Japanese boy in the aisle categorized under "Psychology". He was standing on a small and wobbly three-steps-ladder, trying to reach one of the books on the high shelves. Duo couldn't help but smile affectionately at the sight. Heero resembled a small child trying to reach the chocolate candy boxes at the top shelf in the supermarket. There were only five inches between his seeking hand and the book, but the short distance was enough to prevent him from reaching the book. He found the sight adorable when Heero carefully tried to stand on his tiptoes and reach higher. The ladder began swaying beneath Heero's feet, stirring worry in Duo's heart.

"Here, let me help ya out." He said, gaining Heero's attention. The other boy immediately gasped and whirled around. His cheeks colored in red and a sheepish smile graced his lips.

"Thanks." He said quietly and carefully stepped down.

"No problem." Duo assured him, brushing past him, shoulder to shoulder, as he walked to the ladder.

Heero watched him as he climbed up, and he had to smirk when he realized that Duo, who was indeed taller than him by a few inches, still had to stand on his tiptoes in order to reach the book. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched him, enjoying the sight of his long braid swinging back and forth as Duo wiggled on the ladder.

"Damn, it's higher than I thought." Duo muttered, and then jumped up a little in order to snatch the book. He caught it quickly between his fingers, just before his descend. The ladder shook and waddled wildly when Duo landed on it. Heero's eyes widened in concern.

"Duo- look out!" He called when the ladder finally tipped over. He wasted no time and launched towards Duo, trying to catch him.

They ended up crashing on the red carpet, Duo on top of Heero, pinning him down to the floor. Duo's legs were straddled over Heero's legs. He placed two arms at each of Heero's side, and pushed himself up a bit so he could look down at Heero's face. They were both panting and a bit disoriented. Their faces were an inch apart, both their lips parted as they breathed heavily. Duo could feel Heero's chest press against his, the boy's arms trapped somewhere under his torso. He swallowed, looking deeply into Heero's eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, panting.

Heero nodded slowly, still in shock. He couldn't tear his eyes off Duo's lips, the way they were carved like some grand statue. Duo's hair was a bit tousled by their fall, long chestnut bangs hiding his face, moving up and down as Duo panted. Heero smiled warmly, his body filling with familiar warmth. He locked his gaze with Duo's, his cobalt eyes looking deeply into the amethyst pearls above him. He could feel Duo's hot breath caress his lips. His cheeks reddened in a rosy shade. He slowly licked his dry lips, tracing his tongue slowly over his bottom lip. Duo swallowed hard, his wide eyes watching Heero with great hesitation.

The tension was in the air again. It was thicker and heavier than before. Something in the air demanded that certain actions must be taken. Every sensation was enhanced by tenfold. The air sizzled and crackled like electricity. The sound of their heavy breathing overcame everything else. The feeling of their heartbeats, strong and wild, was nearly overwhelming.

Heero could tell that Duo was feeling the same tension he felt; he could feel it in Duo's whole body. He could also see the uncertainty in Duo's eyes. His fear reflected somewhere within the darker shades of his pupils. That dark OZ prison cell reflect inside the shadowy center of Duo's eyes. Duo remembered, and so did he. But unlike Duo, he wasn't going to let it stop him.

With a smile that spread gracefully on his lips, Heero pushed himself up and pressed his lips to Duo's. He swallowed the surprised gasp that escaped Duo's lips and sealed the sweet mouth with his own. His eyes were still open, looking straight into Duo's eyes. It was the closest he's ever been to the purple jewels, and only now he could appreciate them for their true beauty.

Duo's eyelashes slowly fluttered, until he closed his eyes. This was all the approval Heero needed, and he closed his eyes as well. The kiss deepened as Duo pressed closer to Heero, taking charge of the kiss. He leaned heavily onto Heero, his arms moving up to bury his fingers in Heero's thick hair. His tongue sneaked out to lick Heero's bottom lip. He nibbled at the lush lip for a moment before Heero opened his mouth and let him in. He dipped his tongue into the warm and moist mouth, his breath quickening in anticipation. Beneath him, Heero wiggled his hands from underneath Duo's body and brought them up. He embraced Duo tightly, letting him explore his mouth and lick every nook and cranny. His own tongue, shy and hesitant, joined the dance, and their kiss only intensified.

When they parted for air, they were both panting hard and blushing. Duo's cheeks were a bright red and so were Heero's. He smiled down at the blue-eyed boy, and leaned down to kiss his nose.

"How did you know I'd kiss you back?" He asked softly, looking at Heero with kind and loving eyes.

Heero smiled, his blue eyes shining. "I took a gamble." He said, before Duo dove down for another kiss. The two rolled over on the red carpet, kissing passionately. Drowning in the intensity of the kiss, Heero decided that there was only one reason for homosexuality, and that was love.

* * *

* * *

[i] According to Quatre's chapter in the Episode Zero manga, it was illegal to have children except of test-tubes babies up until AC 100 because it was dangerous to women (the space environment caused many complications in the reproduction system). It also mentions that even though the problem was eventually solved, some women still experienced abnormalities in their pregnancy, hence it was a risk to have a child in a normal, natural, way.

[ii] This quote and all of the following quotes mentioned here are taken from: Introduction to Psychology, Eighth Edition. By Rita L. Atkinson, Richard C. Atkinson (University of California, San-Diego) and Ernest R. Hilgard (Stanford University). Published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich INC. 1981. **-- The book is old, so take in mind that there were probably a LOT of new studies conducted since then. Psychology is not an accurate science. Theories are renewed all the time.**


	4. part 4

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DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: 

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

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**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART FOUR**

.....

It was strange how he sometimes lost his own identity in a dream. Sometimes, when Heero dreamed, he got lost inside someone, inside something. He was aware of himself, of his own being, and yet he knew that he was someone else. In the dream world, when he was himself and at the same time he was someone else, he occasionally got confused. At times, he forgot who he was.

Lost in a dream, Heero knew that he was someone else. He wasn't sure if he was himself, and he wasn't sure if he was who he thought he was, but yet he knew _excatly_ who he was. For one confusing moment, he was sure of his own being, certain of his existence, and the next moment he was lost inside someone else. Someone simple, innocent and pure. His sense of self became one with the other being. He wasn't sure why, where, who and how he was. The only answer his dreaming mind supplied him with was that he was Hikari. A three-year-old boy, with little chubby legs, and small palms, holding his daddy's hand as they walked together into a tall building.

A certain part of his mind, maybe logic or consciousness, hinted that it was all an illusion. A dream caused by the picture he had seen at Nora's place. He didn't care if it was real or not, he was hardly aware of himself to care for anything. All he knew was that his daddy's hand felt warm and strong, and his little heart filled with pride as they walked together into daddy's work place.

His daddy was tall. When he looked up at him, it was like looking up at the skies. His black hair bounced up and down as he walked. He liked his hair cuz it was fun to play with. It was always so messy, and you could do funny things to it. His daddy looked down and smiled at him. Hikari smiled back.

Everything in the building looked big and clean. Even the flowerpots were big, and the red armchairs were fun to bounce on. Daddy said he shouldn't, but he did anyway. He laughed as daddy picked him up in the air and carried him to the Big Room. The Big Room was where daddy worked and it was really cool because it had a lot of room to run and play. There was even a big sofa to jump on!

For a moment Heero noted that the large panorama window at the office overlooked the whole colony. Shiny silver buildings glittered under the colony light, green trees and avenues decorating the space-settlement. But then he forgot about being so observant, about caring for such details, and he was a little boy again, simply enjoying messing with the shiny things on daddy's desk. Sitting on top of the large desk, he drew daddy a picture with the black pen that left a lot of stains on his shirt. Daddy laughed and ruffled his hair. He was happy.

In a flash, that happiness was gone.

There was a loud sound, a big BOOM! and then everything went dark. The world shook and rattled, collapsing at his feet. Daddy jumped out of nowhere, launching at him and snatching him off the table. In an instant, he was held securely in daddy's arms. The floor was gone and they fell. He could taste dust in his mouth. He was scared, so he began crying.

Daddy's hands held him tight. Hot wind rushed by them as they fell. He could see fire, and dust, and smoke. He cried, screaming hysterically as the world continued to shudder. Daddy held him close, and they were still falling. It was only for a second, such a quick descend, and yet he could see so much during that time. He wanted mommy to be here. He missed her. He remembered his home. His bed. The green trees in the park. He forgot to wear his favorite blue sweater today. He didn't feed the worms he kept in a jar. Will they die?

Something broke with a loud CRACK! when they crashed to the floor. Daddy screamed, and then there was silence. Everything hurt. Daddy was still holding him tight, squashing him. There was smoke everywhere, he couldn't see.

'Daddy! Daddy!' He called but daddy was lying on him and he was very heavy and he wasn't even moving. Rocks fell from the ceiling. There was a lot of blood on daddy's face.

'Daddy!!!!!!' He screamed, crying. He used his little hands push daddy away; it was hard to breathe because daddy was so big and heavy. He was squashing him. Daddy was still holding him tight, his arms all around him, holding the back of his head, protecting him. Daddy was too heavy to move. He cried because his chest hurt real bad and there was a yucky metallic taste in his mouth.

More rocks fell from the ceiling. They landed on daddy's back and squashed him even more. Daddy didn't cry, he was sleeping and the blood kept his eyes shut. He felt hot because the fire was so close. He was so scared and mommy wasn't there to help him!

Another rock fell from the ceiling. He saw it come closer and closer until it hit his head.

Then there was darkness. Everything was quiet. He didn't remember being Hikari anymore.

Heero was overwhelmed with fear. He was half aware of the fact that he was crying. His head hurt like it was actually hit by something sharp. Dream images swirled and whirled around him. All of the debris, the blood, and the smoke. They whirled around him like a crazed twister. He began fighting them off, pushing them away as he cried and screamed.

He was trashing wildly in his bed. Duo's strong arms were around him as he whispered softly in his ear.

"Shhh... Hee-chan... shhh... It's just a dream... It's all right... everything is all right..."

Dazed and confused, Heero slowly opened his eyes. Glazed cobalt orbs blinked in the dark, trying to come back to focus. He was panting harshly, his whole body trembling. He felt Duo gather him into his arms, and he rested his aching head on Duo's chest. He took a slow breath and closed his eyes. His heart pounded strongly in his chest and a nasty headache was drilling into his skull. He sighed tiredly and curled closer to Duo.

The two lay quietly on Heero's sofa/bed, together under a soft quilt. The hour was late and only darkness could be seen outside the window. A strong orange light of a portable heater lighted the small apartment. The intense ginger light made the entire apartment glow with warmth, washing everything with a golden hue.

Despite the pleasant heat surrounding the apartment, Heero was still shivering. He lay close to Duo, holding him like a lifeline, trying to shake off the effects of the nightmare. Duo was lying on his back, slightly tilted to the side, his arms resting securely around Heero. His naked torso was washed by the golden light of the heater, his hair messy from sleep. His worried amethyst eyes shimmered under the orange light, looking down at Heero with deep concern. He reached to pet his boyfriend's hair, his other hand gently rubbing Heero's smooth back.

The blue-eyed boy lay still beside Duo, his head resting on Duo's chest. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, concentrating on the feeling of Duo's tender fingers in his hair, and the soothing movement of his palm on his naked back. After a long while of silence, he felt Duo's chest falter as he took a deep breath. He could feel the hesitation in the air, before Duo slowly spoke.

"Are you all right?" He asked slowly, as if speaking to a child.

"I think I hit my head..." Heero mumbled against Duo's chest, his voice numb.

"What? When? Where?" Duo blurted in a hurry, checking Heero for injuries.

The boy sighed tiredly, and slumped against Duo's body. "Maybe that's why... I'm not sure... I think..." He murmured in confusion, his voice distant, like he was still dreaming. He was looking ahead with dull eyes, the blue orbs glazed over with shock.

"Heero, what are you talking about? What happened?" Duo asked anxiously, his heart beating faster. "Are you all right?"

Heero didn't answer. He reached a hand from underneath the covers, and slowly brought it to his head. He felt around his temples, his slim fingers digging into his thick hair, feeling around as well. He drew his fingers from his hair, looking at them as if expecting to see blood.

Duo looked at him in confusion. "Heero, what's wrong? What happened?"

Sighing heavily, Heero let his hand fall down limply. He laid it on Duo's chest and pulled closer to him, snuggling against his warm body.

There was a tense and heavy silence, at which Duo looked anxiously at Heero. His heart was racing, his expression confused.

"Do you remember your name, Duo?" Heero murmured in a tired voice, caressing Duo's chest with the tip of his fingers. He drew small circles over the smooth skin, his eyes looking ahead at nothing. "Do you remember your real name?"

Duo was silent, his expression haunted as he stared at the air before him. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes slowly, as if trying to recall something that was lost to him. "No, I don't." he answered gravely, "I... I don't think I was ever given one."

Heero sighed, the look in his eyes forlorn and miserable. "I think I used to have a name, a long time ago. Maybe I... I think I forgot it..."

More images flickered through his mind, bright ones and dark ones mixing together. The green trees in the park. A big explosion. That man's - his father? No, he can't be. It was just a dream – smile. His mother's blue dress. A big rock, crashing down on him. Darkness. Odin Lowe, who found him and asked him for his name. Where did he find him? It was dark. He didn't remember. He didn't know what to answer when he asked for his name. 'Wakaranai... wakaranai...' he had mumbled. His hands were sticky with blood. Odin carried him away to someplace dark. More images of that building, behind the trees. He missed it. Long hair. Blue dress. Oh, how his head hurt... 'What is your name, boy? Do you understand me? What. Is. Your. _Name_?'

"Wakaranai..." Heero mumbled with a sigh, letting his aching head sink deeper into Duo's chest.

Worried by Heero's behavior, Duo wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He leaned down to kiss the top of his head, his violet eyes shining with concern. "Just go back to sleep, Heero. Shh... just go to sleep..." He whispered soothingly, his voice shaking with emotion. His heart ached for his love, making his eyes moist with tears. Heero sounded so confused and fragile at the moment, that it broke his heart.

"Hold me." Heero asked quietly, his voice heavy with sleep. Closing his eyes, he snuggled closer to Duo and he buried his face in Duo's broad chest. He pulled his hands out of the covers and reached to hug the other man. The sheets rustled as Duo's hands slowly wrapped around him. Heero sighed pleasingly, feeling better already.

Looking down at Heero, Duo noted that the white covers fell aside due to his previous trashing. He reached a hand to pull them up again, being careful not to stir Heero awake. He let them slide over Heero's boxer-clad waist, and like a caress, he pulled them up to his slender shoulders. The boy didn't respond, and Duo assumed that he fell asleep. With a heavy sigh, Duo leaned back into his pillow and sunk into a swamp of grim thoughts.

If only there was a way to ease Heero's pain... he'd do anything to see him smile again. He hated seeing him so upset, haunted by something he couldn't understand. It was painful to see that confused look in Heero's blue eyes. He wanted to make him happy. He was ready to do anything in order to see Heero shine again.

.....

"Oh man..." Duo mumbled nervously, shifting from side to side. "I can't believe you're making me do this." He said, his tone mock-accusing. He was standing by Heero's side, in the main hallway of Nora's floor. He was here to fulfill his promise to Heero, his best friend and recently established boyfriend, to come and meet his counterpart, the other most important person in Heero's life.

"For the life of me I feel like I'm here to ask your mother for your hand in marriage or somet'in..." He muttered, taking a nervous breath and running a hand through his bangs, for the umpteenth time that evening.

"Duo, you're over reacting, don't you think?" Heero replied softly, his tone amused. "She is not my mother and you are not here to ask for anything. We're just going over for dinner. It's important for me that you'll meet her."

"I know... I know..." Duo mumbled, shaking his head at his own silliness. "I just said that it _feels_ like it..." He sighed, turning to look at Heero with eyes shimmering with doubt. "I mean, does she know about... us? Is that... I mean... am I supposed to act different, or maybe, I mean... I dunno..."

"Duo, relax!" Heero said, laughing lightly. Duo smiled sheepishly in return. His smile grew into a warm and loving expression when Heero continued laughing softly. He enjoyed that sound more than anything else in the world. It was a wonder in itself to hear Heero laughing.

"Besides," Heero continued, snickering, "She knew about us even before WE knew about us!"

"I don't follow." Duo muttered with a frown, taking another long breath to calm himself. He swallowed, looking up at Heero with a 'please don't make me do this' look.

Heero smiled warmly and laid a hand over Duo's. "Come on, she doesn't bite."

Sighing, Duo followed Heero to the door. While Heero knocked, Duo took the time to make himself more presentable, arranging the collar of his white shirt, which was under a beige sweater, and running a hand twice and then thrice threw his hair. First impressions are the most crucial, he mused.

He looked up at his boyfriend, and his gaze softened. Heero looked gorgeous no matter what he wore. He could even make a pair of spandex and a tank top look good. And the clothes he was wearing now were a far better eye treat than his old attire. With the tight black jeans he was wearing and the sky-blue shirt that clung to his torso, Duo found it hard to keep his eyes off the beautiful young man. He had to remind himself not to ogle during dinner, or he'll only end up embarrassing himself ever more than he probably would anyway.

Heero knocked again, and then carefully opened the door. He sent Duo a short glance, silently asking if he was ready. When Duo offered a faltering smile in return, Heero smiled back and opened the door.

"Nora? We're here." He said, entering the apartment.

Swallowing hard, Duo carefully walked behind him. He took a moment to scan the small apartment, his eyes taking in the bright wallpaper, the colorful plants that decorated the living room, the cozy living room and the grand dinner table awaiting them. The table was decorated beautifully, with a white table map, fine china plates and shiny silverware. There were two candles burning at the center of the table and a small flower arrangement by their side. A delicious aroma of home cooking was in the air. Duo smiled at the sight. There was a lot of love and effort put into this meal. It made his heart warm.

"Nora?" Heero called again, concern in his voice.

"Just a second!" Nora's voice came from the bedroom. "Make yourself comfortable! I'll be right there!"

Heero turned around to face Duo. He shrugged helplessly and Duo snickered.

"Women." Duo mouthed as a joke, and Heero chuckled.

"I'll be right back." He promised and made his way to the bedroom.

Heero knocked softly at Nora's bedroom door before entering. He stepped carefully into the bedroom, ready to retreat if she told him so. When he didn't hear her protest, he turned away from the door and faced the room. A small and loving smile touched his lips at the sight before him.

A soft orange light illuminated the small bedroom, casting a warm ginger glow on everything. Nora was standing by a small dresser, brushing her hair. She was wearing a modest blue dress that reached down to her ankles. The dress was a beautiful shade of sky-blue, and it hung gracefully over the curves of her body. She was very slender for a woman her age, and the simple yet elegant dress did her body justice. Her long brown hair was unbound, cascading down her back in a wavy waterfall. The light reflected on the lush hairs as she ran the brush through them, making her hair shine even more.

"You look beautiful, Nora." Heero whispered in awe, feeling warm inside. He walked towards her, gently taking the brush from her hand. "Here, let me." He said softly, taking a stand behind her.

Nora smiled sheepishly; bowing her head while her cheeks blushed. "You don't have to say that," she whispered as he slowly began brushing her hair, "I just found this old thing buried in the closet. I was surprised that it still fits."

"Well, it suits you." Heero said, gathering a handful of soft brown hairs and brushing them gently. The room coated with a warm honey-flavored silence as the two stood under the ginger light, Heero brushing Nora's hair lovingly. He ran the brush slowly through the lush waterfall of brown silk, his eyes enjoying the way the light shone on each wave.

When he drew the brush away, he noted that quite a few hairs were tangled around the brush. Frowning, he ignored it and placed the brush on the dresser.

"Would you like me to braid it for you?" He asked quietly, refusing to break the magic of the moment by speaking loudly. He gathered a handful of her lush hair, tenderly running it between his fingers. A few more molting hairs got tangled around his fingers. With a confused frown, he shook them off.

"There's no need. I'd like to wear it down." Nora said, slowly turning around to face him. She smiled, a hint of sadness tugging at the edges of her smile. "Who knows how long I'd be able to show-off my hair like this, right?" She finished with a bitter chuckle.

Heero rolled his eyes. "Don't be silly, Nora. Only men grow bold. If anyone should be worried, it's me." He joked, taking a small step back to stand in front of Nora. He examined her with loving eyes, looking at her from head to toe. An amiable smile spread slowly on his lips, reaching to his eyes and making them shine.

"You really are beautiful, Nora." He whispered, reaching a hand forward to caress her cheek.

Nora smiled in embarrassment and bowed her head, blushing. Her blind blue eyes were shimmering under the orange light that filled the room. Her heart filled with warmth and love for the young man standing before her.

"Thank you, Heero." She whispered back, and then took a deep breath. She looked up at him again, a smile on her lips. She reached to take his hand, holding his warm palm tenderly.

"Now, let's go meet that friend of yours." She said, and the two made their way out of the bedroom.

.....

Heero helped Nora serve the food to the table and Duo praised her for every bite he took. The meal was delicious, as he made sure to inform her every once in a while. He was very polite and well-mannered. She couldn't help but sense that he was feeling awkward, like he had to make a good impression on her. For some odd reason, she felt that he wanted her approval for some reason. She received the same vibe from Heero. There was a sheepish note to their tone, and she could hear/sense (it was never clear to her how she was able to pick up these things) that they were both restricting their movements for some reason. They were feeling uncomfortable to act freely around her. She didn't want it to be this way. She did her best to make them feel comfortable.

Halfway through the meal, the ice melted. She could tell by their voices that they were not restraining themselves anymore. From that point on, dinner was a delightful event. The candles that lit the dinner table burnt brightly, lighting the eyes of the table's occupants with a warm glow. Happy smiles and joyful laughter filled every conversation.

Nora was charmed by Duo's lively personality. She enjoyed the sound of his voice, and she was enchanted by every tale he told. He had a very interesting way to tell things, which made her feel like she had been there too. His laughter was rich and warm, like honey. He scored an even higher score in her book when she noted that he could make Heero smile at each little joke he threw in the air. The sound of both young men laughing filled the small apartment, accompanied by Nora's light giggles. She was unused to the sound of her own laughter. She didn't remember laughing so much in a long, long, while. Duo was a charming young man full of life, laughter and knowledge. She never grew tired of listening to him, or sensing the joy he had brought into Heero's life. She was happy for the two of them, so happy that it brought her to tears in the midst of a fit of laughter.

After they were done eating, they simply remained seated, and spoke for an hour more. There was just so much to talk about; they never ran out of topics for conversation. Duo always had something to say to fill any silence, and once or twice it was even Heero who brought up one topic or another. Nora enjoyed listening to them, even if they sometimes got lost in their own nostalgia and left her out of the conversation for a short walk down Memory Lane. She simply leaned on the table, and listened with a smile. There was so much thrill, enthusiasm and passion in their voices that one couldn't help but enjoy listening to them. It was obvious how close they had gotten during the war, and how much they've been through together.

"That's not true." Heero spoke determinedly, shaking his head as he turned to look at Duo. "It was not _stealing_, it was _borrowing_. I simply borrowed the parts."

Duo rolled his eyes. "You never returned them, so it was _stealing_." His tone was accusing, but his eyes shone with amusement. It was evident that they had this little argument many times in the past, until it became a laughing matter.

Heero shifted his gaze aside for a moment, sheepish. "Uh, well, they got blown up somehow..."

Duo snorted. "Pff! Gee, I wonder how exactly." He muttered and slapped Heero on the back of his head.

"Ouch." Heero called, mock-glaring at his boyfriend. "That hurt, baka."

Nora chuckled, shaking her head. "I'll go make some tea." She stated, slowly getting up.

Heero turned to look at her, feeling a little guilty for leaving her out of the conversation. "Do you need any help?" He asked, ready to get up.

"No, no, you two enjoy yourselves." She hurried to assure him, gesturing at him to sit down as she headed to the kitchen.

Heero made a displeased face and got up anyway. "She's so stubborn sometimes." He muttered as he began to clear the table, gathering the plates. His skilled hands moved quickly to gather the dishes, as he did often at the diner, and soon there was a large pile of plates resting in his arms. He gave the task no consideration, looking up in the direction of the kitchen. Sighing, he shook his head and muttered: "She drives me crazy with her stubbornness."

Duo chuckled, handing Heero an empty salad bowl. "She reminds me of you."

Heero slowed down for a moment, thinking, and then shrugged. He sighed, his slim fingers expertly gathering the silverware left lying on the table. "I guess she does." He said slowly, thoughtfully. "And still it drives me crazy."

Duo's hand sneaked under the table and brushed playfully over Heero's thigh. Heero smiled shyly, his movements faltering for a moment. The soothing movement of Duo's fingers over his thigh managed to calm him a bit. He finished collecting the plates and prepared to leave.

"I'll be right back." He promised, slightly out of breath, and rushed to the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen and placed the pile of plates by the sink. Nora was standing by the stove, warming a kettle of water.

"Dinner was great." He said softly, reaching up for the cupboard above the sink. He pulled out three white china mugs, decorated with a simple blue pattern.

Nora smiled, nodding her head. "I'm glad you think so." She pointed at the direction of the cupboard. "There's a teapot in the cupboard. Bring it down, will you?"

Heero reached up; standing on his tiptoes, and took the teapot from the top shelf in the cupboard.

"Duo is a very interesting young man." Nora stated casually, arranging a few tea bags, honey, lemon and sugar on a shiny silver tray.

"Yes, he is." Heero agreed, taking a carton of milk out of the fridge. He liked his tea with milk and honey. He placed the milk on the tray as well.

"I can't remember hearing you laugh so much." Nora continued speaking matter-of-factly as she reached to lift the kettle off the stove.

Heero smiled shyly, slighlty blushing. "I'm glad you liked him."

Nora turned to smile at him, though there was something very serious, very intense, in her gaze. Her blind blue eyes seemed to be looking straight into him and back out. Heero swallowed, taken aback by that gaze.

"Heero," she began slowly, "Please don't miss this chance. I think you will be very happy with him. You already are."

Heero let out a small, relieved, sigh. He smiled and nodded his head. "Hai. I don't think I will let it slip."

Nora relaxed as well. "Good. I was afraid that you were still filled with silly thoughts about 'right', 'wrong', and other nonsense. There's no right or wrong in love, I hope you know that."

Heero nodded. "Yes. I know. I've realized that love is just... love." He said with a smile. Nora smiled back.

"Good. I'm glad I got it off my che--" She suddenly gulped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She began to cough and gag loudly.

Heero's eyes widened in worry. "Nora?" He asked, panicked, and rushed to her side. "Nora, what's wrong?" He repeated when the woman didn't stop coughing.

Nora didn't answer and opened in a frantic run out of the kitchen. Duo, who was still sitting by the dinner table, managed to see her streak by the table and run to the hallway. A door was slammed shut and then Heero burst running out of the kitchen, following her. Confused, Duo got up as well and ran after him.

He made it to the hallway just in time to see Heero banging on the bathroom's door.

"Nora?!" He called worriedly, his tone fearful. He was panting and his features were pale with worry. From within the bathroom, he could hear sounds of gagging and coughing, like vomiting.

"Nora!? Nora! What's wrong?" He asked desperately, his blue eyes looking miserably at the door. He threw a hand towards the doorknob and shook it violently. The door was locked, and it only rattled loudly under his assault. He felt so helpless at the moment, which made him punch the door in a frustrated attempt to do something.

Duo's warm hand sneaked carefully over his shoulder, trying to calm him. "Heero, calm down. Please." He whispered, looking worriedly at his boyfriend. Heero's shoulders were tense and his every muscle taut. Duo stroked his shoulder soothingly, trying to offer as much comfort as he could.

"Move back." Heero hissed coldly, and Duo knew better than to argue. He took a few steps back and watched as Heero rammed himself at the door, opening it by force. Without waiting for Duo's response to his actions, Heero burst into the small bathroom.

He found Nora kneeling in front of the toilet, the folds of her blue dress lying on the floor, surrounding her like a puddle. Her long brown hair shone under the bright light in bathroom, moving left and right as she leaned over the toilet to vomit.

"Nora?" Heero whispered dreadfully, and took a small step towards her.

The woman did not respond, and leaned closer to the toilet, still vomiting.

Heero kneeled by her carefully, and placed a trembling hand over her back. He rubbed her back soothingly, trying to help, to ease, to be of any use at all. His miserable blue eyes watched her in worry as she emptied her dinner into the white porcelain. His expression was lost and his features pale. All he could do was stroke her back slowly, his fingers gliding over her long brown hair.

Duo stood at the doorway, watching them silently.

After a while, Nora calmed and slumped against the toilet, panting. Her features were pale and tired, dark circles under her eyes. She was breathing heavily, her mouth wide open as she gasped for air.

"I'll bring her some water." Duo muttered, and slowly turned to leave. Heero sent him a thankful glance and then turned back to Nora.

"Are you all right?" He whispered timidly, his voice faltering as he spoke. He was still rubbing her back, and when she slowly straightened up, he was forced to let go. His hand slid off her passively, and dangled lifelessly at his side. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her, his blue eyes shimmering with worry and fear.

"What happened?" He asked quietly, watching her carefully for any sign of discomfort.

"Nothing." Nora muttered, wiping her mouth. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back for a moment, trying to relax. "I overate, that's all." She finally said, turning to face him. She smiled, but her smile faltered. "Just an upset stomach. It's been bothering me all day."

Heero frowned, unconvinced. "Are you ill? Why didn't you say so? You shouldn't have forced yourself to make dinner tonight." His tone was harsh, like he was rebuking a child. His worry over her tended to make him over-protective, like a parent over a child. It was absurd in a way, but he didn't care.

"Don't be silly, Heero." Nora whispered, slightly out of breath. Duo walked into the bathroom and handed her a glass of water.

"Thank you." She mumbled and took a small sip. Heero's worried blue eyes were on her the whole time.

"Maybe I should stay the night."

Putting the glass away, Nora shook her head slowly. "Please, Heero, there's no need. You two have plans." She said tiredly, turning to face Heero with a forced smile. "I'll be fine."

"Demo—" Heero objected, shaking his head in a desperate motion.

"Nora, maybe he's right." Duo interjected, his tone careful for he felt out of place to say such things. "If you are feeling ill, then..."

"Boys, please! I'm fine." Nora insisted, "It was just a slight nausea... I overate. That's all." She said, and with a groan she struggled up to her feet. Heero got up as well, reaching a hand to help her.

"Are you sure?" he asked, helping her stand, "I really don't mind staying, and if you need anything then please say so."

Nora smiled warmly, her eyes shining as she turned to face him. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Heero, I'm fine. Don't fuss over me, I don't appreciate it."

Heero made a face, but kept his mouth shut. Sighing, he lowered his head and muttered: "Fine. I'm sorry." He reluctantly let go of her, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. Duo was waiting at the doorway, watching them silently. When Heero reached the doorstep, he sighed and turned back to face the woman.

"Just... just call if you need anything..." he pleaded, his blue eyes shimmering, "Please?"

Nora sighed, pushing her long hair out of her eyes. She turned to 'look' up at him, smiling. "All right. I will."

Heero smiled shakily in return, still worried and confused. "Thank you." He mumbled, and then walked out of the bathroom.

Duo was already waiting for him in the living room.

"Is it okay to leave her like this?" He asks worriedly, his heart aching for Heero. The young man's anguish was shining clearly in his blue eyes.

"Yeah." Heero breathed, his voice tired. He walked heavily towards the kitchen. "I'll just... I'll wash the dishes and then we'll go." He mumbled dejectedly.

Duo hurried to catch up with him, so he could walk by his side, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sure. I'll help ya." He promised with a warm smile, and the two set to work.

.....

It seemed like whenever he was in a bad mood, the weather responded in kind. It was as if the Earth itself reflected his own feelings and moods, which was quite absurd considering he was a colony-born. He had little connection to the Earth, and yet the lively planet seemed to have grown fond of him. Perhaps it was thankful towards the man who had saved it from destruction. Maybe it was showing some sort of gratitude towards him by sympathizing with his emotions. Maybe that's why it rained whenever he felt like crying, or the skies were a clear blue when his heart felt lighter. Or perhaps, he had it all backwards, and the Earth detested him. Maybe that's why it didn't allow the sun to shine when he was feeling down, so there will be nothing to cheer him up. Plausibly, Heero mused, it was probably just a coincidence. He was being selfish thinking that everything revolved around him.

In any case, the fact remained that ever since the dinner at Nora's place, Heero's mood was rundown, and his mood reflected in the cloudy sky. The time was towards the end of spring, and summer was approaching, and yet the weathermen were baffled as to how a storm had come upon the city. The temperatures dropped drastically, and cold winds blew over the streets. Now and then a shower of rain fell from the heavens, and the sight of a blue skies became rare all of a sudden.

People didn't give it much thought. For a long while after the Eve Wars the weather had been capricious. The use of many nuclear weapons and large atmospheric interruptions caused by many weapons of war, had somehow damaged the Earth in ways still unknown. Phenomenons like snow in the middle of summer or a drought during the coldest winter, were becoming rather common in some parts of the world. The heavy rain falling over the city didn't surprise the people walking down the streets, and they simply hurried to find shelter.

Running down the pavement, Duo cursed and reached a hand to wipe the wet bangs that clung to his face. "Dammit! What's up with this rain?" He muttered, shifting his hold on the heavy paper bags he was holding. He ran faster, eager to get out of the rain. The heavy droplets falling from above were fat, hot and muddy. The winds of the summer storm blew hard, tousling his long bangs wildly.

Heero, who was walking by his side, hurried to catch up with him. He was also carrying two heavy paper bags, packed with groceries, his pink/blue/white uniforms getting soaked by the rain. He just finished work an hour ago, and Duo came to meet him so they could go shopping together. Nora was ill, as she had been all week, and Heero made sure to buy all of her necessities as well. He wasn't overly depressed today, when Duo was with him it was hard to sink into depression, but he was worried sick over Nora. It seemed like the weather responded to his worry.

Sighing tiredly, Heero fixed his hold on the bags he was carrying and ran towards Duo. The two hurried towards Heero's apartment building, entering the small lobby with their clothes soaking wet and their breathing heavy.

"Jesus!" Duo exclaimed, shaking his head from side to side. His wet hair sprayed water all over the place, like a dog drying himself. "Where the hell did THAT come from?!"

Heero gave out a small chuckle, thrusting his damp bangs out of his eyes. "Alaska. Or so they said on the news." He replied smugly, making his way towards the stairwell.

"Smartass." Duo muttered, and followed in his footsteps.

"I'm going to give Nora her groceries first." Heero informed him as they climbed up to Nora's floor. "I won't be long."

Duo smiled, slightly panting as he climbed two stairs at a time, trying to catch up with Heero. "Take your time. I don't mind. Hey! Why won't we make her something good to eat? It will make her feel better."

Heero nodded with a smile. "That'll be nice." He said, walking into the corridor that led to Nora's door.

"Cool! I think I can make a good... uh... TV dinner?" Duo mumbled, grinning sheepishly, "Heh, I don't think she'd like my cooking."

Heero rolled his eyes and turned to the door. "Baka." He wiggled his hand from behind the shopping bags and raised it to the door. He knocked, but there was no answer. Frowning, he knocked again.

"Maybe she's not home." Duo suggested carefully. He was standing behind Heero, holding the paper bags, and peeking over his shoulder. It was not the first time that the two of them dropped by without notice at Nora's place, and found themselves standing in front of the door, with no one there to answer. "Maybe she had more of those arrangements she always goes on."

Heero sighed, worry stirring in his heart. He reached to knock again. "Duo no baka. You saw how ill she was the other day. Why would she go out in such condition?"

Duo shrugged. "I dunno. It was just a thought..."

Taking a nervous breath, Heero tried again. "Nora?" He called, leaning towards the door. "Are you home?"

Silence.

Sighing heavily, Heero put the bags down and pulled a key out of his black jeans' pocket.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Duo asked as he watched his boyfriend key himself in.

"Yeah." Heero grunted, opening the door with some difficulty. It creaked when it opened, and cool air poured out of the apartment.

"Is it always this cold?" Duo let out with a frown, taking a hesitant step forward. He clutched the bags tightly as he waited for Heero to lift his own load.

"The landlord didn't agree to activate the central heating." Heero muttered in annoyance, walking into the apartment. "He insists that a storm in the middle of spring is not a good enough reason." He finished with a sigh, just as they entered the kitchen. He placed the bags on the kitchen table. Duo did the same.

"So, uh, no home cooked meal tonight, huh?" He joked, though he was a little disappointed. He had grown very fond of Nora's cooking. He cherished every evening the two of them came over for dinner. It was far better than munching on junk food while they studied.

Heero chuckled, placing some dairies in the fridge. "Don't worry, Duo. I'll cook."

Duo grinned and hurried to glomp his boyfriend from behind. "All right!"

.....

When they reached Heero's apartment a while later, Heero offered that Duo will enter the shower first, while he will make dinner. He didn't take the time to change out of his wet pink/blue/white uniforms, and began preparing the meal. The apartment was silent aside for the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. The sun was setting behind the heavy clouds, bidding farewell to another gloomy afternoon. The apartment was quite chilly, the crisp air of the summer storm leaving invisible frostbites on everything it touched. The heater was turned on, standing on a miniature wooden table in the small space between the kitchen and the living room. Its strong orange light washed the small apartment, casting a ginger glow on the sofa/bed that stood in the middle of the living room.

Heero worked in silence, cutting a few vegetables and then throwing them into a small wok. He made a quick and simple dinner, frying some noodles, while he waited for Duo to finish his shower. It was not an unusual routine for the two of them. Since Duo lived in the university's dormitories, Heero was not allowed to enter his quarters. So the two of them spent most of their time together either going out, or in Heero's apartment. The tiny apartment had barely enough room for one, but they didn't mind to share such closeness. There wasn't much room to move about, merely a small kitchen, a bathroom and the sofa that took most of the space, but they managed. Most of the time they just lay together on the bed, studying, watching television or simply enjoying each other's company.

There was nothing Heero enjoyed more than being curled beside Duo under a warm blanket, simply being held and caressed. They didn't sleep together in the sexual sense of the word, not yet, but it didn't bother them. Heero was grateful for being able to take things slow. Despite his deep love and attraction to Duo, he didn't feel ready to sleep with him yet. He wanted to take his time, to familiarize himself with this new sense of intimacy. He had rushed things before, having a cheap one-night-stand, and he had gotten nothing but hurt in exchange for a few moments of pleasure. Before that, he was forced to have sex, and that had also left deep scars in his soul. He didn't want to rush things with Duo. He wanted to take slow careful steps towards an intimate relationship. He was grateful that Duo and he shared that opinion. He suspected that his boyfriend was hesitant because of what happened back then, in that dark prison cell, and he was thankful for the fact that Duo was so considerate.

He finished just in time, when the sound of running water ceased to come from the shower. He took a couple of simple blue bowls out of the cupboard and loaded each one with some stir-fried noodles. His slim fingers swiftly swooped two pairs of chopsticks from the counter, and he made his way to the living room.

Duo walked out of the bathroom, immediately washed by the warm golden light of the heater. He was wearing the same pair of blue jeans he wore before, and one of Heero's white T-shirts. His damp hair fell smoothly over his back, before he reached two hands up and braided it swiftly. He saw Heero was waiting for him on the bed, and he smiled lovingly at the sight of him, washed by the exotic gigner light. Despite his ridiculously colored uniforms, Heero managed to look beautiful. There was a certain glow to the boy, something sweet and honey-like, whenever he saw him under this light. It made his heart warm, and he couldn't help but let his smile spread like melting chocolate.

"Smells delicious." He commented softly, and sat beside Heero. Heero smiled back, handing him a bowl of noodles. The two enjoyed a nice silent meal together, sitting curled by one another in front of the heater.

When they were done eating, Duo got up, and without a word took the two empty bowls into the kitchen. Heero, who was still sitting on the sofa/bed, smiled affectionately at the sound of running water from the sink, where Duo began washing the dishes. His heart felt heavy, but each little thing Duo did was so endearing, that it made his burden so much easier to bear. He loved the connection they shared. The way they could communicate with no words at all. Duo knew when to keep silent; he knew when he should just be there, with no words, just his loving presence. Heero was so thankful for it. He enjoyed the comfort and affection Duo gave him. He loved the understanding they shared, the deep bond between them. It made even the gloomiest rainy afternoon feel like the warmest thing in the world.

Although he was still bothered by the ominous feelings that flooded him day and night. At day, he thought of Nora, about her frequently growing disappearing acts. At night, he was haunted by nightmarish visions of blood, pain and smoke. Events from his past and the story of Nora's past mixed together in his head to form a terrifying reality. It was terrifying because it was so _real_. Each dream was so actual and intense that it left him shaking. When Duo didn't sleep over, he would even cry. He was emotionally drained, tired of feeling so much worry and dread. He would brood often and every now and then Duo had to wake him from some numbing daydream. His mind got sidetracked easily, thinking about images that were possibly memories, possibly fiction. And to top it all was the fact that he could speak about none of that with Nora, because she was feeling ill as it is, and he didn't want to upset her.

Sighing heavily, Heero slowly dragged himself off the sofa and made his way to the shower.

.....

Standing in front of a small mirror, he undressed slowly, taking his time. His limbs felt heavy, he was so terribly tired. His mind was numb, his vision unfocused. He mindlessly pulled his shirt over his head, and threw it to the floor. He wriggled out of his jeans and let them drop to the floor. Sighing tiredly, he bent down to yank his socks off. He straightened up, glancing shortly at the mirror.

There was a little boy in the mirror, staring straight at him. A little boy with scruffy brown hair and a thick bloody bandage around his head. Hikari.

Heero gasped, his eyes wide. The boy's sad blue eyes met with his. Blood was running down his temples, leaking from underneath the bandage.

Heero staggered back, nearly falling, until he collided with the wall. The cool porcelain wall stung his naked back, bringing him violently back to reality. He blinked, and the boy was gone. He was staring at his own pale and naked reflection.

He stood there, panting, staring at his trembling reflection. The image of the bloody bandage on the boy's head was burnt deeply into his mind. He felt nauseous all of sudden, a dreadful feeling overtaking him.

With trembling hands, he reached to open the faucet. He stepped under the warm shower stream, and leaned his head heavily on the cool porcelain wall. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to take deep, long breaths, trying to calm down. Quick flashes assaulted his mind, an overflow of information trying to flood his head. He felt like there was too much trying to enter his mind, and there was not enough room. It hurt. He cringed painfully, squeezing his eyes tight as the images swirled in his head. A park. A home. An explosion. Darkness. The training. The war. Fear. Pain. Longing for something... something that was lost... something he could never remember...

"Please..." he pleaded, nearly crying, "Just leave me alone..."

His mother. His father. Dead. No! It was just a dream! It never happened to him! It was Nora's family! It was Hikari's life! Not his! Not his!

"Urgh!" Heero groaned, collapsing to his knees. The hot shower rained from above, warm water mixing with fresh tears. He punched the wall in frustration and pain. He was going crazy, driven mad by memories and fantasies that didn't belong to him. They didn't belong!

"Heero?" Duo's hesitant voice came from behind the door. There was a soft knock. "Heero, are you okay?"

He suddenly realized that he must have been there for too long. The water was getting cold. Sighing, he took a moment to compose himself before muttering a faltering "Y-yes."

There was a hesitant pause, and then, "Oh, uh, a-all right. I, uh... take your time. Sorry." Duo mumbled, sounding confused. Did he notice that he was crying?

Duo retreated. It was silent again, only the sound of the rushing water there with him. Still on his knees, he reached a trembling hand up and closed the faucet. He then slowly rose on shaking feet, and stepped out of the shower. He dried himself slowly, sending nervous glances at the mirror as he slid the towel over his damp body. The reflection didn't change; he was still staring at his frightened, confused, self.

He took a small step forward, and stood in front of the mirror. He let the towel drop to his feet, and merely stood there, staring at his naked reflection. He studied himself quietly, running his blue eyes slowly down his lean figure. With a faltering breath, he reached a hesitant hand up, carefully touching his chest. He slid the tip of his fingers over his muscled chest, trailing down to his abdomen, and then his waist. He touched himself lightly, tilting his head aside curiously as he looked at his reflection.

A small shiver ran threw him when his intense blue eyes meet with the eyes in the mirror. He swallowed, lightly caressing the area just above his groin. He wanted to make sure that it was himself he was touching. He needed this reassurance. Looking at the reflection of his hand, and feeling it trail over his skin, made him feel real somehow. If he could see and he could feel, then he must be real. His breath faltered for a minute as he toyed with the curly hairs above his groin. He looked deeply into his own eyes, and offered himself a little smile.

He couldn't believe that he was looking at his nineteen year old self. That thought suddenly amazed him. He was prepared to take his own life by the age of ten, and yet here he was, staring at his older reflection. He couldn't believe that he made it this far. He survived anything life threw at him, and now, he was happy. True, he was very upset lately, and at times he found it too hard to force himself to take another breath, but he was overly content with life. He had all he ever wished for, and he was prepared to take it all- the good with the bad. He of all people knew that life was not a bed of roses. Most of the time there were simply thorns.

Looking deeply into his own eyes, Heero reached a hand to touch the mirror. He caressed the face of his reflection, and smiled a little. From every bad thing, came something good. He hated to think about the awful things of his past, however he wished to take whatever little goodness came out of them. Perhaps there was a reason for each horror he had to go through. Perhaps... perhaps he _did_ have a home once, a family, and fate separated them so he could answer a greater call, fulfill a bigger destiny. He didn't mind it so much now that he had Nora. He grew attached to her, he loved her deeply, and that was enough of a compensation for what he had lost.

As for the horrors of war... maybe what happened in that dark OZ prison cell only made him stronger. It made his love stronger. His love for Duo was greater than anything he ever felt. And now, he felt ready. Ready to give him his body, ready to show his love to him in the most intimate way. It meant a lot, and he was sure that Duo knew that. It wasn't easy for him to do this, but the love filling his heart was enough of a reason.

He felt ready, his body told him. His skin tingled in anticipation, warm shivers rippling through his body. He looked down at himself, slowly lowering his hand. He placed his palm over his heart, the wild heartbeat confirming his body's statement. He was ready to do this, his heart confirmed. He _needed_ to do this. Tonight. He wanted it to be tonight. This body was his own, to do as he pleased. He will give it by choice, with all the love that he held in his heart. He was ready for this. He felt it in the very fibers of his being. If he will not share this intimacy tonight... he would collapse. He couldn't do this by himself anymore. He needed someone to be with him. He needed someone to touch him, to hold him. He needed Duo to touch him, to understand him. To make love to him, to comfort him and take the pain away. He needed to show his love to Duo, he wanted to make him _feel_ it. He wanted both of them to feel it. Tonight. It was going to be tonight.

With a shy little smile, Heero nodded at his own reflection. He bent down to pick his towel off the floor, and wrapped it around his waist. No more nightmares after tonight. No more regrets, he decided, and carefully stepped out of the bathroom.

.....

He walked out of the shower with only a white towel around his slim waist. The orange light of the heater slowly coated him like a golden blanket as he walked back into the living room. His damp hair was dripping water, the clear droplets glittering as they slid down his muscled chest.

Duo was sitting on the sofa/bed, waiting for him. The bed was freshly made, and the braided young man was sitting in the middle of the double bed, fluffing a pillow. Heero smiled warmly at the sight, and made his way to the bed. With the towel hanging loosely around his slender waist, he crawled onto the bed, and kneeled behind Duo. He caught his braided boyfriend by surprise when he slowly began kissing his neck, earning a small gasp from the boy.

Heero smiled to himself and leaned forward, letting his hands wander up Duo's arms, to his shoulders, and down to his chest. He pressed himself to Duo's back, nibbling his neck playfully, as his fingers sneaked under the boy's shirt. Duo moaned and Heero shifted closer, the mattress yielding under his movements.

"H-Heero..." Duo mumbled, out of breath. "What's gotten into you?" Breathless, he turned around to face the Japanese boy. His gaze softened at the beautiful sight before him. He took a moment to simply appreciate the sight of the beauty kneeling before him. The way the warm orange light painted Heero's muscled chest, creating an exotic vision of the boy. He was wearing nothing but a loose towel, which was hanging low around his slim waist. Duo's eyes lingered onto the inviting sight, before he turned to look up at Heero's eyes.

Heero smiled shyly, his cheeks slightly blushing. He reached a slim hand down, and slowly removed the towel, sliding it over his skin until it hid nothing. He swallowed, taking a nervous breath, before he turned to look at Duo again. His cheeks blushed a bright red, and his entire body burnt with heat. The feeling of complete exposure in front of the one he loved sent pleasant tingles down his skin. Just being looked at was arousing him.

Stunned, Duo simply stared. His wide eyes traveled up and down Heero's naked figure, until he met his eyes. A small smile graced his lips, his eyes moist with tears for he was so overwhelmed with love. Still, he hesitated to move. Heero saw that, noticed the flash of that dark cell reflecting in Duo's eyes, but he didn't let it stop him. Tonight he will prove, to both Duo and himself, that their love can win over those memories. The past will be forgotten after tonight, he promised himself.

He reached forward, and took Duo's hand in his. He guided the hesitant palm to his body, letting it rest on his thigh.

"Don't think about it." He whispered, looking deeply into Duo's eyes. He smiled kindly, shifting Duo's hand so it slid down his inner thigh. "I'm not."

Duo swallowed, looking nervously at his hand, afraid to hurt Heero somehow, despite the fact that he was not responsible for his hand's current location. He looked up at Heero just in time to see the boy lean closer, and then becoming a blur as he sealed his lips with a kiss. The feeling of Heero's warm lips against his mouth slowly melted his fear away. He kissed back, tasting those soft lips and then parting them gently with his tongue. He kissed Heero long and deep, rising higher on his knees as he wrapped his arms around the boy. Heero's skin was hot as fire when he touched him. He rubbed his palm up and down Heero's back, toying ruthlessly with Heero's tongue until the boy moaned helplessly into his mouth. He drank every moan, as if they were wine, his body getting eager to play the game.

When they parted, they were both panting. Duo's hair was tousled wildly, his bangs moving up and down as he breathed. Heero was also flushed and breathless. He leaned closer to Duo, breathing harshly into his ear as he whispered- "Make love to me, Duo. I love you, I trust you, I..." His hand reached down between their bodies, taking hold of Duo's hand. He guided his hand to his hardening arousal.

"...I want you..." He whispered in a low, sexy voice, smirking at his own boldness.

Duo smiled back and then chuckled. He gave Heero a quick kiss, and then drew back so he could look into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

Heero nodded, his eyes shining with warmth and love. "More than anything. I want to make love with you."

It was all the reassurance Duo needed.

.....

(Cut out lemon scene)

.....

They lay together in silence, simply breathing. Heero was curled against Duo, lying by his side. They entwined their limbs, as Heero laid his head on Duo's sweaty chest. His braided lover was still breathing hard, and his chest rose up and down quickly. Heero smiled at the feeling, also happy to hear the wild rhythm of Duo's heart. He wrapped his arms around Duo, hugging him tight. Duo's hand slowly traveled up and down his body, caressing him with soft butterfly touches.

"I love you." Heero whispered, reaching down for Duo's braid. It was still wet from the shower he'd taken but two hours ago. He began toying to the tip of Duo's braid, curling the wet hairs around his finger and then releasing them.

Duo's hold on him tightened. He pushed him closer to his body, and kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, Hee-chan. More than anything." He whispered back, caressing Heero's smooth back. "Thank you for a wonderful evening."

Heero smiled sheepishly, his cheeks blushed. "You're welcome." He mumbled into Duo's chest, shrugging lightly. He curled deeper into Duo, nestling himself against the warm body. He sighed pleasantly, enjoying the warmth surrounding him, and drifted into an exhausted sleep.

.....

He was home again, standing in the middle of a green park. Shiny silver buildings peeked from behind the trees, the hint of a window and some flowerpots visible behind lush branches. He turned to look around, examining his surrounding. He smiled at the familiar sight, a feeling of peace taking over him. The park was silent, only the soft twittering of birds heard from a distance. Behind him, down the green hill, spread the whole colony in all its glory. The silver streets glinted under the colony light, colorful cars cruising down the roads.

He smiled, and turned back to face the park. The air was warm and sweet. He inhaled deeply and began to slowly walk down the gravel trails, enjoying himself beyond belief. He didn't recall feeling such ease in a long, long, while. The calm atmosphere and the delightful green sights bestowed a pleasant feeling over him. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, a smile spreading on his features as he let himself enjoy the warm colony light.

He stood still for a few moments, simply absorbing the pleasant silence. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Nora standing not so far away, on a nearby hill. She was wearing her beautiful blue dress, her long brown hair cascading smoothly down her back, tousled by the wind. It seemed like she was looking for someone, searching desperately. Heero smiled warmly. She was looking for him.

He took a step forward, simply wishing to go to her, to end her search so she will not be so sad. The minute he took another step, someone stopped him. He was grabbed forcefully from behind, two pairs of strong hands gripping him by his upper arms. His eyes widened in panic.

"No!" He called, frightened. He reached a hand forward, in Nora's direction, trying desperately to reach her. "Nora!"

The hands restraining him tightened in a painful grip, nearly ripping his flesh. An evil laughter rang in his ear, followed by another.

"C'mon, sweet cakes, time to go back."

"Yeah, babe, we missed ya!"

He knew those voices and he shook his head wildly in denial. "No! No! Please!"

They began dragging him away from there, and he knew, without even looking back, that they were dragging him into that dark cell again. He fought them with all his might, struggling to get away. To get back to Nora. She was waiting for him. She's been waiting for so long, he had to go to her!

But he couldn't get away from them. He was too tired to fight, too exhausted to struggle. It was those damn tests, they made him weak. He couldn't even move his legs anymore. He hung limply in their hold, his feet dragging on the gravel road as they carried him away. His head hung low in defeat, his bangs obscuring his eyes as he mumbled: "Please... no more tests... please..."

Nora was still on that hill, looking left and right, searching. She was getting further and further away. He gave one last attempt at escape, but it did him no good. They only laughed at him, calling him names.

"Hurry up!" Lady Une barked at them, crossing her arms over her chest. "Get him out of the hangar!"

He jerked his head up to look at her, a desperate plea in his eyes. "Please! No! They raped me! Let me go! Please! They'll do it again! Can't you see?! Please! Please..."

His words only made her angry. She slapped him hard and then spat in his face. "Private Barton! Get the prisoner back to his cell!"

"Trowa- no!" He screamed, his voice anxious as he noted that the green hill was so terribly far away. He could barely see Nora anymore.

"We'll continue the tests tomorrow. Tell the scientists to prepare the Mercurious."

"No! Please no... Nora- help me! Help me!! Nora!!!!"

The iron hands gave him a finally yank and threw him into the cell.

It was dark. He couldn't see and he couldn't hear. He wasn't sure if he had a body anymore, until his legs were thrown up in the air and forced painfully open. He closed his eyes tight and screamed:

"MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Heero awoke with a jerk. Someone was shaking him, holding him by his upper arms. For a moment, he panicked. He was naked and someone was by his side, also naked. Tears of helplessness filled his eyes. He lifted his arms to fight off the unknown attacker, but the rapist wouldn't let go!

"No! No! Let me go! Don't touch me! Let me go!!!" He screamed, trashing wildly on the bed. He will not give in so easily! As long as he had the strength to fight- he will not give in! He kicked and he punched, doing his best to get away from the man by his side. The man, however, refused to let go. He was shaking him forcefully, as if trying to wake him.

"Heero! Heero! Look at me! Heero!" Duo's anxious voice slowly sipped into his consciousness.

Heero gasped, his eyes darting up to meet the worried purple orbs above him. He stilled, his body slumping heavily into the mattress. His features were pale with confusion and shock. He shifted his gaze from side to side, trying to recall where he was. Tears began to flood his eyes as realization slowly returned. He was home. He was with Duo. He was safe with Duo. He was with Duo...

Propped on one elbow so he could look down at the boy beneath him, Duo watched as Heero slowly realized where he was. He lay silently by his side, the blanket sliding down to his naked waist. He reached a hand down to caress Heero's cheek, wiping away the stream of silvery tears. He took a faltering breath, trying to remain calm despite the vulnerable and frightened sight of his lover. He couldn't bear to see Heero like this. His heart ached because he knew that this was his entire fault. He never should have let Heero sleep with him. It was still too early. He knew it, and still he played along. He should never have done that.

Sighing sadly, Duo looked down at his lover, gently tousling his bangs. "Heero, look at me." He whispered softly. He held himself from flinching when a pair of frightened blue eyes turned to him. He swallowed, and reached to pet Heero's tender cheek.

"Do you regret what we just did?" He asked quietly, his tone careful.

It took Heero a few long moments, at which he merely stared dumbly at Duo, before he slowly shook his head.

Duo was unconvinced. Leaning closer to Heero, he looked him straight in the eyes and whispered harshly. "Did I hurt you in any way?"

"No... no... I wanted it... I did..." Heero mumbled in a small voice, still suffocated with tears. He shook his head against the pillow, looking up at Duo with shimmering eyes. "I'm the one who... who started it... I wanted it... I did..."

"Heero, are you sure?" Duo asked, nearly crying. The boy seemed so confused that he found it difficult to be assured. "God, Hee-chan, the last thing I EVER want is to hurt you."

"I know... I know..." Heero murmured, turning his head aside. He sighed deeply, staring ahead at nothing. "I... I don't think it had anything to do with what happened..."

Duo frowned, confused. He lay down again and scooped Heero into his arms. He wrapped his arms around the boy's slim body, pressing him closer to his chest. Heero laid his head under his shoulder, close to his chest, and Duo bent down to kiss the top of his head. "Then what is it? What's wrong?"

Confused, Heero didn't know what to answer. He stared unfocusedly at the white sheets, trying to find the words to explain it to Duo.

"It's just that... there's... there's so much stuff in my head, Duo... so much... in my head, I... I can't... can't stop thinking about it... remembering..." He sighed, closing his eyes sadly. "I don't know..."

Fresh tears lingered onto his long eyelashes, his lips trembling in an attempt to stop the sobs from coming. He couldn't help it. He felt so small and helpless at the moment that he couldn't restrain his tears. He reached a shaking hand to hug Duo tightly. He buried himself in Duo's chest, pressing closer to him until he felt that they were one again. He didn't even have to ask, Duo knew that all he wanted was to be held. Warm arms held him tightly, soft fingers playing with his hair. They lay together, limbs entwined, letting time tick by slowly. Heero couldn't be more grateful for the love and warmth that surrounded him at the moment.

.....

"I brought you some soup." Heero mumbled solemnly as he placed a small tray on Nora's nightstand. He then turned to carefully sit down at the edge of her bed, sighing deeply before facing her. The woman was lying slumped against a small mountain of pillows, looking terribly pale and exhausted. There were black bags under her eyes and her lips were parched. Her long brown hair lay spread over the pillow, a few messy hairs falling over her face. Heero reached a gentle hand to wipe them away, his eyes shining sadly.

"Please eat." he said softly, his blue eyes pleading with her, "You haven't eaten in days."

"I'm not hungry, Heero." she muttered, shaking her head tiredly, "I'm too nauseous to eat..."

Heero sighed. "You have to eat something, Nora." He insisted, turning to take the small bowl of soup. He placed it in his lap and dipped the spoon in. He carefully served it to Nora's lips. His eyes begged her to open her mouth. With a long sigh, Nora sipped the soup and then slumped back into her pillow. Her blue eyes gazed blindly ahead as he fed her patiently, not saying anything even when she spilled some soup over her nightgown. He simply wiped the fluid off her chin with his sleeve and fed her some more. The room was silent as he served the spoon to her lips, feeding her at least half a bowl.

"Please, Heero. No more." Nora whispered hoarsely, gesturing with her hand to emphasize her words. "I can't eat anymore."

Heero nodded in understanding and placed the bowl back on the nightstand. He continued to sit on the bed, his hands in his lap and his gaze at the floor. A heavy silence fell over the small bedroom, so heavy that it was hard to bear. Nora lay quietly on the bed, her gaze thoughtful. She was listening carefully to the sound of Heero's breathing, trying to detect if anything was wrong. He was so silent, he didn't even more. There were no rustling sheets to indicate any movement. The slow rhythm of his breath and the way he sat heavily on the matters brought her to one conclusion. Something was bothering him. He was very upset, and frankly, she couldn't blame him.

"Heero, what's wrong?" She asked, trying to make her tone lighter, softer. She could hear him sigh heavily, and by the small shifting of the mattress she figured that he must have shrugged or something.

"It's nothing, Nora. I... it's nothing."

That was not the answer she wanted to hear. She forced herself up, dragging herself over the pillows so she could more or less sit. She reached forward, searching for his hand. Since she didn't find it, she settled for placing her palm on his forearm. "Heero, if something is bothering you, I'd like to hear about it."

Still he kept silent.

Nora sighed, shaking her head. "If you are worried about me, then don't be. I'll be fine in a few days."

"That's not it..." He mumbled, and then stopped himself. "I mean, I _am_ worried about you, but... but that's not why I'm..." He slowly trailed off, burying his face in his hands. "Forget it."

Nora heaved a long, irritated, sigh. "Heero, what's been bothering you?" She repeated, her tone harsher than before. He was appealing to her stubborn side now, and he should know well by now that it should not be messed with.

Heero sighed as well, his eyes fixed at the floor as he placed both hands over his lap. His gaze was numb as his voice when he finally mumbled: "I... I've been wanting to... to speak to you, about... about something."

"What about?" She inquired, reaching up to tousle his hair briefly, offering a small comfort.

Heero shifted uncomfortably on the bed, struggling to find the right words. "I... I... I've been having these strange dreams lately, and..." He paused, afraid to continue.

"What dreams?" she asked worriedly, "Did your nightmares return?"

Heero shook his head, his gaze still at the floor. "No. Not exactly." He whispered, and then sighed, running a hand through his bangs as he pushed them backwards. "They are very disturbing, but... they're not the same as before."

"What do you mean?" Nora asked, confused.

Taking a deep, faltering breath, Heero turned to face her. His expression was dreadfully serious as he spoke. "Lately I've been... I've been dreaming about your family, Nora. I've been dreaming about... about Hikari."

Nora visibly stilled at his words, frozen in her spot. She swallowed hard, and cast her gaze down. "I see." She mumbled, reaching a hand to wipe a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes.

Heero berated himself for bringing up the subject. She was feeling bad as it is, why make it worse?

"I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it." He mumbled, turning away. "You should get some sleep." He added solemnly and prepared to rise off the bed.

"No." Nora stopped him, reaching for his hand. She held it tight, raising her head up to 'look' at him with a serious and sharp gaze. Her blue eyes were so intense; it was hard to believe that she was blind. Heero swallowed and slowly sat down.

"I do want to hear about it." She said earnestly, squeezing his hand tighter. "Never _dare_ to think that I don't want to hear what you have to say, Heero." She spoke harshly, trying to convince him with all her willpower. Her eyes somehow found his, and her blind gaze paralyzed him.

"What do you dream about, Heero?" she asked slowly, as if speaking to a child, "Tell me."

"I don't know..." Heero mumbled, shaking his head slowly. He sat down by her side, leaning against the pillows. He didn't turn to face her, though, when he finally spoke. His gaze was fixed on his fidgeting hands, his slim fingers playing with the sheets.

"I could never bring myself to remember my past. I lost every recollection of what I experienced before my training." He began quietly, struggling to say every word. "As a child, I simply accepted the fact that I had nowhere to go, no place to return to. I had nothing, and yet I always had the feeling that there _was_ something out there. I spent hours looking out various windows, as if the answer would somehow come to me."

"And now it did?" Nora asked softly, placing a hand over his.

Heero nodded slowly. "I'm... I'm almost sure that I remember." He confessed quietly, an uncomfortable feeling taking over him. "I think that my dreams are trying to tell me something."

There was a moment of silence as Nora slowly absorbed his words. She then turned to face him. "What do you dream about?"

He sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. His fingers were still fidgeting as he spoke. "I dream about a park, mostly. A big green park, in some colony. It's a familiar place and I feel happy when I see it."

"And you've never dreamed about that park before?"

He paused to think for a moment, until he finally mumbled, "I... I think I did. But not as frequently as I do now."

"What else?" She asked, her fingers tightening around his palm.

"I dream about fire, and fear and smoke. I see people in my dreams, people which I'm sure I know, which I love, but then when I wake up it makes no sense."

Nora nodded, her expression grave for some reason. "Do you suppose it's because of what I told you about Hikari?"

Heero shrugged helplessly and then shook his head. "No." he said, his heart beating faster, "It's not that, because... because in my dream I _know_ that I am Hikari."

Nora smiled sadly. "It's a very nice idea, Heero." she whispered, bowing her head sadly, "And I would have loved it if it was true." Inhaling deeply, she turned to face him. Her voice faltered with tears as she spoke. "But it can't be. I buried both my husband and my son. I ran my own hands over their burnt bodies. I covered their graves with dirt and ran my fingers over their tombstone. They were... they're dead, Heero. They died a long time ago."

Dejected and embarrassed, Heero sighed. He forced himself to chuckle, though his eyes glinted with tears. "It's a silly thought, I admit." He mumbled, his voice small and sheepish, "Absurd, even." he continued, feeling stupid for even considering the idea. He turned to face her, his blue eyes flooded with tears. Nevertheless, he smiled. "Though I wish badly that it was true."

Nora smiled back. "So do I, Heero." She whispered lovingly, tapping on his hand. "You are a very special person to me. I love you, and I want you to know that." she said, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it tight. "I know that you are not very fond of this 'mushy' talk, but... well, I think that even you need to hear it from time to time."

Heero chuckled/sobbed, and then sniffled. Nora leaned forward and gathered him into a tight hug. She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling his warm arms wrap around her. She guided his head to rest on her shoulder as well, her fingers stroking the soft brown strings like a mother soothing a child after a nightmare. Her blind blue eyes were also flooded with tears, and she buried her face in his neck, trying to hold back to sobs.

"I love you dearly, Heero. I want you to always remember that. Always." She whispered into his neck, holding him tighter. She could feel his arms squeeze back.

"I... I love you too, Nora." He whispered, his voice faltering and heavy with tears.

They remained locked in their embrace for a while longer, until both of them calmed. Heero sniffled once, and then got up, finally breaking off the embrace. His cheeks were damp with tears, but he smiled down at her nonetheless. She was also smiling shyly, a few tears still sliding down her pale cheeks. She looked terribly tired, he decided. With a heavy heart, he rose off the bed.

"You should get some sleep." He said hoarsely, his throat dry from crying. He raised the blanket so she could lie down. Nora nodded silently and he helped her lie down again. He pulled the blanket up to her neck, tucking her well under the soft quilt. Nora chuckled bitterly.

"It seems that the tables have turned." She commented, pulling one arm out of the blanket as she sunk her head deeper into the pillow. "I remember doing the same for you not so long ago."

Heero smiled sadly and reached for her hand, which rested on top of the blanket. "It was over a year ago." He informed her, his voice still heavy with emotions.

"Really?" she marveled, though her tone was sad, "So little time... it's just not enough..."

"Don't speak like that, Nora. It's not like you." He said, bending down so he could caress her cheek. He kissed her forehead lightly, his eyes shining. "Try to get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning." He whispered gently, slowly rising up. "I'm going to stay the night, so if you need anything, just call for me."

He picked up the tray from the nightstand and prepared to leave.

"Heero," Nora called after him, and he slowly turned around to face her.

"Yes?"

She smiled, a small knowing smile, and her blue eyes shone with some strange gleam. It was a sad glint, and yet it also seemed happy. Heero swallowed and took a step back towards the bed. "What is it, Nora?"

Her smiled widened, and she shook her head. "Nothing, Heero. Goodnight."

Confused, Heero nodded and mumbled a small "Goodnight" in return. He left the room and closed the door, leaving it half open. He spent the rest of the evening cleaning the kitchen and tending the rest of the apartment. He made a small trip up to his own place to shower and change. He called Duo to wish him goodnight and then returned to Nora's apartment. After checking up on her, he went to the bookshelf in the living room and took the old photograph out of the book. He looked at it for hours, until he fell asleep on the sofa, holding the old family photo.

When he came to wake Nora in the morning, she didn't wake up.

* * *


	5. part 5

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: 

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

* * *

**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART FIVE**

.....

The doors to the Emergency Room burst violently open, swinging wildly from side to side. Duo rushed into the ER, a haunted expression on his pale features. His hair was disheveled from running; long bangs tousled as he rushed down the hallway. His wide violet eyes scanned the waiting room, shifting hastily from one corner to another.

He spotted Heero sitting on a chair in the corner of the waiting room, huddled into himself. He was sitting with his heels resting on the chair, his knees drawn up to his chest. He was hugging his legs, his forehead pressed to his kneecaps, making him look like a small and miserable human ball. An ominous and melancholic cloud was hovering over the young man, raining invisible drops of anguish on his slumped form. Duo's heart ached at the sight, bleeding slowly into his ribcage.

He slowed his approach and took careful steps towards his lover. He stood before him, his features full of compassion as he looked down at the solemn young man. Heero didn't look up from where he was staring at the floor. His head was bowed, his numb blue eyes gazing dully at Duo's shoes.

"Heero." Duo called softly, trying to gain his attention. Heero didn't look up, so with a long sigh, Duo took a seat next to him. The two sat silently together, both looking at thin air. The silence stretched between them like a chasm. There were so many things Duo wanted to say, to ask, to know, but the words didn't come. Heero's silence rendered his own mouth speechless. All he could do was sit there and stare at the floor. He took a long moment to study his dark brown boots, and reached a half-hearted conclusion that they were butt-ugly. He shifted his eyes to look at Heero's white sneakers, and frowned. The two of them needed to do some serious shopping.

Sighing, he shook his head a little and closed his eyes. This was not the time to let his mind drift. He had to make Heero speak. There was a reason he rushed out of class in the middle of an important lecture. His Biology Professor will never forgive him for it, but Heero came first. When he heard his lover's shaking voice on the phone, his heart broke. Between sniffling, Heero asked him if he could come to the local hospital. He actually _asked_, as if the answer wasn't obvious.

Duo sighed and tilted his head back, looking up at the blinding florescent lights on the ceiling. He gazed dully at the ceiling, simply letting time tick by.

"She's dying." Heero finally whispered. His voice was numb, like he was commenting about something as trivial as the weather. Duo knew that he was in shock. He knew his lover too well. If the emotional blow was too much to deal with, he would just cut the cord connecting his heart to his body. He would shut the flood of emotion flowing through his veins and live on facts only. Cold logic would take over, slowly turning pain into plain and numb acceptance.

He wasn't going to let Heero do that. If he was in pain, he had to deal with it. No more running away. Heero made so much progress from his old, emotionally-cut-off self, and Duo wasn't going to sit back and watch him close his heart again.

"What did the doctors say?" He asked, forcing Heero to deal with it, to speak about it.

Heero sighed heavily, hugging his knees tighter. "It's cancer. Leukemia."

Duo winced. Leukemia. One of the few types of cancer the After Colony science was unable to cure. The dreaded Blood-Cancer was still an incurable disease that caused many casualties and pain.

Realization slowly dawned on him. His eyes widened in horror. "So all those times when she wasn't home..."

"Chemotherapy." Heero muttered, "She's been doing it for the past five months." His tone was cold, calculated. Speaking plain facts with no emotional attachment. Even though Duo knew that Heero was deeply hurt from being lied to, from being left out of the picture. He felt betrayed, tormenting himself with many painful questions. Why didn't Nora tell him? Wasn't he important enough? Didn't he matter?

Duo knew that Heero was answering all of his questions wrongly. He had to make him snap out of it, before the next blow will hit. And considering the two of them were sitting by the Intensive Care Unit, the next blow was soon to come.

"Shit." He cursed, looking away with a wince. The situation was grimmer than he had initially thought.

"She refused to receive treatment up until now." Heero mumbled into his knees, his head still bowed. "She wanted to die, Duo. She just... she wanted to die."

Heero's voice faltered, breaking with tears. Slowly but surely, his emotionless act dissolved into nothing. He couldn't shut out the tears. They came whether he wanted them or not. Duo could see him struggle to cut-off the emotional tidal wave, but failing miserably. His heart clenched painfully at the sight. Heero was trying so hard to be strong, but his heart wouldn't let him anymore. In a way, giving in to his emotions only made Heero look stronger. He wasn't afraid to cry anymore.

"I... I think about it, and it hurts. It hurts so much, because I... I know what it's like... seeking death in every opportunity. Feeling too obliged to living so you can't take your own life, but yet... jumping at the opportunity to die."

He turned to look up at Duo, his expression tormented. His blue eyes were large and vulnerable, a hot stream of tears leaking down his cheeks.

"She was in so much pain; all this time... there was so much pain in her heart, Duo... I could never ease it. No matter what I did."

"Heero, that's not true. I think you are the reason she chose to start chemotherapy. She wanted to live for you."

Heero sniffled, a flicker of doubt crossing his already confused features. "Then why didn't she tell me about it? I could have... I could have been there for her..."

"I don't know the answer to that, Heero. Only Nora does."

Heero sighed, looking away. "I know..."

"Mr. Yuy?" A timid voice called softly, as a young doctor came to stand in front of the two.

Heero looked up and hurried to stand on his feet. He wiped his tears away hastily, and turned to face the doctor. Duo got up as well and stood next to him. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Both young men turned anxious eyes at the doctor.

The young physician looked down at his notepad, leafing briefly through his notes. "We have your blood test results." He said, his soft brown eyes apologetic when he looked up at Heero.

Duo frowned in confusion. He turned to Heero with a questioning look. "What blood test?"

Heero sighed, casting his gaze down. "Nora needs a bone marrow transplant. I asked them to check if I'm suitable for a donation." He looked up at the doctor again, his gaze piercing. "We're incompatible, aren't we?"

The doctor's face covered with compassion. "I'm sorry, Mr. Yuy, but while your blood type does match your mother's, your bone marrow doesn't."

Heero's body stilled. He forze like a statue, his breath caught in his throat. Duo felt his lover tense, and tightened his hold around his shoulder. He turned to the doctor with an apologetic smile.

"There must be some mistake," he said slowly, "She is not his mother."

The doctor frowned, and looked down at his notes. "Are you sure?" he asked, leafing through his paperwork, "Because according to our tests results..." he turned another page, scanning it briefly, "...the DNA is a match." Closing, his notepad, he looked up at the two, his gaze confused. "Did I check the wrong patient?"

Duo whirled his head around to look at Heero. The young man was still frozen like stone. His expression was a frozen mask of shock and confusion. His eyes were unfocused, staring somewhere beyond the doctor.

"No, there's no mistake." Duo let out with a sigh, turning back to the confused physician. "She is his mother."

While he still seemed confused, the doctor nodded once and then left, mumbling a small "I'm sorry."

Duo didn't tear his eyes off Heero, studying his shocked features with great concern.

"Heero, are you all right?" He asked carefully, placing a gentle hand over his lover's limp palm. Heero's arms were dangling lifelessly at his side, his fists clenched and trembling ever so slightly. He was gazing far ahead, a numb and distant look in his eyes. His lips slowly moved as he mumbled, "I... I need to sit down."

"Sure." Duo complied, guiding Heero gently towards the small plastic chair. Heero's movements were stiff and slow. His dazed blue eyes were unfocused even when he moved to sit down. He didn't look where he was going, trusting Duo's hands to guide him safely. When he was finally seated, his body making contact with the cold plastic chair, he flinched, blinking. A few tears that were flooding his eyes were swept away by his long eyelashes. He took a trembling breath, his back shaking, and buried his face in his hands.

Duo watched as his lover bent forward, curling into himself, hiding his face in his hands. He listened as Heero drew long deep breaths, trying to calm down. He rubbed his back soothingly, trying to ease the small trembles that trailed up and down Heero's back. He leaned his head carefully atop of Heero's, raising another hand to caress the soft brown hair. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and took a moment to just drown in Heero's scent.

"Shush..." he whispered softy, running his hand gently through Heero's fine hair, "Shhh..."

"She... she knew..." Heero mumbled into his hands, his voice breaking with tremors. "She lied to me..."

"Heero, please..." Duo begged, "don't torment yourself over this. It's not--"

"She's my mother, Duo." Heero cut in, his voice harder than before, his gaze intense.

Confused, Duo pulled back and looked at Heero, waiting for him to speak. He watched as Heero slowly put his arms down, and raised his head. He turned to face Duo, his blue eyes burning fiercely despite the tears that slid down his cheeks. Heero closed his eyes slowly, and when he opened them again they were suddenly full of wonder. The sudden change was shocking to watch, causing Duo to blink as well. He looked at Heero, his gaze astonished, as the Japanese boy's lips lifted slowly in a smile. His blue eyes sparkled when he looked at Duo and said, "I have a mother."

Duo didn't know how to respond, his lover was obviously in a state of shock, so the only response he could think of was to smile back. It faltered.

.....

Heero walked into Nora's hospital room, slowly closing the door behind him. He took a moment to just breathe, before he turned around to face the room. The sight revealed to him was not a pleasant one at all. Nora was lying slumped on the bed, looking paler than the sheets themselves. The thin blue sheets cascaded over her body in gentle folds, lingering to her form like a second skin. They traced her figure, the gentle curves of her body, which made her look so small and fragile. She looked like a corpse, lying under the pale blue sheets.

Heero swallowed and forced his numb feet to step forward. He made his way slowly to the bed, his breath catching in his throat when he finally reached her bedside. Looking down at her, his eyes filled with tears once more.

She was paler than she had been the night before, dark bags under her eyes. She appeared to be sleeping, her eyes closed so that her gentle eyelashes kissed her cheeks. Her eyes seemed large and swollen, too big all of a sudden. Her lush brown hair was gathered in a thick braid, which lay sprawled over her shoulder, reaching as far down as her knees. The lush brown color looked out of place in the sea of pale blue, white and gray. It was almost surreal. He reached down to brush the tip of his fingers over the length of her thick braid. He wanted to make sure that it was still there.

Nora moaned lightly, her face contracting in pain. Heero's heart skipped a beat and he withdrew his hand. He turned to watch her face again, his blood-shot eyes taking her sight again, in small doses because it was too much to watch. He noted that a few stray hairs obscured her features, touching her nose and cheeks. Her pale lips were parched, slightly open to draw breath. There was an oxygen tube under her nose, and when he looked down he spotted an IV needle sneaking under her skin.

His legs were shaking, he felt as if he was about to collapse. He reached for a small wooden chair that stood by the bed and drew it closer. It made a loud creaking sound as its legs scrapped over the floor. The sound was too loud in the deathly silence, it made Heero flinch. He sat down carefully, trying not to make any more noise.

With a faltering breath, he turned back to face the bed. His eyes were drawn to where Nora's pale and slender fingers were lying limply against the blue covers. He reached a hesitant hand for hers, carefully taking the fragile palm into his own hand. His sad blue eyes relished lengthily in the sight of their hands entwined. His callous bronze skin mixed with her pale and smooth one. His hand was slightly bigger than hers. He could remember a time when his hand was so small that it could still fit perfectly into his mother's palm. It was one of those few childhood images that lingered to his brain, the way his mommy held his hand, how his small palm looked when it was swallowed by those larger, gentle, loving fingers. How those same fingers caressed him gently, tracing his face, playing with his hair.

His hold tightened around Nora's fragile palm. It was this hand. It was Nora's hand. His mother's hand. Those were the same fingers, the same feeling he got when they touched him, tracing over his face. They always trailed over his features, always trying to create an image of him somehow. His eyes flooded with more tears at the realization. The pearly tears slid down to his lashes and lingered there when he realized that Nora never saw his face. His mother didn't know what he looked like.

He sniffled, turning away from her as he closed his eyes, willing the tears to stop. A sudden movement of Nora's fingers made him halt in his attempt. He felt her fingers curl tightly around his hand, and sniffling, he turned to face her.

Those blind blue eyes were looking straight at him, full of love and compassion. She was awake, and she was smiling at him.

"Shh, Heero... please don't cry." She whispered soothingly, her voice hoarse and rough with sickness. She squeezed his hand tightly, slightly rocking it from side to side.

Heero chuckled, or perhaps sobbed, coughing out a bitter sound. How could she always tell what he felt? What he was thinking? How did she know?

He took a moment to relax and calm his breathing, until he finally looked up at her. Through a blurry screen of tears, he asked, "You know?"

Nora's smile faltered a bit, and she nodded slowly. "Yes." She let out weakly, turning away from him to face the other way. "I've known for a while now."

It took him a few moments to absorb the information. It was a while before he was able to speak over the lump in his throat. His heart ached badly. "Since when?"

Nora sighed, closing her eyes sadly. Her hold on his hand did not lose its strength though. It tightened. "I've known about the cancer for over a year," she said, sighing, "and about you..." She smiled, finally turning to face him. "I think I always knew, somehow... or at least, I wished that it was so." She let out a bitter chuckle, shaking her head slightly. "No, that's absurd, isn't it? How could I have known? But still, when you told me about your dreams... I didn't need anymore confirmation."

He was confused, and hurt. Maybe even scared. He fought to keep his hands from trembling, though he knew that she could sense it anyway. Leaning back in his seat, he took a few long breaths, trying to keep himself from suffocating with anguish, anger and confusion. Most of all there was confusion. Why didn't she tell him if she knew?

"Why deny it? Why didn't you tell me when I asked you?" He asked, his voice hurt and he wasn't trying to hide it. He will hide nothing from her, he hardly ever did. It hurt to know that she kept so many things hidden from him. He felt so unworthy of her, so worthless in aiding her. While she was healing his heart for the past year, he was only adding to her pain. He was a shameful son. A mother's nightmare.

His fist clenched tightly around her hand. She didn't even wince. Instead, she reached another, trembling, hand and laid it gently over their two palms. She caressed his palm softly, her fingers trailing up and down his slender wrist, lightly petting his forearm.

"Heero," she whispered quietly, her voice shaking with unborn tears, "I knew that I was dying and I... didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to lose me again."

Anger. He didn't know where it came from, or why. He was angry all of a sudden. He wanted to grab her roughly and shake some sense into her. Her thinking was twisted! It was more distorted than his own!

"What difference does it make?!" He hissed angrily, yanking his hand out of her grasp. "I'm losing you as it is! Does it really matter if you are my mother or not?! It makes no difference to me! Why didn't you tell me about the cancer?! Dammit, Nora! Why didn't you... don't you trust me?"

The anger dissolved. He didn't have the strength to be angry. He didn't really think that he should be. He was wrong for bursting at her like that. He couldn't help it; he hoped that she understood that. There were so many emotions inside him right now, he felt as if his heart was about to burst. It hurt so much, that inner turmoil, he wanted to cry and scream and laugh at the same time. He was too exhausted to do any of it.

Sighing heavily, he slumped back into his seat, burying his face in his hands. "I could have been there for you... I wanted to... I've always wanted to be there for you, as you were there for me..." He mumbled, his voice muffled for he was speaking into his palms. His voice was shaking with tears again. Damn, traitorous liquid. It never stopped pouring out of his eyes. The more pain pumped through his heart and into his veins, the more salty tears he poured. His heart grew soft over the past year. It didn't take pain too well; it didn't hold the capacity to hold it in anymore. It hurt so much...

"I'm sorry..." He cried, shaking his head slowly as more tears poured into his hands. "I never knew what to say or do, Nora... I... I wanted to... I wanted you to be able to depend on me, like I do on you... I'm sorry... I... I let you down... I'm so sorry..."

"Heero." Nora spoke, sitting up. Her voice was surprisingly strong, harsh even. It left no room for arguments. Sniffling, Heero slowly took his arms down, and looked at her. Fat tears were still sliding down his cheeks, and his blue eyes were shimmering under the florescent light of the room. Nora's blue eyes were directed straight at him again. She knew him so well she could always guess where to point her blind gaze. Her gaze was intense, her blue eyes burning fiercely despite their blindness. Heero couldn't help but feel that she was angry with him. This is it. This is when she tells him she is ashamed to have him as a son. Such a worthless, shameful, useless son.

"Heero, I'm the one at wrong here." She said with a sigh, bowing her head in shame and slumping her shoulders. Her hands were lying limply over her lap, which made her look like a rebuked child.

"I thought... I thought I could get over it, somehow. I didn't want to worry you, Heero. You have enough on your mind as it is." She admitted shamefully, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I guess it's part of my nature. I always want to be the strong one, I always want to prove myself, even if it's only to myself." She sighed, and turned to face him again, opening a pair of tearful blue eyes. "I'm so sorry, Heero. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I wanted to tell you so many times, but then I though... why trouble you? Why torment you further? I can get through this... somehow... I really thought that I could get over it."

Again that tight ball of anger, deep in the pits of his stomach. "Get over it?! Nora, this is not the flu we are talking about! This is cancer! Dammit, Nora! You are so stubborn!" One minute he was crying and the next he was shouting. He felt drained.

And now she was smiling at him, a hint of amusement was sparkling weakly in her eyes. "At least you know where you got your own stubbornness from."

He wanted to be angry again, but he couldn't. He found himself smiling slightly, and then shaking his head in a rebuking way. "This is not funny. I'm not laughing." He muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose as his lover often did in such a situation.

"No... no you're not." She mumbled, turning away.

Silence fell, and settled for a while. It was so quiet Heero could hear the low humming of the florescent lights, along with the natural background noise of the hospital life. He wondered if Duo was doing okay in the waiting room. He hoped he wasn't worrying his lover too much. Just this weekend the three of them were sitting by the dinner table at Nora's apartment, enjoying a friendly board game after a quiet dinner. Duo paired with Nora (to help her due to her blindness) and the two played against him. They won and he moped, and all in all they had a great time. There was a smile on his face the whole evening. It felt as if it had been over an eternity ago, but the memory did manage to calm him. He took a deep breath, and turned back to Nora. To his... to his mother.

He wanted to try and say it. Could he really? Should he? Maybe just once, to taste it on his lips. Just once...

With a faltering breath, he reached for her hand again, cupping her palm with both of his. He turned to look at her, leaning closer to the bed. She turned her head to face him, her expression confused.

"Heero?"

He tried to say it, but it didn't come out. His mouth was dry. He licked his lips and tried again. "M-mother." He said, and it felt so terribly awkward. Misplaced. The term didn't belong, didn't apply here. It felt alien on his lips, like he had never called anyone by that title.

Nevertheless, Nora smiled, her amusement clearly showing. She flipped her hand over to return his hold, squeezing his hand lightly. "Oh, Heero," she called in sympathy, "you don't have to force yourself to call me that. I understand." She smiled, and bent forward to kiss his forehead. The touch of her lips was still warm, like he knew a mother's kiss should be. "I don't think I can start calling you Hikari. Even if you are my son... you're Heero now. This is what your life had shaped you into. I'm not going to change that."

He smiled back for some reason, relieved. "It would be quite a hassle to change my name after finally acquiring a citizenship." He joked, surprised by how his mood lightened. She had this affect on him, this woman. She always made his heart feel lighter, no matter how grave the situation was. Was that what being someone's son felt like? Was this what it felt like to be by your mother's side? Yes. Yes it did. To him, at least.

"Besides," she added with a smirk too much like his own, "you never called me 'mother'. You didn't speak a word of English when you were little!" she chuckled, as if caressed by a pleasant memory. "Hayashi and I spoke Japanese at home, and that's what we taught you. We agreed on teaching you English when you turned three... it's an excellent age to learn new languages." Her shoulders slumped all of a sudden, and her cheerful tone slowly faded. Sadness was shining in her eyes again. "I guess... I guess you learned on your own..." She mumbled sadly, bowing her head in order to hide her tears.

Heero suddenly realized that he had only seen her cry once. While he had shed many tears on her shoulder, this was only the second time he had seen her cry. His heart was filled with pain and admiration for this woman. She was so strong and yet... she was always so alone. He ached to take her pain away, absorb it all into him with a hug. He climbed on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, pulling the shaking woman into a warm embrace. He guided her head to rest on his shoulder, and pressed his cheek to the top of her head. He inhaled the scent of her hair into his lungs, and let her pour all of her misery into him. He held her tightly as she cried, wrapping her arms around him also. She clung to him tightly; locking her arms around his waist in a powerful, desperate, grip.

She began apologizing between sobs, choking out incoherent apologies as she cried. She apologized for not being there for him, saying she was sorry for all the pain he'd been through, for all the horrors he had seen. She cried harder and harder as she began to bring up events of his past, bits and pieces of what he had told her about the training, the war, the pain. She apologized for each and every one of those times. For each time he suffered and she was not there.

Heero kept silent, looking ahead numbly as he listened to her cry and remind him of each painful experience, each time another part of his soul was torn away and shattered. It didn't hurt when he thought about it. There was just numb acceptance. It was in the past, he was healed. Thanks to her, he was healed. So at some point he stopped listening and just stroked her hair, his fingers toying with the tip of her long, thick, braid. He closed his eyes and let himself sink into the sensations around him. Her warm body, the sound of her silent whimpering, the feeling of her warm tears soaking his dark blue shirt. The softness of her hair, the thick width of her braid. It was much thicker than Duo's. It had a completely different feeling to it. It was softer somehow, warmer in some bizarre way. It felt heavy between his fingers, such a pleasantly familiar weight in his hand. A memory suddenly came to him, and he smiled. He remembered when his hand was so small he couldn't wrap it around the entire diameter of her braid.

Opening his eyes, he drew back a little so he could bend his head and kiss her hair. He placed a gentle kiss at the top of her head. She sniffled loudly and raised her head up. He offered another kiss to her forehead and then gently parted with her.

"I'm okay." He whispered, looking down into her eyes. "I made it out okay." He repeated, watching her tearful eyes shimmer in uncertainty. "Don't feel sorry for my hardship. None of it was your fault." He assured her, his voice warm and gentle as he spoke.

Her lips trembled, she was about to speak. He silenced her with his finer.

"No." he whispered, "We will not discuss this. It is not open for discussion." He carefully got off the bed and helped her lie down. "I want you to sleep, Nora. You exhausted yourself." He tucked her in, raising the pale blue blanket up and covering her gently. She lay silently, simply letting him tend to her. There were a few more tears sliding silently down her cheeks, but her eyes were clearer now, focused and bright. They were looking straight at him again, as if able to see him somehow. She was looking up at him like a curious child.

Heero bent down and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight." He whispered, while holding her hand gently. "I'm going to have a few words with your doctor and then come back. Try to get some sleep." He was about to let go of her hand and walk away; when he felt her fingers curl tightly around him. Confused, he turned back to her. "I'll be back." He promised, trying to sooth her.

But she wasn't distressed. She was smiling. Her intense blue eyes were looking at him brightly. And that smile... it lighted her face even more. "You're so handsome..." She whispered blissfully, tears flooding her eyes. "Just like your father..." Her hand went limp in his grasp, and she was asleep. Heero continued standing there for a few more moments, completely dazed.

.....

For the following weeks, Heero didn't get to see much of the world outside the hospital. He was always by Nora's side, through chemotherapy sessions, doctor examinations, or simply sitting by her hospital bed while she slept. The medical staff in the ward had learned fairly quickly that the visiting hours did not apply to him. All they had to see was the look in his eyes and that was enough to suggest that the young man should be left alone, by his mother's side. He fed her when she was too weak to move, and he cleaned after her when she was too nauseous to eat. He read to her to pass the time, and held her hand when pain attacked her in the middle of the night.

He asked her to tell him about her past, for he never grew tired of it. He asked many questions, about his father, what was he like and how the two of them met. He asked about his grandparents, about both sides of the family. He asked about her life after his supposed death and the loss of her husband. He wanted to know everything.

When she was too tired to speak, it was his turn to talk. He would talk about the lighter memories he had from his life. Of the way Odin Lowe used to play hide-and-seek with him sometimes, and about the time when he taught him how to read. He told her about the first time he saw his Gundam and was stunned by the sheer size of it that he froze in his spot and couldn't move. And about the nights he spent on the road with Trowa and his circus, how he met many bizarre and interesting people there. He told her about the forming of his friendship with Duo, and about the only time he ever danced with a girl.

She would lie slumped in her bed, eyes closed, but listening to his every word. She would smile when she noted that he was speaking of a particularly sweet memory, and she would tense when he told something suspenseful, like a certain battle or a mission he thought he'd never live through.

Duo came to visit from time to time, each time carrying a present for her and Heero as well. He brought many amusing gizmos; silly toys and gadgets she could play with, using only her fingers for you didn't need the gift of sight to enjoy such silly gifts. Sometimes he brought Heero a book or a box of chocolates, maybe even a silly gift like a slinky or a little Transformer™ action figure. Anything to make the two of them smile. He would sit with them for a few hours, sometimes keeping Nora company while Heero went home for a few hours to shower and get some shuteye. He was spending most of his time in the hospital, getting little sleep in insufficient nutrition.

The University began sending him notices by mail after about two months of his absence. They queried about his health and reminded him, more than a few times, that he had finales coming up. When he missed the first test, he got another notice, and then another and another. They began sending him warnings that he will not be applied for the next semester and he will lose his post-military scholarship. Duo was kind enough to go take care of things for Heero, and after a long session with the dean it was agreed that Heero would be able to take the exams in a later occasion.

All in all Heero was keeping his act together somehow. He lived from one moment to another, dreading the mere thought of what will come next. He escorted Nora into chemo, waited until it was over and then the two somehow made it through the rest of the day. He became used to the routine, as much as it hurt him to admit it. He could hardly remember anything else but green walls and pale blue sheets. When his lover came to visit, it looked so unreal. Duo's bright and cheerful personality didn't fit into his world anymore. It was like a fleeting dream, coming in and out every now and then. And so it happened that as time went by and Nora slowly lost her health and good looks, Heero's humanity also began to fade. On some days, he looked like nothing more of his own shadow.

He reached his breaking point on the day the doctor informed him that they shaved Nora's hair off. His mother's hair had been molting rapidly, and she asked them to shave it off. The doctor warned Heero of the sudden change before the young man entered Nora's hospital room. Duo, who was standing behind Heero, watched his lover's face in concern. Heero's pale and haggard features didn't seem the slightest bit affected by the doctor's words. He simply accepted it with a curt nod, and walked into the room.

His resolve died the moment he saw her small, white, bald head resting against the pillow. Her eyes looked even larger now, sunken deeply into her skull. He held on for as long as he could before he ran out of the room and straight into Duo's arms. He collapsed onto his lover and wept like a child, his entire figure shaking as Duo held him tight. It took a few more efforts and Duo's arms around him to help him walk back to Nora's bedside. It was from that day on that Heero's Prussian blue eyes were always filled with tears.

Duo couldn't bear to see his lover like this anymore. He would stand there, leaning against the door in Nora's hospital room, and watch his lover sit slumped on a chair by her bed, holding her hand. His back was always bent, his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. He was a shadow of his old self, the strong, proud and hopeful young man who used to smile at him each time they met. A smile that would bring a rosy shade to his cheeks and a bright light to his beautiful eyes. There was only gray, black and white in Heero's features. He always looked tired, famished and miserable. He rarely ate, he never seemed to sleep for more than an hour or two, and his eyes were always tearful. He resembled a ghost, mourning over its lost life.

Duo could take it no more. Not that he blamed Heero for being in such a gloom. He imagined he would be the same if he would gain and lose someone he loves at the same day. But it still hurt to see his lover so down. Heero was not taking care of himself, and it was unacceptable in Duo's eyes. So after three months, Duo decided he had enough. Instead of bearing gifts on his visit, he came and announced, to both Heero and Nora, that he is taking Heero home, to get some rest.

Nora didn't argue. She nodded slowly, her eyes thankful. Duo gathered that she understood his motives, and she agreed with them. Heero needed to be out of the hospital for a while.

Heero protested of course, claiming to be "just fine". Duo didn't bother with arguing. He ordered Heero to get out of the room and walk with him to the car. His tone left no room for arguments, he meant business. Heero was rendered speechless by the intense look in his lover's eyes. He was too tired to argue anyway. Like with anything else he had done lately, he simply accepted. Without a word, he got off his creaky chair, forcing his cramped muscles to follow Duo into the car.

When they arrived to his apartment, Heero noted thankfully that his sofa/bed was made and the apartment was clean. Duo had been taking care of things, as always. He headed straight to bed, not even showering, and collapsed on top of the thick mattress. He inhaled the clean smell of the fresh sheets, taking their scent deeply into his lungs. He had gotten used to sheets that smelled of antiseptic and sickness. The smell of Lavender Laundry Softener was a welcomed change.

Closing his eyes, he kicked his shoes off using only his feet, and then buried himself under the sweetly cool covers. It was summer time and the air was hot. The hospital was always cooled by the scentless air conditioning, but here in his apartment there was only the cool breeze that entered through the main window. It carried the scent of flowers into the apartment as it brushed over Heero with a caress.

"How long has it been since you last slept?" Duo's bittersweet voice reached his ears from somewhere behind.

With his eyes still closed, he mumbled into the pillow, "...about sixty hours..."

"Christ." Duo muttered, shaking his head as he walked over to the sofa/bed. "Go to sleep, Heero."

"I'm so tired, I can't fall asleep." Heero slurred tiredly into his pillow, his words coming out more like a moan than a sentence.

Duo climbed on the bed. "Bullshit. You're already half asleep." He said softly, lying down next to Heero. He laid his head on the pillow next to Heero's, and since his lover was sprawled gracelessly over %85 of the bed, he had to curl at the edge of the small mattress. He sighed and turned his gaze towards Heero, studying the way the light from the window touched Heero's bangs, which lay sprawled all over his face and pillow. Some long bangs reached as far down as his mouth, and they moved up and down when Heero mumbled that, "I'll have nightmares."

Duo's heart clenched in pain for a moment, before he reached a hand down between their bodies, and took Heero's limp hand in his. "No you won't. I'm here." He assured him with a soothing whisper, using his thumb to caress Heero's inner palm.

Heero remained motionless, lying heavily against the mattress as his body relaxed. His eyes were still closed, obscured by his bangs. His dry lips slightly parted after a moment or two. Duo was certain that he fell asleep, so he closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax we well.

"Does it bother you that we..." Heero suddenly spoke, his voice heavy with sleep, "that we only had sex once?"

Duo opened his eyes, a shade of confusion trailing like a cloud over his violet eyes. "What do you mean?" He asked, unsure.

Heero sighed, shrugging his shoulders briefly against the mattress. His eyes were still closed. "We've been together for nearly eight months, and we only made love to each other once." His voice was more coherent now, which suggested how important the topic was for him. He opened his eyes, and looked straight into Duo's. "I want to know if it bothers you."

Duo was still stunned by the question, so it took him a moment to respond. When he finally did, he smiled. His eyes shone warmly as he looked at Heero with a kind smile. "No, Heero. It doesn't bother me. I guess it just... makes it more special."

Heero frowned, small wrinkles forming on his forehead, where his messy bangs allowed one to actually see it. "But other couples..."

"We're not other couples, we're us." Duo cut in before Heero could finish what he was saying. "And we do whatever suits us." His smile grew, and he squeezed Heero's hand, which he was still holding. He bent forward to kiss Heero gently on the lips, and then turned to look deeply into his tired blue eyes. "I understand that you are not in the mood for this right now, and to be honest, neither am I." He gave Heero another quick kiss on the nose. "Now don't trouble yourself with this any further and go to sleep, all right?" He added another little kiss just for good measure and then returned to lie against his own pillow.

Heero smiled, his eyes shining with gratitude. He didn't say another word, simply closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

.....

Duo only managed to sleep for a total of five hours. When he woke up, Heero was still sound asleep, snoring softly into his pillow. After a while of just gazing adoringly at him, Duo got up and began tending the apartment. When he was done cleaning, he went out on some errands, buying their weekly groceries, doing the laundry and the likes. He then came back to shower and change into Heero's blue/white/pink uniforms. He made sure that Heero was sleeping deeply and then silently left the apartment.

He took the bus to the diner where Heero worked and greeted Malcolm on the way in. He then did what he had been doing for each week for the past three months, without Heero's knowing. He covered for him at work. He felt bad for hiding this from Heero, but he knew that his lover would never let him do it any other way. He would feel bad for having Duo do things for him. Only that Duo did it gladly, he knew how much Heero needed the money. He decided to tell Heero about this when it was all over. Hopefully he will understand.

When his six-hours shift was done, Duo bid his farewell to his temporary boss and fellow worker, and made his way out of the diner. On the way home he stopped by the university and began searching for Heero's lecturers from each and ever course, as well as a few classmates he knew shared a certain course with Heero. They all knew the routine and what Duo came for. He was there to photocopy their notes and gather new assignments from the various doctors and professors.

He'd been doing this for a while now, ever since he had that talk with the dean regarding Heero's scholarship. One of the terms were that if Heero did not attend any lectures, hand in assignments and take the exams, he should at least keep himself in the loop and catch up with his classes every now and then. He had all the assignments due at the end of the next semester, or he will not be allowed to continue his studying. Duo hoped that Heero would be able to catch up with everything until then.

After about two hours of roaming the university halls and library, Duo paid a short visit to his dorm. He took an hour to simply rest, then did some reading on a few texts he had to go through. Without another wasted second, he packed an overnight bag, throwing various things into a large duffle. He had all of his necessities at Heero's apartment, but the bag he was packing now had a different purpose. Duo Maxwell had a certain plan in mind.

When he arrived back to Heero's place, Duo shoved his heavy duffle into the trunk of his car, which he left parked by Heero's building. He entered the small apartment and found that his lover was still asleep, as he had been for the last fifteen hours. Sighing heavily, Duo set to work to make dinner. He was sure that Heero would wake up soon, and he would be hungry. His lover hadn't been eating properly for a few weeks now, and he set his mind on making him a large, nutritious meal.

He worked hard, cutting vegetables, boiling rice, stirring the soup. His feet ached after a long day, but he allowed himself no rest. It was his way of hiding and running. He worked hard and left himself no room for thinking. No time to collapse. If he just kept going, a little longer, by and by, somehow he'll make it. Just keep going. Don't think. Just keep going. It was the same during the war and the same applied for his entire life. Just keep going. Keep busy. Don't think. Keep running. Keep running. He had to be strong. Just a little longer and it will be over. Just a little longer.

His movements were brutal as he used a large knife to chop some pieces of beef. His hands moved hastily as he threw it in a wok and stirred it. The silent apartment was filled with the sound of cooking. The sizzling and crackling of various foods. The silence was beginning to bother him, but he didn't want to turn the radio on and wake Heero. The boy needed his sleep. So he worked quietly, trying to tell himself that those were not tears in his eyes. It was that damn onion.

But when he was done cooking, he found himself sitting by the miniature kitchen table, with barely enough room for one, surrounded by silence. There was nothing left to do. He did everything he could think of. And now, sitting here alone, in silence, he had no choice but to admit that those were indeed tears stinging his eyes. He didn't even use onion!

He sat slumped in a small plastic chair, completely powerless to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. He was exhausted; lying sprawled on the chair like a rag doll, shedding silent tears. In his hands, he held a few small pieces of paper, torn out of a yellow notepad. They were recopies. Recipes written in Nora's neat and stylish handwriting. A blind woman's writing. It made him cry even harder as he clutched the papers tightly. They only reminded him of how strong she was, how similar to Heero she was. She never gave up. She never let life beat her down. She was blind, yes, but that didn't stop her from writing these recipes for Heero. She was so strong in everything she did. And now... now she was... she was dying... she was losing that strength so quickly... so ungracefully. It hurt him so much to think about it. And as she withered away, Heero withered as well. It made Duo cry even harder.

He curled into himself, folding his body on the chair and buried his face between his knees. He began to sob quietly, each sob like a restrained cough. He was trying to keep silent, he didn't want to wake Heero, but it was hard to keep the sobs away. The tears overwhelmed him. He never cries, he just runs and hides. No. It was a good time to cry. He should cry now, before Heero awakes. He had to cry now, so he could be stronger later on. He had to be strong. Strong for Heero. Heero needed him right now. And the only way for him to get stronger is to help Heero be strong. If he will help Heero, he will help himself. It was better to cry now. Tomorrow he had plans of smiling, because tomorrow, he was going to make Heero smile. They'll keep each other strong that way. The way they always do.

.....

That evening, before Heero woke up from his long sleep, Duo went to visit Nora. With a heavy sigh, he walked into Nora's hospital room and closed the door behind him.

"Heero?" Her tired voice reached his ears even before he turned away from the door. He took two steps forward and opened his mouth, about to tell her whom he was. She beat him to it.

"Duo. What are you doing here? Where's Heero?"

Duo halted, and bowed his head down so he could look at his shoes. A brand new pair of black & white Nikes™. He bought them two days ago. How could she recognize his footsteps so quickly? With a frown, he shook that thought away and walked over to the bed.

"I ordered him to stay home and rest." He explained in a quite voice, pulling out a chair so he could sit by her bed.

"Has he eaten anything? He hardly ever eats anymore." Nora asked, rolling over to lie on her side so she could face him. Duo did his best to ignore her bald head, and nodded his head slowly. After a moment, he reconsidered and provided a verbal answer.

"I've become quite handy around the kitchen." He tried to say as lightly as possible, though his voice still came out bitter, even to his own ears. "And I always threaten to shove my cooking down his throat if he doesn't eat willingly."

Nora chuckled, and then coughed. "You two are such a strange couple." She smiled at him, her eyes shining weakly. "You're perfect for each other."

Duo cleared his throat in a nervous gesture and hurried to turn his blushing face away from her intense blind eyes. He looked over the small table by her bed, and then down at a small bag he had brought in with him. "Would you like me to read for you?" He asked as he pulled a book out of his bag.

"Sure, I'd like that." She said, closing her eyes and settling more comfortably into her bed. "I love the sound of your voice."

Again he was blushing. She had the unique talent of embarrassing him to the point where he wanted to bury his head in the ground. Like that one time when she asked him (while Heero was nowhere around them) who was the dominant one in their relationship. He nearly had a nosebleed then!

"Which book have you got for me this time?" She asked, already eager to know. Duo had a great taste in books; she always enjoyed the books he picked. She closed her eyes and relaxed her aching body; opening her mind in anticipation for the flow of images his amiable voice will bring to her mind. He had just the right tone and manner to tell stories. His reading could truly make a book come to life.

Opening a thick book, Duo cleared his throat and then read the title. "The Never-ending Story, by Michael Ende."

Nora giggled silently, opening her eyes. "A children's book?!"

Duo scowled at her. "It is not a children's book. Far from it." He protested, waving a finger at her. "Besides, I recommended this book to Heero a while ago and he happened to like it. A _lot_."

"All right, all right." Nora said, still smiling. "I'd love to hear it. Go on."

"Right." He muttered, turning back to the book.

She listened to his voice tell the tale of a boy, who entered a book and experienced a world of magic. Duo was right. This book was one that let the imagination run free. It didn't matter if you were blind or not, the sights described in the book were so extraordinary that you could only see them using your imagination. She let his voice guide her up and away on the wings of imagination, letting her get lost in a magical tale. But somewhere between Duo's honey-like voice and the sights her mind was flooded with, Nora began to zone out a little. She drifted elsewhere, leaving the sight of purple meadows and enchanted forests, and flying towards somewhere else. It was like a part of her mind was left listening to Duo, while another one detached from her body and took a trip elsewhere, far away from that day, that age, that place.

She could see. Her eyes could see. It was so bright. She was standing in a large, stylish kitchen. The windows were open, allowing bright light to pour into the kitchen and paint the colorful wallpaper with an even brighter shade. The light blue wallpaper was decorated with small yellow flower and orange dots. The sight overwhelmed her. There was so much color. Turning around she drank the sight of the kitchen hungrily, from the yellowish cupboards, the creamy countertop and the shiny, polished wooden floor. This was a good house, very fancy. Whoever lived here made a lot of money.

The edges of the kitchen were a little murky, like covered with fog. It slowly cleared, and so did her confusion. When she could finally see the large dining table at the corner of the kitchen, she suddenly knew to whom the house belonged. She had lived in it for almost ten years now, ever since Hayashi got his promotion.

At the corner of the kitchen, at each side of the grand dinner table, stood two large windows, overlooking the garden. Green trees and soft yellow light created a game of light and shadow outside the window, casting soft silhouettes over the polished wooden table. A large mug of thick black coffee was raising steam up in the air as it sat by a full plate at the head of the table. There were three plates in total, all of them waiting for their guests. Her husband should be coming down soon.

And just as she thought of her husband, he came down the stairs leading to the upper floor (it was a three story house) and entered the kitchen. He was already leafing through his morning paper, which got delivered to him every morning, scanning it from behind his fashionable glasses. He was wearing a dark blue business suit, looking as handsome as the day she first saw him. He smiled at her as he walked to the dinning table, and she smiled back. Breakfast was already served to the table, and all she had left to do was take the bread out of the toaster. She placed it in a decorated blue bowl, straightened her lavender dress and walked to the table.

Hayashi was already sipping his coffee when she took a seat at the table. They exchanged glances for a moment, smiling at each other, before turning to enjoy a quiet meal together.

"Smells delicious." Her husband commented with a smile as he put his newspaper down and turned to examine his breakfast. He looked up at his wife, and then glanced to the left, at the empty plate waiting there, along with a large glass full of orange juice. He turned back to his wife with a questioning look. "Where's—"

He didn't even finish his sentence when their son walked into the kitchen. The handsome teen flashed them a bright smile as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair. He was dressed sloppily, his school jacket hanging loosely over his shoulders, his shirt tucked out of his pants. She knew without him saying so that he overslept. Still he manages to look radiant and cheerful in the morning. His lovely smile lighted his features and went deeply into his blue eyes. He was a charmer, her son. The ladies fell at his feet for just that heavenly smile of his.

"Ohayou!" He greeted his parents with a playful voice, and took his seat at the table. Without further a due, he gulped his organe juice down.

"Hikari!" She rebuked him, a scowl on her face though she was extremely amused. "Slow down!"

It was too late for he was already finished. He placed the glass on the table and gave out a small chuckle. "Sorry mom." He apologized, his cobalt eyes shining with mischief.

"I sure hope you won't behave like this at the ball tomorrow." Hayashi muttered, shaking his head before turning to his newspaper.

"What ball? You said I didn't have to go anymore!" Hikari whined in his own unique teenager way, pouting his lips before he turned to face her. She couldn't help but chuckle. He was sixteen-years-old and still as cute as he was the day he was born!

"Mom! Tell him! He said I didn't have to go to another stupid party!"

"Now, now, Hikari," she began to sooth him gently, "just this time. You know how important this is to your father's job. All of the ambassadors will be brining their children along."

Hikari snorted and rolled his eyes. "Great! Another stupid OZ-kiss-up party... _sweet_." He scowled angrily, crossing his hands over his chest. "This is unfair," he accused, "I promised Duo I'll come over tonight!"

Something wasn't right. Who was Duo? Wait. She knew who Duo was. He was Heero's lover. Heero? Yes, Heero. There was no Hikari. There was Heero. He was her son. His name was Heero. But Heero was not sixteen... he was almost twenty by now. Then why...? Because it wasn't real. A dream. She must have fallen asleep. It was a dream. Too bad, though. It felt so real... For a moment she felt so happy to be a part of her son's life. To have him as a kid again, just for a brief while... She was sure that Hayashi would have loved it too...

"...ora? Nora? Are you all right? Nora?"

Duo's voice slowly sipped into her consciousness. He sounded worried. She opened her eyes, expecting to see him leaning over her, but there was only black. Of course there was only black. Only her dreams had color. She suddenly wondered how he looked like. She didn't have the nerve to ask him, but once she asked Heero about it, and her son chuckled lightly before assuring her that his lover is as sexy as he sounds. She could only take his word for it.

She realized that he was still calling her name, his tone anxious and worried. She forced herself to smile at him, sitting up with great effort. "I'm sorry. I must have dozed off for a second." She muttered with a groan, finally settling into a sitting position.

"It's all right. I understand." He said with a sad little smile, settling back into his chair. "I think we had enough reading for one day." He muttered and placed the book on her nightstand. He remained seated quietly, his hands in his lap and his numb gaze at the floor.

"How's Heero doing?" Nora asked after a while of silence.

Duo sighed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "He's hanging in there."

"I'm sure you're doing your best to take care of him."

Duo snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, sure. If he lets me."

A sad smile touched Nora's lips, and then vanished. She bowed her head down and looked away. There was a heavy silence, at which she seemed very thoughtful. Duo was almost sure that she fell asleep, before she turned to him again.

"Duo, can I ask something of you? A favor?" She asked, her blind blue eyes finding their way to his face, looking at him intensely.

He swallowed, clearing the lump from his throat. Her gaze was too intense to be blind. "S-sure. Anything."

She smiled in gratitude, and nodded her head. Taking a deep breath, she diverted her gaze for a moment before turning to him again. "Take care of Heero after I'm gone. He's going to need you more than ever."

His first response was a weird little cough as he looked away. Her request made him very uneasy. It stirred his heart in a painful way. It was a moment or two before he faced her again, chuckling nervously. "Nora, don't be silly. You'll be fine."

She just smiled warmly, her eyes shining with some unrevealed knowledge. "I know. But just in case, all right? Promise me?"

Duo sighed heavily, letting his head hang down in defeat. "Sure, Nora. I promise."

"Thank you, Duo." She whispered, her voice faltering a bit.

"But you should concentrate on getting better!" Duo suddenly insisted, jerking his head up to look at her fiercely. "Don't give up so easily!"

Again that warm, compassionate smile. It was the same look Heero gave him when he knew he was going to break a promise. He knew that look. He hated it. It was the sweet, innocent face of a lie.

"I've been sick for so long, Duo... I let the cancer slowly eat me alive. There's not much chance of recovery, you know that." She mumbled sadly, closing her eyes in shame. "I was so stupid... wishing to die like that..."

She felt Duo reach for her hand, and she turned to cup his warm hand in both her palms. She looked up and smiled at him. "Heero will need you after I am gone. He might have come a long way from the person he used to be, but he still needs an anchor, a guide, in life." She squeezed his hand tighter. "You're the only one for him, Duo. I'm sorry to bind you to someone at such an early age... you are only twenty... but you see... I _know_ that you two are meant for each other."

"You don't have to convince me, Nora." Duo whispered softly, his tone full of love and warmth. "You are not binding me to anyone. I was bound to him from the moment we met. That was five years ago, and my feelings did not change. I will not let him out of my sight unless he'll kill me."

That earned him a small chuckle from Nora. "And according to what he once told me, he nearly did!"

Duo also smiled, and slowly pulled back. "Nah!" he said, waving his hand dismissingly, "he didn't have the heart!" And they both had a good-hearted laugh, venting out the pressure. The air felt lighter after a few mirthful chuckles, and then Nora's expression became serious again.

"I know what you mean about knowing when you've found your one and only. I met Hayashi when I was twenty-one. Two months after we met I already knew that I wanted to live my life with him. At twenty-three I was married and with a child." She sighed heavily and looked away, a hint of sadness and regret crossing her pale features.

"My family insisted that I was still too young, but I knew what I wanted. We drew apart because they were against my marriage to Hayashi, a Colony-born and of Asian heritage. I went against my father's words and left Earth to live in the Colonies, along with my husband. They saw me as a traitor, but I didn't care. I was happy. Even when I lost my eyesight, I didn't regret a thing. I had a husband and a son, and the two of them kept me happy."

She sniffled, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "But I lost them, lost my happiness. I didn't even have a family to go back to. I didn't want to bother Hayashi's family, they were mourning as well. I came back to Earth and just... did my best to disappear... somehow... When I learned about the cancer, I was almost happy. I grew tired of living, and the war didn't hold any promise from me to die. No battles occurred where I was, and in my condition it seemed impossible to go out and seek death. This disease was my redemption." She snorted bitterly and buried her face in her hand. "Another stupid decision I made in my life... keeping the disease that will be the end of me."

"Nora..." Duo whispered, but he had nothing to say. He thought it better to keep quiet. He laid his hand on hers and simply listened.

"I holed up in my little dark apartment and simply counted the months to my death. I was becoming more and more bitter because it was taking longer than I thought. I even thought of ending my life and getting it over with, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." She sighed, shrugging. "And then... I met Heero. He turned my world upside down. I didn't want to die anymore. I had to make him happy. I just _had_ to!"

She turned to face Duo, her eyes wide with wonder, as if she just realized something gravely important. "From the moment I heard that quiet voice of his, I felt that there was something about him. My heart opened up to him so quickly... I guess I knew somewhere, deep down..." She chuckled and shook her head, quickly dismissing the thought. "It's ludicrous, I know, but I would like to think that... I don't know... Tell me, Duo, what is the purpose of our reunion if I am to die now? I am beyond help, but what good will it do for Heero?"

Duo took a moment to breathe, her long tale leaving a heavy feeling in his chest. He placed his hand on her delicate shoulder. "I don't know, Nora. I don't know why you are to die now, but I do know that you had a great role in Heero's life. If not for you, I hate to think what would have happened to him. He could have died or even kill himself. You saved him, redeemed his soul somehow. That's a whole lot of good from one small meeting by chance."

She was blushing, as she always did when someone complimented her. Her eyes filled with tears, and she had to cover her mouth with her fist to hold back a sob. She pulled away from him, facing the other way, so she could compose herself.

"I just wish I didn't have to leave him now... it will break his heart." She whispered pleadingly at thin air, before whirling around to face Duo again. "I'm counting on you, Duo. Please make him happy."

He smiled, and then sniffled, his violet eyes also tearful. "I'll do my best." He promised, his voice faltering but his heart unwavering from its course.

.....

The cityscape passed by in a blur of gray, white and blue outside the car's window. Heero's numb blue eyes took the sights in as he gazed out the passenger's window in Duo's car. He looked up at where the tall skyscrapers kissed the sky, where little sheep-like clouds crawled slowly through the summer skies. His eyes trailed lazily over the sights speeding outside the car, looking in a detached manner at the crowds walking the streets, the busy traffic and the colorful variety of shops.

When Duo stopped at a red traffic light, he watched a young mother and her son cross the road together hand in hand. She was carrying many shopping bags and he was licking an ice-cream cone. They were happy, obviously unaware of other people's sadness - like the heavy grief residing in his heart. The boy's eyes met with his as he walked past Duo's red car, somehow drawn to the deep sorrow in Heero's cobalt eyes. By the time the traffic light turned green and Duo drove on, Heero was sure that the boy had already forgotten about him.

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning heavily into the passenger's seat. He was terribly tired, even after the long sleep Duo forced upon him. He didn't have the strength to do anything anymore. He didn't argue with Duo when his lover forced him to eat a large, nutritious breakfast. He didn't even protest when Duo swept the car keys and told him to get into the car. Usually he didn't let Duo drive him to the hospital, but he was too tired to argue. He was tired of everything lately.

Opening his eyes, Heero turned to look at his lover. Duo was concentrated on driving, struggling through the morning traffic. His features were haggard from lack of sleep, his lips pouted in concentration. Heero couldn't help but to smile a little. He found it cute. His smile grew when Duo exhaled a forceful breath in an attempt to push his bangs out of his eyes.

He allowed his eyes to wander down Duo's form, slowly trailing down his chest. He studied the way Duo's skin-tight shirt clung to his muscled torso, and the way its dark red color matched Duo's black jeans. His braid was lying over his chest, dangling down to his knees. Heero watched it swing a little as Duo took a sharp turn. He could also feel the car speed up drastically. Frowning, he turned to gaze out the windshield.

He looked up just in time to see their car leave a large interchange and head straight into a great highway. It didn't take him long to recognize that they were now driving down the main highway that led out of town.

Heero quickly straightened in his seat. Looking back over his shoulder, behind the passenger seat, he could see the city skyscrapers getting smaller and smaller. They were leaving town!

"Duo," he called, whirling back to face his lover, "where are you going? Turn the car back."

Duo's lips pressed into a thin line as he hit the gas pedal and changed a lane. "You're not going to the hospital today, Heero." He said, his tone harsh, beyond argument.

"Duo," Heero nearly growled, though he was too tired to be angry right now. "This is not funny. Turn the car back." He thought for a moment and then softly added, "Please."

"No can do, lover-boy. We're miles past the exit."

"Duo!" He called, desperate this time. "Please turn the car back. I have to go to see Nora."

A sneaky smile crept up Duo's lips. "Don't worry, Hee-chan. I told her you wouldn't be coming today." He said, looking briefly at his rearview mirror before changing lanes to by-pass a slower car. "She said it was fine with her."

"But..." Heero began, though he had nothing to say. Defeated, he slumped back into his seat. He sighed and closed his eyes, reaching a hand up to rub his tired eyes. "Where are we going?" He finally asked, surrendering to his fate.

A softer smile graced Duo's lips this time. He turned to Heero, his eyes asking for a little faith. "You'll see." He said. "Trust me on this one."

So like with anything else, Heero simply accepted. He tilted his head back and settled more comfortably into his chair. He let his mind drift slowly to sleep, trusting Duo to lead him to wherever they were heading.

.....

He woke up when he felt the car stop and the engine still. Opening his eyes, he blinked the sleep out of them and turned to look around. He pulled himself up to sit properly, and gazed out the front window. His eyes widened when he realized that the car was parked inside a green forest, just ten meters or so from a huge, crystal blue lake. The lake seemed to stretch into forever, the clear water sparkling under the sunlight. There were only green trees surrounding the large lake, not a sign of settlement around.

Heero snapped his mouth close when he realized that he was gaping at the scenery.

Duo chuckled at the sight of Heero's stunned expression. "We're here." He said, carefully stepping out of the car.

Heero was still too shocked to move. He looked around, left and right, gazing out of all the windows. They were deeply into the forest, not even a dirt road trailing behind them. He didn't even feel the bumpy ride. How the hell did Duo find this place?

He whirled his head back to look out the windshield, and spotted Duo walking away from the car, stretching his arms over his head.

Sighing heavily, Heero also stepped out of the car. There was a crunchy cracking sound when he laid his feet over the dried pine-leaves scattered on the ground. They crackled a small melody as he stood up, leaning against the red car's door.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the clean air of the forest into his lungs. He nearly forgot how nature smelled like. The air was fresh and crispy, carrying the sweet scent of summer. He could feel the soft rays of the sun tingle his skin, and looked up to see the yellow light filter through a mask of green branches. He watched the wind tousle the heavy leaves, playing with the branches as it skipped from tree to tree.

Looking down, he watched the sun twinkle over the waves in the lake, and the wind caressed the bluish water. The air was filled with songs of birds, the sounds of the forest. It was so quiet. Peaceful. A blessing to ears that were used to the constant hum of the city.

He could feel Duo's gaze on him, and he could sense that smile of his without even looking. He sighed to himself, and turned to look at his lover. He offered him a small, apologetic smile.

"This is very beautiful, Duo, but... I need to go back." He said in a small, wavering voice. His eyes shimmered in sorrow, he knew he was hurting his lover, but he felt that he shouldn't be here. Duo should understand, right?

But his lover only stood in his spot, and turned to face the lake. He was still stretching his arms, folding one arm over his head and then switching hands.

"I'm sorry, Heero, but I'm afraid that we're gonna be here for a while."

"Duo, please." Heero tried again, taking a few steps towards his lover. Duo only continued his exercise, bending his body to the left and then to the right. His back was still facing Heero.

"Sorry, man, but I didn't drive for three and half hours so you could tell me to make a u-turn and drive back."

"Then you shouldn't have brought me here in the first place!" Heero growled, crossing his arms over his chest. He glared at Duo's back, his anger boiling.

Duo turned around and offered him a big, dazzling, smile. "You're going to stay here if you like it or not." he said, shrugging, "Might as well enjoy it."

Heero rolled his eyes and puffed air out of his lungs, pushing his bangs up. He glared at Duo a second more, before 'tsking' loudly and storming back towards the car. "Fine. You can stay. I'm leaving!" He growled, and stomped into the car.

Fuming with anger, he slammed the door behind him and yanked the seatbelt. He reached a hand to turn the switch on, only to find out that there were no car keys. Growling in frustration, he ran a frantic search through the dashboard and glove compartment. He searched above the driver's seat, inside the car visor, everywhere. Nothing.

Frustrated, he punched the steering wheel and groaned in annoyance. Looking up, he saw Duo sitting over the engine hood, grinning like an idiot and waving the car keys at him.

With a groan, he slammed his head on the steering wheel so hard that he blew the horn. He took a moment to just relax and breathe, composing himself, before he stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. Glaring at Duo, he crossed his arms over his chest and came to stand in front of him.

"Fine. You win." He muttered, his tone accusing. "Now what?"

Duo smiled victoriously and threw an arm over Heero's shoulder. "Go fetch your gear, lover-boy, cuz we're going camping!"

.....

By the end of the day, Heero forgot about ever wishing to leave that place. They strolled the hidden pine trails of the forest together, climbing mountains and exploring valleys. They wallked between green trees and tall canyons. They found a small waterfall at the side of a mountain, which was hidden behind a few cliffs and heavy vegetation. The discovery filled their heart with some great, unknown feeling. They found a place on Earth only the two of them knew about. A special place, beautiful and green, that was theirs only. They kissed passionately by the raging white torrents of the waterfall, the loud furious sound of the rushing water guiding their kiss with an intense rhythm, adding to thier crazed passion.

They made their way back to the lake when the sun no longer filtered so strongly through the trees. They settled down by the lake late in the afternoon and simply lay on the warm sand at its shore. Kicking their shoes off and wiggling their toes against the soft sand, they took a few long minutes to just stare together at the clouds.

At sunset, when the lake was washed with golden colors and stains of pale pink and blue, they sat by the quiet water, and did some fishing. They made a bet about who will catch a bigger fish. Duo lost and therefore he had to go fetch the wood for their campfire.

They set a small camp by the lake, leaving the car behind them in the forest. Duo spread a large sleeping bag, big enough for two, over the soft sand, by the campfire. The two grilled their fish over the fire, and then enjoyed a quiet meal together. They helped themselves to a drink or two, which placed them both a in a cheerful and playful mood.

A while later, Heero found himself lying on his back, sprawled over the sleeping bag, laughing until he was out of air because of Duo's tickle-attack. His mind was warm from the beer he drank, and his mood was giddy from the entire enjoyable day. Heero soon found himself playing along, tickling back. The two rolled over the sleeping bag like two cubs playing, tickling each other in a mischievous contest.

Heero couldn't have been more grateful for each little sound of laughter Duo coaxed out of him. He had nearly forgotten how to laugh. It was like that day brought him back to life. He felt energized for the first time in months. His body ached from so much walking and climbing, and yet he couldn't remember feeling this good for such a long time.

At some point the two of them ended up atop of each other, panting harshly after much effort. They lasted only two seconds, at which they simply panted and looked into each other's eyes, before launching into a passionate kiss. They rolled over the sleeping bag, enthused by their passion. Their hands moved around frantically, touching the other desperately.

When they finally calmed, they simply lay there, sprawled over the thick sleeping bag. They lay on their backs, close enough to feel the other's body heat, and gazed up at the stars.

The skies were a pitch, velvet black, sprinkled with thousands of glittering silver dots. The stars twinkled down at their wondering eyes, as if offering a playful wink. Heero imagined that they were trying to encourage him, somehow trying to make him feel better. 'You deserve it', one star said with a wink. Heero found it rather odd that the star sounded an awful lot like Nora.

Another pair of stars reminded him of Duo's eyes, how they sparkled when he laughed. They were smiling at him too, spreading a warm feeling in his heart. They reminded him how much he loved Duo. How he loved him to the very core of his soul.

Smiling to himself, Heero turned to lie on his side so he could face Duo. His braided lover appeared to be deep in though, gazing at the stars. His eyes shone with a serious gleam, almost brooding, amethyst orbs shimmering under the starlight.

Heero draped his arm over Duo's broad chest, counted a few heartbeats and then leaned to whisper in his ear. "What are you thinking about?"

Duo blinked when Heero's whisper caressed his ear, as if coming out of a trance. He turned his head to look down at the boy lying by his side, and offered him a warm smile. "Nothing too important." He said, though his honey-like voice sounded a bit strained. Heero leaned closer to kiss Duo's soft cheek, and then bowed his head so he could tuck it under Duo's chin. He let his head rest over Duo's chest, listening to his breath.

He suddenly realized that there were a lot of dark, slimy demons roaming around Duo's head. His own demons left him a while ago, and only paid him infrequent visits. When Duo and he spoke about it, lying curled by one another in the darkness of the night, Duo rarely spoke of his own demons. He said that he already dealt with them in the two years after the war. That's why he went back to space, to clear his head from the cruelty of war.

But maybe it didn't work. Perhaps those two years were not enough. How could he have dealt with everything all on his own? It was impossible, Heero knew from experience. There were still demons there, he realized. Maybe Duo didn't see smiling stars when he looked up at the heavens. Maybe all he saw were dead husks of burnt mobile suits that still littered outer space. That thought saddened Heero. He hugged Duo harder, as if trying to wring all of his misery out.

"Gomen, Duo. I've been so insensitive." He whispered, closing his eyes in shame. He shivered when he felt Duo's warm arm sneak around him, holding him gently.

"Why is that?" Duo whispered softly.

"You never talk," Heero mumbled, "you always listen but you never talk."

Duo sighed heavily, turning his gaze back up, watching the dark skies. "You already know everything there is to know about me, Heero. I don't hide anything from you."

"You hide your pain," Heero stated bitterly, "just like Nora did. She hid it so well I could never see it. I was the actual blind man among us." He blinked away a few tears and whispered, "I don't want to be blind to your pain."

He didn't have the courage to turn his head around and see the look on Duo's face. To see the disappointment in his eyes. He had just realized how much pain Duo was holding inside him, how hard he worked to hide it. Just like Nora did. Even when she didn't smile at him, even when her mood was down, he never saw the full extent of her pain. He never knew of the many tears she held behind her blue eyes.

Duo's eyes were the same. They could show you the glint of a smile, but never the blackness that ate him from the inside. And that blackness was there, he was sure of it. He wanted to chase it away with all the love that he held in his heart. He will not be blind to it any longer. He might have failed Nora, but he will not repeat the same mistake twice.

"You open up to me, and yet there's so much you hold back from me. Why is that? Why won't you let me help you? I really think that I can." He said, turning to face Duo with pleading eyes. The cobalt orbs shimmered in the dark, the glittering tears begging Duo to give him an honest answer. "I love you, Duo. Why can't I help you?"

He didn't expect to see a big, heartwarming smile touch Duo's lips. His lover was looking at him with absolute love and admiration, his violet eyes shining brightly.

"You do help me, Heero." Duo whispered gently, and leaned down to kiss Heero's sweet lips. "More than you know." He turned to look into his eyes, his smile never wavering.

"I don't need anything but your love. It is more than I could ever ask for. All I have to do is hold you and my pain disappears. I don't hide anything from you, Heero." He paused, thinking for a moment before adding, "And even if I do cry, from time to time, it's all right. I know you're always there for me when I need you, and that knowledge is enough to help me deal with my pain."

Heero smiled a little, and Duo offered a small kiss to his nose.

"I might hide little things from you," he said with a small chuckle, "like that time when I ate that apple pie Nora made for you... and you got all grumpy about it that I didn't have the heart to tell you..." He snickered and Heero glared. The two laughed together, before Duo continued seriously. He held Heero close to him, looking deeply into his eyes. His voice was full of determination when he spoke.

"You don't have to worry about being blind to my pain. I will never hide what's in my heart, Heero. That will be a lie and denying my love for you." He smiled softly, and reached a hand to caress Heero's fine hair. He petted his cheek softly, his eyes shining lovingly at his blue-eyed love. "The reason I don't show my pain to you, is because there is no pain. Not when I'm around you."

Heero didn't seem convinced at first, but then he thought of the comfort he got when he was around Duo or Nora. Of the way everything seemed easier, his heart felt lighter, when he was with them. Perhaps Duo felt the same towards him.

Smiling, Heero looked up to meet Duo's eyes. He pushed himself up a bit so he could kiss Duo, a sweet brush of his lips against Duo's. They parted, and Heero drew back, his eyes drowning in Duo's earnest expression.

"Promise me that if it hurts, you'll tell me about it." He asked slowly, carefully.

"I promised." Duo whispered, his voice honest and warm. "And you do the same so we can help each other out, okay? There are some rough times ahead of us, I'm sure you know that, and I don't want you to think that you must go through this alone."

Again Heero couldn't help but smiling. Every word that Duo said wrapped around his heart and left him tingling with warmth. He loved him so much!

"Aa. I promise." He whispered back, leaning down to hug Duo. The two curled inside the sleeping bag, sinking into a warm, blissful slumber.

.....

Dawn painted the lake in a mixture of soft colors. Mellow pinks, heavenly cerulean blue, soft yellow and highlights of gold. The morning skies were a grand display of calm colors. A few birds cut through the heavens in an early morning flight. The green forest was silent and still, only now and then a few twittering of birds interrupting the silence. The lake was mirror-still, reflecting the green surrounding and the colorful sky.

The air was chilly and crisp, carrying the sweet scent of summer blossoming. A soft breeze carried the clouds on its wings, helping them make their journey throughout the heavens.

Down by the lake, on its golden shore, the last little sparks of fire burnt within fading cinders. The final signals of smoke ascended from the small campfire, fading into thin air with a silent hiss.

Up in the horizon, behind green mountains and lush treetops, the sun was crawling up lazily. It carefully reached its warm, golden rays to greet the new day with a warm and loving embrace. It wasn't long before the golden sphere peeked over the trees of the forest, trying to pour the soft light over the lake they protected.

The golden rays finally found their way to the large, double, sleeping bag that lay on the lake's shore, by the dying campfire. The sun seemed to be glowing brighter, as if happy to find someone out here to caress. It reached its warm rays down and washed over the two boys sleeping curled inside the sleeping bag.

Birds slowly came to life, flying across the lake and hopping from tree to tree. They twittered happily in light of the new day, chanting cheerfully as they spread their wings to fly. The noise didn't bother Heero, didn't even make him stir in his sleep, but rather the feeling of sudden chill that attacked him was the one to finally bring him into awareness.

Yawning lazily, he stretching inside the warm sleeping bag, stretching his limbs like a cat. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked the sleep away. Rolling over to lie on his back, he took a few long moments to just gaze up at the colorful sky. It was so beautiful that he couldn't help smiling. Inhaling the fresh air deeply into his lungs, Heero closed his eyes and indulged in the feeling of nature. This had been the best sleep he had in months. It was probably the most fulfilling, pleasant, enlivening sleep he had in his entire life.

Moaning sleepily, like a lazy boy who refused to wake up for school, Heero snuggled into the warm sleeping bag again, trying to buy a few more moments of sleep. His hands automatically reached up and searched for Duo. His eyes flew wide open again when he finally realized that Duo's warm body was not where it was supposed to be.

Frowning, Heero sat up and took a look around. He saw a bird flying swiftly out of the forest and bounce over the lake, disturbing the still water. The ripples grew bigger and bigger, and he followed them, until his eyes caught sight of his lover, bathing in the lake.

A warm smile slipped gracefully over Heero's lips. He shook his head in slight amusement, and crawled out of the sleeping bag. A small chill climbed up his spine when he placed his bare feet over the cool sand. The sand was not too cold, and he quickly got used to it. He made his way down to the shoreline.

He spotted Duo's clothes thrown carelessly on a rock by the water. The boy's socks, underwear and shoes were also there. Looking up, his breath was stolen at the sight of his lover.

Duo was standing where the water reached up to his chest, small waves moving around his naked torso. His long chestnut hair was unbound, floating around him in a circle, like a blossoming water lily. The sight filled his heart with warm mush, making him smile goofily. He stood there, watching, as Duo moved about in the water, his long hair trailing gracefully behind him, floating left or right, depending on where Duo went.

He would have stood there for an eternity, if Duo hadn't noticed him. The longhaired boy noticed that he was being watched, and quickly turned around to face the shore, his hair imitating his every move. His eyes met with Heero's, and he smiled.

"Heya, lover. Good morning." He called with a pleasant smile, waving at his boyfriend.

Heero smiled in return. "Ohayou, Duo." He said, and prepared to take a seat on a nearby rock.

"Hey, Heero, you gotta come in. The water's great!" Duo said cheerfully, gesturing Heero to join him. "You have GOT to try this skinny-dipping thing!"

Heero frowned, making a sour face. "I don't think so, Duo. Thank you."

"Ah, c'mon! I'm telling ya- it's great! I never felt so free in my LIFE!"

Heero rolled his eyes. "I doubt that."

"Oh, Heero! C'mon! You know you're gonna like it!" Duo whined, pouting his lips like a small child. "What, you're gonna let me swim naked here all by myself? It kinda takes the fun out of it all..."

"I thought you said you're having the 'time of your life'." Heero reminded him, as he already stood up and prepared to take his sweatshirt off. "Then what do you need me for?" He finished with a smirk, throwing his shirt aside.

Duo grinned, his eyes glued to his lover's muscled torso. "Oh, I need you all right." He growled playfully, watching Heero as the boy wriggled out of his pants as well. He smiled when Heero was finally standing by the water with only a pair of simple white briefs, looking at the water in hesitation.

"Isn't it cold?" Heero asked, testing the water with his toe.

Duo shrugged and tilted his head back, dipping his hair deeper into the water. "Nah, you get used to it pretty quickly."

"You're joking." Heero muttered, taking a step back after dipping his right foot into the freezing water. He turned to look up at Duo. "I'm going to freeze my balls off!"

Duo laughed well heartedly, shaking his head in amusement. There was just something very funny about hearing Heero saying something like 'balls'! It made him giggle like a little kid.

"C'mon, scaredy-cat! I dare you take a dive into the water!" He called teasingly, grinning for all he was worth.

As to be expected, Heero didn't back off from a challenge. In a matter of seconds, he was drenched from head to toe, standing in front of Duo with Goosebumps all over him and his teeth chattering.

"H-here," he growled, teeth chattering, "H-hap-p-y?"

Duo laughed and gave him a playful pat on the back. "Couldn't be happier, lover-boy!" He announced with pride. "Well, unless you take those silly underwear off."

Heero glared and Duo ignored it. "Hey! They don't hide much anyway, do they? C'mon! Be a sport!" And he reached a hand underwater to tug at Heero's waistband.

"Baka." Heero muttered, emphasizing his words with a playful smack. He then sighed dramatically and took the briefs off as well. He threw them away in the general direction of the shore, probably missing it by a few meters, and then turned back to Duo. The two merely looked at each other, until all of a sudden, Heero smiled.

"What?" Duo asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Heero's smile only spread wider, like melting chocolate. "You were right. This is very releasing."

"Ha!" Duo gave out a small laugh, which soon turned into a fit of laughter. "See! I told you so!" He said, before launching at his lover and dunking him into the lake. Unfortunately for him, Heero was quick enough to grab him by his forearms and pull him down with him.

The two began a fierce water fight, splashing about in the lake like children, their laughter filling the clear forest air. When the playful mood left them, the two naked boys remained standing in the soft-blue water, simply looking at each other.

Standing before Duo, still panting from their game, Heero ran his eyes over his lover, appreciating the sight before him. Duo was also panting, his chest heaving up and down as clear drops of water caressed his skin on their way down his body. His chestnut hair was floating all around him in a large circle, the edges of the lush strings touching his own skin.

He looked up again and met Duo's eyes. A moment of embarrassment brushed over both boys as they realized that they had been watching each other like that, noting every little erotic detail. Heero swallowed, and he saw Duo do the same. Underwater, he was beginning to be aroused.

Slowly, carefully, Heero reached a hand down to touch the hair floating around Duo. He took a handful of wet hairs in his palm and ran them between his fingers. They felt rough when they were wet, the lake's water not doing them justice. He raised his treasure up to his face, pressing the lush hairs to his cheek and inhaling deeply. Closing his eyes, he took in their sweet scent, the same familiar shampoo fragrance he knew so well.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Duo gazing adoringly at him. He smiled sheepishly in return, and carefully placed the handful of hairs back in the water.

Duo reached a hand up to caress his face, brushing his wet bangs aside to reveal his face. He pushed them up over Heero's head, exposing his lover's features as if for the first time. Heero smiled at him softly, and when the usual mop of hair that hid his face was absent, Heero's smile made him glow even more.

Duo leaned forward to capture Heero's lips in a kiss. The boy's mouth was warm compared to the cold water that chilled his skin. He tasted sweet, like nature, making Duo hungry for more. He gathered Heero into a tight embrace, pressing their naked bodies together. He smiled against Heero's mouth when he felt that he was not the only one aroused by this.

They kissed long and deep, pouring their passion into each other's mouths. When they began grounding their bodies against one another, they decided to leave the chilly water and ran to shore. They collapsed onto their sleeping bag, already kissing and groping each other.

(Cut out lemon. I altered the scene a bit in order to cut out the lemon.)

Their passion was intense. Their mouths were hungry to taste, their fingers aching to explore. Unlike their previous sexual encounter, there was burning lust rather than a gentle rhythm. They were hungry for each other, eager to feel the other's body. Wild heartbeats, harsh panting and frantic limbs portrayed their passion. Their union was almost feral, the intensity of their desire overwhelming.

Afterwards, they lay snuggled together under the warm cover of the sleeping bag.

This time, it was Duo who placed his head over Heero's taut chest, pressing his cheek against the sweaty skin. He closed his eyes and inhaled the salty scent into his lungs, a warm smile spreading on his lips. Heero wrapped his arms around Duo, and his longhaired lover did the same. They lay in silence, watching the sun climb out of the horizon, the golden sphere reflecting on the lake.

"I wish we could stay like this forever..." Heero whispered sadly, and then sighed. "I don't want tomorrow to come..."

Duo bowed down to kiss the top of Heero's head. "Then don't think about it." He whispered back, hugging Heero tighter. "Pretend that it won't."

Sighing heavily once again, Heero pulled closer to Duo and closed his eyes. "Yes..." He mumbled sleepily, slipping into a content slumber. "Lets pretend..."

* * *


	6. part 6 final

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I think it is too obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don't own them. I do own Nora, though. She is MINE. evil laugh

WARNING: Rated R For: Angst, drama, **_reference_** to past NCS (I've even avoided calling it "rape" in this version of the story.). 1OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1 (just a one night stand, none explicit). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there's no 2x1 going around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a **CENSORED** version of the story. I tried to make it suitable for by removing the lemons and leaving only hints at the actions that are taking place. The scenes are **NOT** explicit. You can't tell (hopefully) where the scene is censored, but I mentioned it anyway where there were MAJOR changes to the scene. If you are interested in the **FULL VERSION** of the story, please look it up at my site: 

Enjoy.

**Naomi**

* * *

**BEHIND BLUE EYES**

**(Censored Version)**

**PART SIX**

.....

"Dammit!" A panicked young man cursed as he raced through a dark alley. His pale blond hair, short and messy, was bouncing around his head. His cropped bangs clung to his sweaty forehead, some poking his eyes. His clear blue eyes were sharp with awareness. They were looking around frantically as he ran, searching for a place of safety. His harsh breathing filled the air, sounding too loud to his own ears.

In his arms, clutched protectively to his chest, was a small child. The little bundle, no more than three years of age, was lying limply in the man's arms, his tiny legs swinging wildly from side to side. The boy's head was cradled carefully in the man's arm, pressed against his broad chest. Blood covered his little face, pouring fluently from a gash in the side of his head. Some of the blood had already clotted around the boy's dark hair, his long bangs sticking to his bloody forehead. The man held him as steadily as he could, his chest aching with worry with each sharp turn or stumble.

Behind him, just a block away, chaos ruled the streets. A large pillar of dark, thick, smoke rose high in the air, hovering over the ruins of what once was the L1-Cluster Embassy. The tall and fancy building was now a pile of smoke-raising debris. Rescue forces were all around it, the sound of sirens piercing the air. People were screaming, some panicked, some mad and some too shocked to move or say anything.

He could hear nothing but his own breathing, harsh and hot in his lungs. The air was hot and thick, full of dust and smoke. The Colony's ventilation system was yet unable to cleanse the air. He was suffocating.

Still, he continued to run, the scenery rushing past him in a foggy blur. One building and then another, gray alleyways and dark corners. The shadows were everywhere, watching him. Sweat trickled into his eyes. It mixed his world into a hazy reality that threatened to crush him in its iron grip.

The boy in his arms was like dead weight. He was still breathing, but just barely. His little body felt too heavy in his arms. It was the guilt. It was too heavy to bear. He had no choice but to carry it with him, and keep running.

.....

Seventeen years later, that same boy, now a young man, was walking down those same streets. He had no recollection of being carried by a terrified young assassin, bleeding to death as he was taken through dark alleys. There was no sign of the fear and confusion that defined those times. He was at ease, walking casually down the main avenue of the colony.

Duo was walking by his side, speaking softly about one thing or another. He smiled at an amusing comment his lover made, his blue eyes sparkling softly under the warm colony light. Everything about him was casual and relaxed. His posture, his smile, the way he walked. Even his clothes, a pair of jeans and a loose white dress shirt, seemed brighter than everything else around him. The air around him glowed with his radiance.

The streets of L1-7283101 reflected his brilliance. The buildings were a glimmering silver, always clean and always glowing. Lush greenery decorated every sidewalk, along with a few fountains that sprouted glittering water. The air was sweet and clean, carrying the unnatural scents of summer. People were walking up and down the shiny streets, strolling the many high-class shopping centers and magnificent parks.

He enjoyed walking among them as a tourist and not an unwelcomed protector. He felt like a new person as he walked casually down the streets, admiring the colony's beauty and atmosphere. The people were relaxed, pacing along the parks and various avenues. It was a sight to be cherished, considering that four years ago the colonies could even be threatened by a mere little girl who wanted to conquer the world.

"Betchya we look like a couple of lost tourists." Duo commented with a smile before stopping to have a look around. He scanned the shiny silver streets around them and then turned to Heero with a helpless gesture. "I have NO idea where we are!"

Heero smiled gently at his lover's performance. "It should be somewhere around here. Look for a map." He said, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the busy streets. He looked past the malls, the tall office buildings and crowded boulevards. Among the bright neon signs and Plasma screens flashing various commercials his way, he spotted a small sign with a map of the district.

He took Duo's hand in his and the two walked towards the small sign. Duo was smiling the whole way, his heart melting at the feeling of Heero's warm hand around his. People were looking at them, and he avoided their gaze. He held Heero's hand tighter, pretending that he didn't care. He didn't care. Of course he didn't. Fuck them. He didn't care.

He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't notice that Heero was done examining the map. Still holding Duo's hand, Heero turned to him and offered a small smile. "It's just a block ahead, come on."

After a few more minutes of walking, the two finally arrived at their destination. The new L1-Cluster Embassy stood tall and proud over the street, its mirror-glass windows gleaming brightly. The grand skyscraper soared up so it nearly kissed the metal casing of the colony. Two armed security guards were standing in the entrance of the lobby. They ran a thorough check on both of them before they entered.

Once inside the large lobby, the two had to stop and admire the sight before them. The entrance hall's marble floor was glossy to a point it was nearly mirror-like. There was a big lounge with a small bar next to it. Large flowerpots with beautiful greenery decorated every corner. People in business suits, men and women alike, were walking left and right across the lobby, striding in determined steps. There was a soft humming of chatter around the lobby, and once in a while an announcement was made over the speaker system.

"Wow." Was all Duo could think of saying. Even the Preventer building they once visited did not look this good. He turned to Heero, who was standing like a statue by his side. His features were numb, as if in shock, his eyes staring dully at the foyer. Duo's heart crumbled a bit with compassion. He reached down to hold Heero's hand.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, noting in the back of his mind that people were watching again, but he didn't care.

Heero was silent for a while more. His eyes were glued to the lounge, staring at it until his eyes glazed over. He watched the posh leather armchairs in the lounge, his eyes filling with tears.

"They used to be red..." He mumbled, turning to Duo with a faint, tormented, smile. "I remember."

His lover offered him a small smile in return, squeezing his hand lightly. "I'm glad." He whispered softly, and gave Heero's hand a slight nudge as a sign to follow him. The two walked slowly into the lobby, their hands never separating. Duo could feel the tenseness in Heero's body and noted his stiff walking. It was hard for him to do this, he knew. He also knew that Heero was strong enough for this. They never would have come here if Heero wasn't strong enough. And after Nora's death, Heero became even stronger.

Nora died six months after their little getaway to the lake. Heero and he were by her side until the very end. Her death didn't come as a big shock, merely a slow and agonizing process of watching her wither away. She died in her sleep, a smile on her face and her fingers curled tightly around Heero's hand. Just before she fell into a final slumber, they were still talking, and once again their eyes somehow met. She smiled at her son and reached a weak, trembling hand to caress his face. He closed his eyes and let her fingers roam over his features, feeling him one last time. There was something in the air that demanded silence. Something holy and powerful. They knew, somehow, that it was to be her last night on Earth. She will be leaving them soon, joining her husband, Heero's father, in the afterlife. If there was such a thing.

It was all done silently, calmly. Nora's passing and Heero's grief were both coated with a sort of pleasant, painless, silence. It was thick and warm, warping itself around Heero's heart. In the silence of grieving, Heero secretly wished that the pleasant warmth that filled his heart was his mother's spirit. He was certain that she was keeping her promise of loving him always, of being with him forever. Perhaps with her essence wrapped around his heart, coating him with warm, quiet love, he could find the strength to go on. In fact, he was sure of it.

It was that feeling around his heart that helped him take the first steps into he lobby, and it was that same warm and loving sprit that guided him into the furthest corner of the lobby. There, behind three large plants and a vending machine, stood a small memorial corner. There was a dark-blue marble monument which read:

In memory of those who perished in the

terrible act of terror against

the L1 Embassy,

November 9th,

AC 183.

They Shall Be Remembered.

Always.

Bellow, were the names of the deceased. There were at least a two hundred names, if not more. The golden letters were craved into the dark blue marble, spelling out the names of those who were gone.

Mark O'Keefe,

AC 149 – AC 183 

John Debney,

AC 128 – AC 183

Linda DeScenndl,

AC 155 – AC 183 

Gary Barber,

AC 142 – AC 183

Michael Bostick,

AC 138 – AC 183

Roger Birnbaum,

AC 135 – AC 183

Junie Lowry,

AC 158 – AC 183

The list went on and on. Heero let his fingers wander slowly over the carved names, his fingers brushing over the cool marble until it stopped by a pair of names.

Hayashi Ishikawa,

AC 156 – AC 183

Hikari Ishikawa,

AC 180 – AC 183

Heero swallowed, hard. His fingers froze in place, pressed against the name of the infant he once was. It was hard to breathe all of sudden. His fingers trembled as he reached to touch his father's name once again. A painful lump of air caught in his throat when his fingertips made contact with the cool marble. His cobalt eyes filled with tears as his mind did the math.

"He was only twenty seven when he died..." Heero whispered, his voice shaking. He felt the hot tears rise up his throat, but the feeling of Duo's warm hand on his shoulder managed to calm him. He sniffled and turned to face his lover. There was a sad, forlorn, look in his eyes when he spoke.

"I can hardly remember him."

Duo's features were serious and grave, reflecting the gravity of the situation. He nodded slowly in understanding, his violet eyes glimmering with barely contained tears. "I know." He whispered, his voice weak and nearly faltering.

He leaned his head on Heero's shoulder, pressing his cheek to the hand he was still resting on Heero. He sighed deeply and just stood there with his lover, watching the monument silently. His eyes did not leave the carved name of Hikari Ishikawa. He felt an urge to gather Heero into his arms and pull him deeply into him, but instead he remained standing silently, offering as much comfort as he could. With his head resting on Heero's shoulder, he could feel the slight trembling running through the young man.

"Do you think we should ask them to remove your name?" Duo finally broke the silence, slowly pulling away from Heero.

With his gaze still fixed on the blue marble, Heero thoughtfully shook his head. "No." he said, turning to face Duo. His features were solemn, but his eyes shone brightly. "Hikari died a long time ago. What he-- what Icould have been died along with that name. I'm Heero now, and that's who I'll always be." He finished with a small smile, shrugging helplessly as he turned back to the monument. He reached a hand back to caress the two names, his smile growing just a slight bit.

"I think that this is what Nora would have wanted me to do." He added, feeling the cool stone one last time before parting from it.

"I think you're right." Duo said, nodding his head in agreement. He turned to look around the small memorial corner, noting the few garlands of colorful flowers lying on a large marble counter attached to the wall. There were many candles among the flowers, as well as framed pictures of the faceless names on the monument. He took a step closer, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the photographs scattered along the shiny marble.

"Heero, look." He said, walking quickly towards the counter. He swept a farmed photo off the shiny surface, and brought it up to his face. He felt Heero come to stand by him, the warmth of his body tickling his side. He turned to his lover, offering him the picture. "It's him." He said, his words carrying so much weight that they could barely cross the distance from his lips to Heero.

Heero reached for the picture, his fingers slightly trembling. He took the polished wooden frame from his lover and turned to look at the photograph. He smiled. Hayashi Ishikawa was everything Nora told him about. This picture matched the thousand words Nora used to describe his father. A young, handsome, optimistic young man who worked hard for what he believed in. Looking at the picture, Heero couldn't help but smiling. He was flooded with warm memories and feelings. He remembered that hair. That messy, thick black hair. Just like his own hair, it was untamable. He remembered playing with it. It annoyed his father at times, but he always smiled at him, always.

"You really do look like him." Duo commented as he leaned to look closer at the picture.

Heero smiled in response. "Hai," he whispered, "Just like Nora said." She knew. His mother knew what he looked like. It was comforting in a way; she was never blind to him. She always saw him inside out, just like a mother should.

"Man, look at his eyes." Duo added in wonder, leaning even closer to the photograph. The man in the picture was wearing a pair of fashionable glasses, but behind them was a pair of expressional, piercing, brownish-green eyes.

"They're green." Duo finally concluded, rising back up. He turned to Heero with a wicked smile. "Ain't that weird? I mean, he looks Japanese and all..."

Heero turned to look at the picture and then shrugged the matter as unimportant. He flipped the framed picture over to look at the back. "Do you suppose Nora put it here?" He asked, examining the back for any kind of inscription.

"I don't think so," Duo answered, "there was a burning candle next to it. Who will bother lighting a candle after all this time?"

Heero didn't answer and carefully placed the picture back on the marble surface. He remained standing in his spot, gazing sadly at the photograph. Duo turned to look at him, noting his lover's thoughtful face. He was gazing deeply into the photograph, as if he was drowning in it.

Duo watched him silently as he slowly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in an attempt to stop the heavy feelings that flooded him. It was then that Duo decided that it would be good to give Heero a few moments by himself.

Forcing on a small, compassionate smile, he placed a gentle hand on Heero's shoulder. "I'm, uh, I'm gonna look for the bathroom, okay? I'll meet you back at the lounge." He said, and slowly walked away.

But he didn't bother to search for the men's room. Instead, he made his way straight to the reception desk at the other side of the lobby. He had been waiting for this opportunity ever since Heero and he reached L1 two days ago. They never separated for even a moment, so he did not have time to do this. He promised Nora that he would. He had also promised that he would do it without Heero's knowing. He didn't understand why she didn't want her son to know about it. Perhaps she was afraid that he would refuse.

He didn't try to convince the dying woman to reconsider her request. Nora was already towards the finale stages of the disease when she called him in the middle of the night, asking him to come to the hospital alone. Heero was so exhausted from the entire ordeal of taking care of his mother that he didn't even wake up. He left Heero asleep in their bed and rushed to the hospital. That was when Nora made her finale request from him. She made him promise to keep it, no matter what. With shaking hands and a faltering smile, she handed him a small white envelope.

"The L1 Embassy," she had whispered weakly, "They will be able to help you."

And that was that. His promise was made. Walking towards the reception desk, Duo pulled that same white envelope out of his inner jacket and waited in line.

A young blond secretary was talking on the phone while typing something on her computer. She gave Duo an acknowledging nod and he smiled in return. He waited for her to finish what she was doing, tapping his fingers on the counter while he took a look around the large lobby. When the young woman finished her business, she turned to him with a smile.

"Sorry about that. What can I do for you, sir?"

Duo turned back to her, putting on his most charming smile. "Well, uh," he looked down at her nametag, then back at her, "Sandra, I was wondering if you could help me find someone." He said, his tone smooth and confident.

The young blond smiled at the handsome young man before her. "Of course, sir." She said and turned to her computer. Typing something quickly, she asked: "Do you know on which floor he works?"

Duo smiled in apology and shook his head. "No, I don't believe he works here. But I was hoping you can help me find him."

The woman frowned, and turned to him again. She could refuse, it was not her job to help with such a request, but she found the man's charm irresistible. "Well, do you have his name?"

Smiling in gratitude, the braided young man nodded and opened the envelope in his hand. "Thanks." He said, looking down at Nora's neat handwriting. He gave the young woman the information he had and waited patiently as she sought out the name in the L1 database. A few minutes later he was sitting in the lounge, waiting for Heero to return. His lover appeared soon after that, seeking him in the crowd. When their eyes met Heero smiled and motioned Duo to come. They left the building hand in hand.

.....

The rest of the day they spent touring the colony. After their visit to the L1 Embassy they made their way to the famous L1 Space Museum, which Duo found rather boring being that he was not that interested in the life-long story of the space pioneers. What he did enjoy was their little make-out session during the 'How the Universe Came To Be' holographic-movie. Being bored with the movie, he had reached a hand down Heero's pants, making the young man squeal during the Big Bang!. That turned a few heads their way, and gave him quite a laugh. Heero did not find it funny though, so Duo had to make it up to him with a kiss, which lasted for the entire twenty minutes of the movie.

From the darkness of the Space Museum, the pair made their way back to the light flooded streets. Their next stop was at the small Nature Reserve in the center of the colony. L1-7283101 was one of the few colonies that could afford maintaining a small piece of nature. A wide blue canal divided the colony to two halves, flowing right through the center of the lush space settlement. It split the city-center right in the middle, and also bordered by the small nature reservation. A small forest and large planes of grass spread alongside the water canal, red gravel roads and picnic areas all around it.

They strolled the gravel roads and paid a visit to the small zoo. They ate ice cream cones by the canal, dipping their feet in the cool water. Later on the two lay under a lush tree and let a lazy hour crawl by. They simply lay on the soft grass, Heero leaning on the tree while embracing Duo, as the two spoke about soft nothings to each other.

The early afternoon hours found the two walking down the main avenue of the colony, exhausted after a long trip inside an enormous shopping center. Tired and hungry, the couple chose a nice café by the water canal. It had a great white porch with little white tables; build with decorated iron patterns, all of them facing the artificial river. A nice young waitress served them a glass of water with lemon and mint, smiling at the two as she told them about today's specials. The atmosphere was calm as they sat and ate, the sweet scent of foliage engulfing them.

Taking a forkful of salad, Heero smiled and looked up at Duo. The braided young man was sitting casually in front of him, the white light of the colony making his chestnut hair gleam. He was speaking enthusiastically, only stopping to have a sip from his ice tea before returning to what he had been saying.

"All I'm saying is- why charge so much for a freaking jacket, yanno? On L2 I could get it for you in half a price! Heck, even less! Seriously. Rich people pay too damn much for nothing. Like, they can afford it so they don't care. That's such a fucked up way of thinking. They'd be even richer if they did their shopping on L2. Heck, I think that flying there would cost less than that jacket, right?"

Heero smiled and shrugged lightly. He was amused by Duo's enthusiasm for such a trivial manner. During their shopping trip, Duo saw a jacket in the mall he really liked, but they could not afford it. Now he ranted about the injustice of it all.

"Capitalism sucks, man." Duo finished with a mutter, taking a long sip from his ice tea.

Heero rolled his eyes and speared a red cherry tomato with his fork. "It has its qualities."

Duo snorted. "We're not getting into a debate now, are we? I'm just saying that I REALLY wanted that jacket! Man, it was so cool!"

"Duo, you sound like a ten year old." Heero commented with a light smirk, taking another bite from his salad. His eyes sparkled as he watched his lover rant on about one thing or another. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy listening to him, it was just that he was too mesmerized by the sight of his lips moving, that his ears became deaf to all sound.

He knew his lover's body like it was his own, but every once in a while he would discover something new. Like how Duo's lips twitched up in a half a smile while he was ranting about something that annoyed him. Or how his bottom lip pouted adorably when he frowned. Or how a little bit of gravy gathered at the corner of his mouth while he spoke about a leather jacket he couldn't afford.

Smiling to himself, Heero leaned forward and reach a finger towards Duo's face. He swept the gravy off the corner of Duo's mouth, surprising him in mid-sentence.

Duo blinked, quite baffled, and watched his lover lean back into his chair in satisfaction. He kept staring at Heero as the young Japanese man put his finger in his mouth and sucked the gravy off it in one, swift motion. He wasn't trying to be seductive, but he couldn't help but feel a little sexy with Duo's wide eyes watching him. Hiding a pleased smile, he returned to eating his salad.

Duo was still gaping. A few girls giggled, and he blinked, as if coming awake. He turned to look over his shoulder, noting the two high school girls watching them. He turned back to Heero, who was acting like nothing had happened.

He smile, his heart turning into mushy goo.

"You were saying?" Heero asked, reaching for his glass of lemonade while trying to hide an amused smile.

"Oh, I, uh, forgot." Duo mumbled, feeling a light blush rising to his cheek. The girls behind them chuckled again, and Duo's blush changed into a deeper shade. He hurried to gulp the rest of his ice tea.

"Perhaps we'll find a similar jacket back on Earth." Heero suggested, speaking as if he didn't notice what had just transpired. Maybe it was because he didn't care, Duo mused. And neither should he. Why should he be ashamed of such an endearing act? Why should he deny himself of enjoying these little gestures that made his heart dance and melt at the same time?

Heero didn't care about what other people thought. When he felt something, he felt it with all his heart. When he loved someone, he loved him deeply, to the very core of his soul. He was honest with his emotions. That's why he loved Heero so much. He never knew someone who held so much emotion in his heart. It was like a great sphere of pure white light, all contained within a young, wounded and scarred heart. A hard, rough crust of ugly scars covered Heero's heart, but it held so much love and feeling inside it, like an infinite mound of heavenly light. There was so much of that light, so strong and untainted, that it reached past the cracks of that scarred crust and shone to the outside. It was that inner glow that made Heero so beautiful and alluring. It was the greatest reward to anyone who loved him. Nora had the chance to be basked in Heero's light, and he was thankful for every second he spent under that same divine aura.

It was the little things, like gravy at the edges of his mouth, that made him realize this again and again. Seeing Heero's light glow so brightly made him realize how much the young man had changed. Since Nora's death, Heero came to accept his life, accept the hardship of his past and begin to think of a hopeful future. The visit to this colony was the last stop in Heero's long journey. It was the last patch that his wounded heart needed. From now on he will make sure to compensate Heero for every scar, for every wound on his loving heart. They will smooth those scars together, the way the always have and always will do.

"Duo? Daijoubu?" Heero asked, his eyes narrowing a little in concern. "Did I embarrass you?" He inquired, looking left and right at the people sitting around them. He turned back to Duo, his expression almost wounded.

Duo saw the apology that was about to come out of Heero's mouth, and he hurried to smile broadly at him. "Are you kidding me?!" he laughed, "Ya just took me by surprise, that's all!"

Heero smiled back at him, unsure. "You just seemed thoughtful for a second."

A warm smile graced Duo's lips, his violet eyes sparkling adoringly. "Nah, I was just thinking how much I love you." He frowned at his own words. "Damn, that sounded corny! But I did! I mean I was. I was thinking about you." Again that shy blush on his cheeks. He didn't care if those two high school girls were listening. He leaned forward and took Heero's hands in his.

Smiling at those shining cobalt eyes he whispered: "I love you so much, Hee-chan." A cocky smile pulled at his lips as he added: "and you can lick my gravy anytime..." He finished seductively and threw in a playful wink.

Heero snorted a soft 'baka' at him and shook his head. "You are hopeless." He reprimanded his lover, taking a long sip of his lemonade to hide the rosy color Duo raised on his cheeks. Duo laughed lightly, leaning back in his chair while feeling very pleased with himself.

He raised a questioning eyebrow when Heero placed his glass down and then rose to his feet. Heero gave him a small smile and mouthed 'bathroom'.

Duo smiled back and nodded his goodbye. He watched Heero walk into the café and then sighed thoughtfully. He leaned deeply into his chair, swinging slightly back and forth. He stirred his ice tea with a straw, gazing at it broodingly. After a few long moments of thinking, he got up and walked towards a near pay phone. Pulling the white envelope out of his pocket, he looked down at the number scribbled over it and dialed.

He kept sending nervous glances at the caf's entrance, hoping that Heero will take long enough for him to make the call. Listening to the dial tone, he watched the doors anxiously, his foot tapping on the floor. After a few rings, he was finally answered.

"Hello?" A man answered calmly.

Duo straightened in his spot, feeling a sudden urge to act formal. His heart was beating too fast. "Yes, uhm, Hello..."

.....

When Heero returned from the washroom Duo was already seated by the table, stirring his empty cup of tea. Heero slowly settled back into his chair.

"Sorry I took so long, there was a line." He apologized, noting that his lover seemed rather bored.

Duo looked up at him over his empty ice tea and offered a kind smile. "No problem." He said, a strange, unknown gleam in his eyes. Heero noted that gleam, but he couldn't put his finger on what it meant. He decided that if something was wrong then Duo would tell him about it. They gave each other space with such matters, trusting one another to open up when the time was right. Neither of them was pushy about such matters. If Duo didn't want to speak about a nightmare, Heero didn't press the matters further, and visa versa. It made their relationship more comfortable. If they couldn't bring themselves to speak about aching matters, at least they had the comfort of knowing that they were understood.

"Where would you like to go next?" Duo asked, his cheerfulness slowly recovering.

While gesturing at the waitress to bring them their bill, Heero replied quietly. "I'd like to go back to the hotel. I need to make some phone calls, make sure that everything is ready for tomorrow."

"Did you get a call from the funeral home?" Duo asked, his eyes following the young waitress as she approached with the check and two complementary cups of coffee and cake.

Heero pulled out his wallet, briefly musing how come he was speaking so casually about this matter.

"They called the lobby early this morning. They left a message that the coffin had arrived around midnight."

Duo nodded, his expression grave. "That's good." He said, watching Heero sign a check. His hand moved swiftly and gracefully over the paper, scribbling his signature with his neat and stylish handwriting.

"I want to go the funeral home early tomorrow, to have a look at the coffin before the funeral." Heero said as he pulled a five-dollar bill and placed it along with the check. He looked up at Duo, his cobalt eyes gleaming seriously. "I need to know that she made it out okay."

Duo nodded in understanding. "Sure. We can go have a look at it now, if you want."

Heero shook his head and the two got up. "No, I'd rather not." He said slowly, picking up a couple of shopping bags, which lay by his chair. "I would rather have it done in one swift blow..." He explained with a weak smile, looking at Duo with eyes that searched for understanding. As usual, he got just that from his lover, who offered him a smile and a sympathetic nod in return.

"I hear ya, man." Duo said, picking up another pair of trendy paper bags. The two made their way out of the restaurant, carrying their load. At the steps leading out of the porch and into the street, Duo stopped and looked down at their packages. He turned to Heero, laughing lightly.

"You think we over did it with the shopping?"

"Well, it was you who said we need a change of wardrobe..." Heero reminded him as he continued to walk. Duo hurried to follow him as a terrible thought struck him.

"Oh man! Now that I think of it we could have gotten this stuff a whole lot cheaper on L2..."

.....

They returned to their hotel straight after lunch. The L1 Colonial Plaza was a luxurious hotel, which was surprisingly affordable now that the colonies were trying to encourage space-tourism. Their suite was modest, but it held all they could ever wish for. There was a comfortable king sized bed, a rich mini bar, a large screen TV, a soft sofa for two and even a Jacuzzi. The room was well decorated, with a dark red wall-to-wall carpet, fashionable furniture, a fireplace and classy wallpapers. There was a glass door, currently hidden behind a thick red curtain, which led to a balcony. By the door was a miniature wooden table with an ancient-looking phone on it and a small cushioned chair standing by it.

Duo came out of the steaming shower room, wearing a white bathrobe while drying his long hair with the hotel's towel. He saw his lover sitting on the chair by the phone, speaking quietly into the receiver. There was soft music playing from the television, images of nature slowly changing on the screen. The room was dimly lit, flooded with mellow warm light and soft shadows. Heero's murmurs into the phone blended with the New Age music coming from the television, all in all creating a calm, relaxing, atmosphere.

With a pleasant sigh Duo flopped down on the bed, his body bouncing softly on the mattress before sinking deeply into it. His wet hair spread like an open fan over the bed, while his bare feet hung lazily in the air, sticking out of the mattress. He spread his arms like an eagle, enjoying the sheer size of the bed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, indulging in the pleasant moment. He listened to Heero speaking on the phone, letting his mind wander into a hazy, jelly-like, state.

"I've signed the papers down at the municipality this morning. The clerk said that there would be no more problems with removing the grave." Heero said, his voice calm though he sounded like he was trying to convince someone into something he would not do.

"I understand that these things take time, sir, but I've made the arrangements three weeks in advance. It was hard as it is to purchase a burial ground on this colony, please don't make this any harder. I beg you, sir, I need that burial ground tomorrow. It was already arranged."

Duo sighed at his lover's aching tone. Heero had worked so hard to purchase the right to bury his mother on L1. Usually colonist were given a space-burial, sending their coffins into deep space because there was simply not enough room to bury the dead on the colony itself. It was a waste of precious space. Only those who could afford it were buried at their home colonies. Heero's father was one of these people; at the time Nora had enough money to arrange his burial. She did the same for their son, burying him by his father's side.

Only there was no one to bury, the coffin was empty for all was found of Hikari Ishikawa were his shoes and a broken toy. There was no need for a tombstone that bore his name. Hikari was alive, he was Heero now. And all Heero wanted was to use the precious space his unnecessary grave took and use it so he could bury his mother by his father's side. He didn't want to see his mother's coffin sent into the darkness of space. He didn't want to lose her again to the unknown. He wanted a grave to visit, and he wanted her to be back with her husband, the man she had loved all her life.

But it seemed that the L1 authorities did not understand such a simple heart's wish. While they agreed to allow Nora to be buried instead of her thought-to-be-dead son, they did not bother to make the arrangements in advance. The funeral was due tomorrow, and Hikari's grave was yet to be removed.

"But I am telling you that the grave is EMPTY!" Heero nearly shouted into the phone, his tone getting desperate. Duo flinched at the mere sound of it. He opened his eyes, gazing blindly at the ceiling as he listened to his lover struggle with the dense authority.

"I know this because _I_ am the person who's supposed to be lying in that grave!" Duo flinched at that sentence, closing his eyes in pain. He wished that Heero wouldn't have to speak like that, but it seemed that there was no other choice. His lover worked even harder to prove to the world that he was not dead. It was ironic in a way. Five to six years ago all he cared about was ending his life, and now he was struggling to prove that he was alive and breathing. It was funny how things changed.

"I've already sent you all the proof you need, you've settled this matter over a month ago!" Heero continued, his voice close to threatening. "It is not my fault that Governor Chaplin is on vacation. Check his records, he's heard all about me. I've spoken with him but a week ago. Please, I'm running out of time. The funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Can't you arrange that something will be done by then?"

Duo held his breath, crossing his fingers as the silence stretched on. His eyes were closed tight as he wished with all his might that for once Lady Luck would be on their side.

After a few tense moments he heard Heero sigh in relief.

"Thank you," he breathed into the phone, a small smile of relief gracing his lips. "Thank you, sir. I appreciate it." He repeated and then said his goodbye. Putting the receiver back in place, he collapsed into the back of the chair and took a moment to just breathe.

Duo pushed himself up to a sitting position and gazed at his lover. "So the jerk succumbed?" He asked with a playful tone.

Heero, who was currently sprawled like a puddle of goo over the chair, managed a slight nod. "After a sufficient amount of pleading, yes."

Duo chuckled. "I never thought I'd see the day when Heero Yuy will plead instead of glare... well, outside of bed, I mean."

Heero's hand somehow managed to find a pillow from a nearby sofa and he threw it at Duo's face. "Baka." He muttered, shaking his head tiredly. He threw a limp arm over his eyes, hiding from the dim light of the room.

"Hmm... that's the third 'baka' I've gotten today... I'm on a roll..." Duo pointed out, throwing the pillow back at his lover. He slowly got off the comfortable bed and made his way to Heero. He stopped to open the curtain on the way, revealing a magnificent view of the colony lights sparkling below. The traffic was alert as always, the red and yellow of various vehicles painting the roads like a river of light. The L1 skyscrapers offered a random display of office lights, while the malls and entertainment districts shone in a more colorful display of neon illumination.

Duo took a stand behind Heero's chair and rubbed his shoulders gently, massaging his tense muscles. "Why won't you take a nice long shower?" he suggested with a warm whisper, rubbing his fingers against Heero's warm flesh. "You can even use the Jacuzzi... it will help you relax."

Heero sighed, opening his eyes, which were still hidden under his arm. "All I really want is a nice long sleep... I'm exhausted." He mumbled, his voice sleepy.

Duo continued his massage silently, simply enjoying the feel of Heero's skin under his fingers. When a considerable amount of time went by, he stopped, looking down at Heero in question.

"Hey, lover-boy, you sleeping?"

Still hidden behind his limp arm, Heero slurred a small "Uh huh..."

Duo smiled in compassion. "Want me to help you to bed?"

"Mum hmm..." Heero muttered incoherently, feeling too heavy to move or talk. When Duo finally helped him to his feet, he stretched and yawned before turning to Duo with thankful eyes.

"I think I better shower first... it's been a long day." He said, smiling tiredly.

Duo nodded and tapped on his shoulder. "Sure, no problem. I'll wait in bed with a goodnight kiss just for you." He added with a loving smile, guiding his lover to the bathroom.

"Thanks." Heero said as they stopped at the door. He turned to Duo and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "See you then." He said and then entered the shower. Duo waited a few more seconds by the door, watching it thoughtfully, before he made his way to the phone. He settled in the chair with a heavy sigh and picked up the phone. After dialing, he waiting for the operator in the lobby to answer.

"L1 Colonial Plaza Switchboard." A woman's voice soon replied.

"Hello," He mumbled, straightening in his seat. "I need to make a long distance call to Earth please." He took a deep breath to calm himself. His heart was racing like it did back at the café when he made the first call. That phone call was relatively easy. Now was the hard part. Nora told him that it will be hard, but he promised to not only do his best, but also to succeed. She trusted him, and he was not going to fail her.

.....

Neither of them got much sleep that night. They lay in bed, holding each other while watching the night crawl by. Heero lay on his back; one hand under his head while his other arm was wrapped around his lover in a gentle embrace. Duo was lying close to him, skin pressed to skin, his head resting on Heero's naked chest. His hand lay limply over Heero's stomach, just lying there, feeling the heat of his lover's flesh. Both their eyes were open, shining in the dark.

The balcony curtains were still open and both stared numbly at the view. An eerie neon glow washed the city below, L1's skyscrapers glimmering with the midnight illumination. The main roads were still busy with traffic; the silent hiss of cars flowing down the asphalt was like a silent lullaby to the L1 nighttime. The large water canal that split the colony to two seemed like a long black snake tearing through the forest of skyscrapers. A few ships were sailing down the canal, their fancy lights reflecting off the black water. A large amusement park was sparkling in a colorful display of lights, which reflected on the water. A Ferris wheel, glowing with all the colors of the rainbow, spun lazily as it towered over the canal.

Duo watched the giant wheel's movement with tired, aching, eyes. He exhaled a small sigh and closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to come. He concentrated on the slow movement of Heero's chest, heaving gently up and down as he breathed. A small smile pulled at his lips at the feeling of Heero's soft fingertips brush casually over the small of his naked back. Pleasant shivers tickled him under his skin as Heero continued to caress him absentmindedly.

Heero lay still, listening to his lover's breathing while his hand offered small caressed to the soft, warm, skin of his lower back. He felt Duo's body slowly relax under his soft ministrations as his breathing slowly evened out. In a matter of minutes, Duo was asleep, lying heavily against his chest. He didn't mind. That weight comforted him in ways he couldn't begin to explain. He held Duo close, his fingers moving down to brush against the soft rope of hair that lay sprawled over the mattress. He ran the soft strands between his fingertips, his still cobalt eyes watching the scenery shown from the small terrace.

He could feel Duo twitch in his arms, his limbs jerking slightly in his sleeps. He was dreaming, possibly a nightmare. A soft moan escaped Duo's lips and Heero held him tighter in response. The twitching ended fairly quickly and Duo sunk deeply against Heero's warm torso. He nuzzled his head against the warm skin, as if trying to settle more comfortably into it. Chestnut strands tickled Heero's chest, raising a small smile on his lips. He lay motionless, looking down at his lover. It seemed like the nightmare was over, it was probably not that bad if Duo was still sleeping. Some nights, he would wake up screaming, but those cases were becoming rare.

He expected that his mother's death would give his own nightmares a reason to return, but that didn't happen. It's been two weeks since she died and his only response was light insomnia. He did dream of her, small and precious memories flooding his mind while he was asleep. It was funny what he remembered. Such small, seemingly insignificant things. The way her hands felt against his, covered with baking flower while she guided his hands over the doe. The way she always got baking powder into her long hair while they worked in the kitchen. Her smile. That wide, careful smile on her delicate lips. It was such a fragile smile, threatening to collapse at any moment, but the sight of it was truly incredible. When she smiled, it even reached her dead eyes. He remembered one time, when he took her to a concert and that smile spread so widely on her lips, her eyes tearful at the sound of the magical melody being played. He remembered what she had whispered so emotionally. "I can see the music," she said. He remembered the happiness he felt at making her happy.

The little things. There were so many little things to remember. He will miss them dearly. The feeling of her hand stroking his hair. The sound of her laughter. The taste of the cakes only she could bake. The smell of her shampoo and the way the light touched her long, flowing brown hair. She was a beautiful woman, both inside and outside. He missed her so much. He didn't know if he could handle seeing her lying in a coffin, pale and frozen in death. He asked the funeral home to dress her in her blue dress, the one he remembered from his childhood and the one she liked to wear when Duo and he came over for dinner. They kept her coffin in a special refrigerator until the funeral arrangements will be completed. He didn't see her since she had died at the hospital, and now he was going to see her again. Dead.

He was a little appalled by an open-coffin funeral. He did not like the idea of seeing someone dead lying in a cushioned coffin, wearing their best clothes and make up. It seemed like a bizarre Christian tradition to him, but he could understand the deeper meaning of it. It was some sort of closure. The human mind was always delusional when it came to death. There was always that stupid bud of hope blossoming somewhere, those little wishes a person made, wishing that his loved one was not dead. Wishing that it was a mistake, a misunderstanding between he and the higher powers that be. There were always these little deals, the hollow promises. 'I'll go to church every Sunday', 'I won't steal ever again', 'I won't this' and 'I will do that'. False promises. Empty pledges a person was willing to make if only someone will bring back his loved one. There was no end to those wishes and promises unless there was cold, hard, proof of that loved one being gone. Closure. An open coffin was closure. It helped people face the truth, and that was why he was going to look into that coffin tomorrow. To make sure. To let his mind rest. To bid his mother a final, painful, goodbye.

Taking a deep breath, Heero moved to lie on his side, maneuvering Duo so he will lie down with him. The longhaired man opened half an eye, looking sleepily at Heero before curling deeply into the covers and diving back into slumber. Heero watched him for a few moments; his eyes lingering to the sight of Duo's bangs as they lay sprawled across his face, obscuring his eyes. With a heavy sigh, he finally closed his eyes and buried his head into the pillow, wishing tomorrow will never come.

.....

The visit to the funeral home was short. Heero signed whatever papers they presented to him, thanked a man or two for taking care of his mother's coffin throughout the flight from Earth and then went into the main hall to see her. Duo was by his side the whole time, holding his hand tightly.

She seemed peaceful enough, her face serene in sleep. An eternal sleep, Heero had to remind himself. He reached a hand into the coffin and touched her carefully, afraid that she will crumble in front of him. The dead body did not disgust him. He had seen enough of those, and besides, she was his mother. He let his fingertips brush gently down her cheek, and then caressed her stiff hands, which were lying over her stomach. Tears filled his eyes, and he sniffled. Still, there was a small, sad and helpless smile on his lips. Closure. He had it now. Maybe now he will be able to sleep peacefully at night.

He could feel Duo's warm hand come to rest against his shoulder. He turned to look at his lover, who was standing very close to him, and they both smiled forlornly as their eyes met.

"I wish she still had her hair." Heero whispered, his voice wet with tears.

Duo nodded slowly in understanding. He turned to watch Nora's body, lying still in the coffin. There was an elegant blue hat around her baldhead. His eyes lingered to her pretty face before he blinked away a few tears.

"She is still beautiful." He whispered hoarsely, turning to Heero with a weak smile. "Like mother like son, right?" He tried to sound cheerful as he made the joke, but his voice was too heavy. Still, Heero offered him an appreciating smile.

"Let her sleep." He said, and moved away from Duo. He reached two hands to the coffin's lid and with a final glance at his deceased mother, he closed the coffin. For a few long moments, he just stood there, his hands lying on the polished wooden coffin. It was hard to let it go.

A boundless amount of tears suddenly flooded his eyes, hot, thick and stinging. He closed his eyes as his hands trembled over the coffin. His shoulders began to slightly shudder as the sobs crawled up his throat. He didn't cry loudly at the hospital when she died. Every tear he'd shed so far was silent as it slid down his face. He didn't want to cry; he didn't think that Nora would have wanted him to. So he struggled, fought the tears with all he had, which wasn't much. Suddenly the injustice of it all occurred to him. He had regained and lost his mother in one short year. It was a painful blow to his heart, and his sobs resonated the anguish it stirred inside him.

Warm arms wrapped around him, gently, carefully pulling him into an embrace. He let his head sink into Duo's shoulder, his back shaking but no sobs breaching past his lips. His tears soaked Duo's black shirt as he cried, the two lovers standing by the closed coffin.

"Shh..." Duo soothed, stroking Heero's hair lovingly. "It's all right... shush..."

Somehow, his words were like a permission to cry, to let it all out. It was okay, he was allowed to. So he cried. He clung to Duo in a desperate embrace and sobbed brokenly into his shoulder. He shed all of his pain out, coughing and sobbing it out of his body. As he did so he remembered the times when he had done the same over Nora's shoulder, his mother's hands holding him gently as he cried his anguish into her. She had helped him with so much, with the pain and the nightmares, with his search for identity and his right to live. Remembering her warm hug, the soft things she whispered to him when he awoke shaken from a nightmare, it only made his tears bitterer and his sobbing more hurt filled. He shook like a leaf in Duo's hold, crying until there were no more tears left to cry.

Duo was crying too, soundless tears slowly crawling down his cheeks. He was biting his lower lip to keep from whimpering. He held Heero tight, feeling him shake and doing his best to remain the steady pillar of strength his lover needed right now. There will be another time for his tears; right now he was here to absorb Heero's sadness into him. Anything to make it go away. So he cried silently, trying to be strong even as he buried his face in Heero's dark hair, shedding his tears into the soft chocolate strands in an attempt to hide them.

Neither of them knew for how long they just stood there, crying. For a long while the only sound inside the large funeral hall was Heero's choked out sobs and Duo's sniffling. They echoed between the wooden walls and bounced off the ceiling only to return much louder and stronger. After a while, the sound slowly faded as both lovers calmed. With a loud sniffle, Heero pulled away from Duo's embrace, slowly detaching his own arms from around his lover. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and ran a trembling hand through his hair in a pitiful attempt to tidy it.

Duo did the same. Pulling away from Heero, he made a hopeless attempt to tidy himself up. He took a moment to look at the closed coffin, so still and lifeless as it stood in the center of the room. He used that time to try and compose himself, and when he turned back to Heero, he saw that his lover had beat him to it. While there were still traces of dry tears down his features, Heero's face was calm and composed again, almost business like.

"What now?" Duo asked, his voice a bit rough from crying.

"I have to go check on Hikari's grave. I need to make sure that they removed it." Heero said as if he was speaking about a person other than himself, which in a way he was. He felt little attachment to the name 'Hikari'. He often wondered if he should be upset by it, being that 'Hikari' was the name he was given at birth, but he found that he wasn't. Even Nora refused to call him Hikari. She said that it was not who he was anymore, and she accepted it. Just like he accepted the fact that he could never call her 'mother'. He knew that she was indeed his mother but he will always remember her as Nora. The woman who brought him to life, twice.

"Would you like to go back to the hotel after that?" Duo asked, bringing Heero out of his musings.

Walking towards the main office, Heero nodded. "Yes. I'd like to get some sleep before the funeral."

.....

Sleep didn't come easy. Heero spent an hour and a half tossing and turning in bed, fighting for a few miserable moments of unfulfilling sleep. Duo was sitting quietly on the sofa, channel surfing in an attempt to quiet his mind. One didn't have to think while watching television, though his mind proved that theory wrong. There were too many thoughts circling in his head. He listened to Heero toss from side to side and punch his pillow, trying to sleep. He continued to stare numbly at the television, all the while his mind thinking about the death of his loved ones. There was too much death in his head right now, as he was sure there was in Heero's. It was hard to handle, even though they tried. They lost too many loved ones too many times. Nora's death, while it was expected, opened too many old wounds.

He didn't want to think about it, he never did, but those thoughts came if he wanted them or not. There was too much death. Too much blackness trying to sip into his head. He shook it and tried to focus his attention on a silly cartoon playing in front of him. He tried to smile at a stupid cartoon gag, but once he figured that he wasn't fooling anyone, he dropped the act. There was no need to pretend. He didn't feel like trying anyway. He knew that Heero hated it when he wore his joker mask, when he began to pretend. "It's the biggest lie of all." His lover always said, looking at him with those captivating, anguished eyes, silently asking him- 'Please don't lie to me.'

So he didn't. Or at least he tried. It was hard to let go of the mask he had been wearing for so long, but Heero helped him. He always did.

From the other side of the room, Duo could hear Heero curse softly and throw a pillow off the bed. The sound of the falling cushion was followed by a tired sigh. He looked up from the television when he heard Heero get up and walk towards him. His bear feet padded softly on the dark red carpet, moving soundlessly, but still Duo could feel him approach. He looked up at him and offered a small, miserable, smile.

"Can't sleep?"

"No." Heero grumbled, settling next to Duo. The sofa was small, with barely enough room for two, and Duo's long legs were occupying most of it. He folded his legs to make Heero some room, and the two sat cuddled against each other.

"There's a cool horror movie on." Duo commented silently, gesturing at the television with the remote. "Wanna watch?"

Heero sighed heavily, leaning his head on Duo's shoulder. "Enough death." He mumbled tiredly, inching closer to his lover, their limbs entwined until it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Duo wrapped his arm around Heero's shoulder and pulled him closer. He shifted his head so he could kiss Heero's hair and then turned back to watch the screen. He changed the channels until he found the cartoon again.

"Well then, I hope you like Mickey Mouse..." He mumbled with half a smile. Heero snorted, half asleep.

They lay snuggled on the couch, lost in thought as the colorful cartoon images raced over the TV screen. The room was silent and dark, even though it was high noon. Heero closed the lights and curtains before he went to sleep and the only light in the room was the flickering of the television. The silence was heavy, almost solid, as it hung in the air.

Lying against Duo's warm body, engulfed by the scent of laundry softener emitting from his blue sweatshirt, Heero found sleep more attainable. He relaxed and sunk deeper into the webs of sleep, his mind finally at ease. The silence seemed more pleasant as he was pulled deeper and deeper into slumber. He was just about to cross the bridge between sleep and awake, when he heard Duo's voice whisper.

"I just can't stop thinking about it, yanno?" Duo said, his voice terribly silent, as if he was afraid of waking old demons just by speaking about it. Maybe that's why he rarely did.

Heero opened his eyes, staring ahead at the television. "You never had a chance for closure."

Duo closed his eyes briefly and looked away. "There was nothing left of the church, there was nothing to get closure from."

"We can go there."

Duo swallowed, still facing away from Heero. The Japanese man shifted so he was sitting next to Duo, and reached for his hand. "It might help you if you'll see it again."

"I don't want to see it."

"I didn't want to come here either, Duo. But it was something I had to do."

He sighed, turning back to Heero. "I tried to go there, you know. After the war... I spent two years in space trying to gather the courage to go there, and in the end... I didn't. I couldn't."

"Things changed." Heero reminded him. He reached a hand to cup Duo's chin, gently turning him towards him. "You changed."

Duo smiled, a weak, yet grateful, smile. "Look who's talking." He mumbled, and kissed Heero's hand.

Heero smiled and pulled his hand away. "Think about it." he said, settling more comfortably into the sofa. "You'll get your closure and that jacket you wanted."

That earned a small laugh out of Duo. The ice melted and the heavy tension was gone in a second. Heero smiled to himself. Duo's laughter, even when he was feeling down, could have a magical affect on everything around him. It made things so much simple. So much easier to bear. Even the weight of mourning.

"All right, Heero, I'll think about it." Duo said more thoughtfully, and then snuggled against his lover. He let his brain absorb a few cartoon images that flickered on the television and then smirked. "But if I don't find that jacket, you're a dead man!"

(Censored Scene)

Merely an hour before the funeral they made love furiously. Under the warm shower stream, the two lost themselves in passion. Both were in desperate need for contact, for the feeling of life pumping so vigorously through their veins. Hot, maddening passion awakening their bodies with need. The desperate breathes, the helpless gasps, moaning and the frantic beating of their hearts. Life. In the most primal form of it.

From within a mist of pleasure, a flickering thought, like a fluttering butterfly, flew through Heero's mind. He somehow knew, that wherever Nora was, she was looking down at this and smirking. He could still enjoy life, just like she had wanted him to.

(Cut out lemon scene)

.....

"God, our Creator," The old Minister opened in a prayer, standing in front of Nora's grave. Duo and Heero were standing at the opposite side, looking down at the grave as they held hands.

"The death of our beloved Nora, recalls our human condition and the brevity of our lives on earth..." The Priest continued, and Duo looked away, his eyes scanning the graveyard.

The cemetery was silent, as to be expected of it, of course. The dead had no use for sound, nor did they have any use for the greenery around them. It didn't matter though, Duo mused. A cemetery was more for the living than for the dead. It was a place for mourning, a place to visit and cry over a beloved's grave. Perhaps the dead appreciated it, in a way. But Duo was never one to believe in greater things like the afterlife and such. He saw no reason in it. If there was such a thing as the so-called afterlife, why did people fight so hard to live? Why was the survival instinct ingrained so deeply into the human brain? Why did a drowning man fight for his very last breath if he knew that there was something better out there? Why bother? To Duo, the answer was simple. People struggled to stay alive because deep down they knew that there is no great reward after living. There's just death. Cold, black and heartless death. No existence.

"But for those who believe in your love death is not the end, nor does it destroy the bonds that you forge in our lives."

And therefore he didn't even bother to listen as the Minister offered a last prayer for Nora's soul. It meant nothing. It was all formality. God was not listening, he never did. Father Maxwell tried to convince him otherwise once, but he had failed. Perhaps if he hadn't been brutally murdered, things would have ended differently. Perhaps his faith would have been restored. But things didn't work out that way. The Priest standing if front of them spoke empty words without meaning. He was sure that Heero felt the same about it. He was rather certain that Nora felt the same too.

Still, it was just for formality. The cemetery did not allow a burial without a Priest and a proper ceremony. So let the man speak, Duo concluded. Get it over and done with.

"We share the faith of your Son's disciples and the hope of the children of God. Bring the light of Christ's resurrection to this time of testing and pain as we pray for Nora and for those who love her through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Duo rolled his eyes, but still, out of simple respect towards the old man, muttered a small "Amen." [i]

The old Minister smiled and closed his book. He bowed his head humbly and offered a silent 'I'm sorry' before leaving the two alone by the grave.

"Well, that was pointless." Duo commented dryly, flipping his braid over his shoulder.

Heero shrugged, taking a step closer to the fresh grave. "I don't know. It's a nice idea."

"Oh please!" Duo snorted. "It was just a bunch of useless words he says at EVERY funeral."

Crouching on the ground in front of his mother's grave, Heero turned to look up at his lover. "I'm not saying I believe in it, but you must admit that the thought is comforting."

Duo sighed, slumping his shoulders. "Do you really believe she's in a better place?" He asked, looking at Heero in defeat.

Heero shrugged and placed a small garland of flowers on Nora's grave. "Sometimes. It comforts me."

"I thought you don't believe in that stuff." Duo muttered, frowning.

Heero smiled at him, his eyes shining with amusement. "It's a bit contradictive, I admit." he said slowly, thoughtfully, "But when I think about it this way, it makes things easier."

"So you think that all the people we've killed went to Hell, Heaven or whatever?"

Heero frowned, a dark cloud shading his eyes. "Lets not get into that, Duo." He said almost coldly, rising up to his feet.

Duo sighed and waved his hands in a helpless motion. "Sorry. It's a touchy subject, that's all."

Heero nodded in understanding, once again thinking that it would be a very good idea to visit L2 after this ordeal will be over. His lover needed to put an end to his struggle, and visiting the ruins of the Maxwell Church was the only way to do it. But that, he would leave for another time.

Standing in front of the fresh grave, Heero looked down at it solemnly. Only a few hours ago a tombstone bearing his name was hovering over an empty grave. Now, another headstone, bearing his mother's name, replaced the gravestone bearing the name of Hikari Ishikawa. There was irony in there somewhere, or something akin to it. Fate, if you may. It was easier to believe in Fate than in God. He often amused himself with the idea. Wasn't meeting his mother by pure chance, and therefore bringing her absolution, a sign of higher powers guiding them? He never gave it much thought, but he did know one thing- there was no such thing as coincidence. There was something more powerful, more meaningful behind all this. Maybe one day he will find out what, exactly. Maybe he will be able to help Duo find out as well.

Duo stepped forward to take his hand, giving it a light squeeze. "She died happy, Heero." He said, his voice soothing. "She was grateful for the chance to meet you."

Smiling weakly, Heero closed his eyes. "I know." He whispered, squeezing Duo's hand. "I'm grateful for it too. I just... I just wish that..."

"That you didn't have to lose her again, I know." Duo finished where Heero's words failed. He leaned his head on Heero's shoulder, watching the grave as well. "But you have to look at it this way- it was a miracle that you two met. You had the chance to affect each other's lives, and for the best."

Heero smiled a small, hidden, smile. He had just been thinking the same thing.

"She was happy to know you, to be with you. She died with a smile, Heero. It's also something to be thankful for."

"I know." Heero whispered and turned to Duo, taking both his hands in his. "There was a meaning behind it, Duo. I'm sure."

The young braided man offered a small, doubtful, smile in return. "Maybe." He said, looking away. He was facing the large gate leading out of the cemetery and into a small parking lot. His eyes narrowed as he saw two cars pull over by the gate. He watched as a couple, a man and a woman, walked out of the first car. Their outfits were black, as was their hair, and they were both fairly short. The woman was carrying flowers.

Duo frowned, leaning forward a bit in order to see better. Could it be? Dare he hope?

Another couple exited the second car. Also a man and a woman. The woman was blond, her hair contrasting with her black outfit. The man, her husband perhaps, was carrying flowers.

Duo watched the two pairs walk stiffly towards one another. They stopped in a great distance from each other, shaking hand but their movements were stiff. Duo could tell, even from this distance, that the four knew each other, but were not very fond of one another. There was great tension between them. It was obvious even from nearly 200 meters away. There was no doubt about it. It's them. They made it.

Breathing in relief, Duo turned to Heero and tapped on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Heero, look." He said, pointing at the gate. Heero turned, and his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he watched the two couples walk into the cemetery. His mouth hung open with a forming question, but Duo beat him to it.

"The couple over there," Duo said, gesturing at the blond woman and her husband, "They made it all the way from Earth. I called them last night."

"Who are they?" Heero asked, his voice full of wonder as he watched the entourage approach.

"Nora wanted you to meet them." Was all Duo said, and Heero understood. There was no more need for questions. She knew him so well that she knew that she had to keep this a secret from him. He would have run away if she hadn't.

He stood quietly and watched them approach. The first two were both Japanese, around forty years of age. The man, he could see the resemblance to his father, was a few inches taller than him, with pleasant features and tidy black hair. The woman, who must be his wife, was a short and chubby woman, with long curly black hair and features that could only be described as 'motherly'. When their eyes met, she smiled at him, a big warm smile he had seen on some Christmas movie. He nodded in acknowledgement and turned to look at the other couple.

The blond woman was walking stiffly and determinedly towards the grave, her head held high. Her dyed blond hair was set in a short and elegant hairstyle, bouncing up and down as she walked. She was dressed in a black business suit, her features as hard as stone as she walked. Her face betrayed nothing, but he couldn't help but notice the anger in her blue eyes. Pure resentment, maybe even betrayal. He remembered what his mother told him about how she left her family on Earth in order to begin a new life in space, along with her husband. The family did not see eye to eye with her. That woman, she must be her sister.

The blond woman's husband was walking a few steps behind her. He seemed more compassionate than his wife, his features honest and sorrowful as he walked towards the grave, holding a garland of flowers.

The Japanese man stopped in front of Heero and offered his hand for a handshake. "Daisuke Ishikawa, your uncle. Hajimemashite." He said, smiling genlty.

Heero smiled and nodded in return. He reached a hesitant hand to shake with the man before him. "Heero Yuy."

The man smiled and nodded in return. He gestured at the woman by his side. "My wife, Maya."

The Japanese woman took a small bow and smiled warmly. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Heero." She said, her tone slightly sheepish. "The last time we met you were three years old." She commented with a bitter smile, though her brown eyes shone brightly. They were gradually filling with tears, until the motherly woman could hold back no more and she hugged Heero tightly.

"It's so great to see you!" She called, nearly suffocating him. "How you've grown!" She continued excitedly, pulling back to have a good look at him. "My, my! You look just like your father! Doesn't he, Daisuke?" She said, turning her cheeky face to her husband.

Daisuke smiled kindly and nodded his head. He did not turn his eyes off Heero. "I'm your father's older brother," he explained, "And seeing you now reminds me of how he was when we were little. The resemblance is uncanny."

Heero managed to smile back, somehow. He was still in shock. This whole situation was more than bizarre. It was almost unreal. He turned to the other couple. He noted that the man was laying the flowers by the grave. The blond woman was looking at him impatiently, tapping her black high heel shoe on the ground.

When she noted that Heero was looking at her, she turned to him with her cold eyes. Her lips rose in a sarcastic impression of a smile. "Vanessa Woodridge," she snapped as if annoyed by the fact that she must introduce herself. "Nora's older sister." She added and then gestured at her husband. "My husband, Wayne."

The man, who struck Heero like the submissive kind, a poor fellow ruled by his wife's iron rules, approached him with a warm smile. They shook hands. "Nice to meet you, Heero."

Vanessa glared at both of them and then turned back to Heero. "We never met, so I don't have any cute stories to tell you. I only came here to pay my last respects to my foolish sister."

Heero nodded, taking an unconscious step back. He didn't like that woman and he felt uncomfortable under her gaze. Clearing his throat, he gestured at Duo who was standing silently by his side.

"This is Duo Maxwell." He said and Duo took a step forward. "He's my--"

"I'm a good friend of Heero's." Duo cut in, shaking Wayne's and Daisuke's hand with a smile.

"We're lovers." Heero corrected, catching Duo, and everyone, by surprise. He glared defiantly at everyone. He had no business lying to these people, and he was unwilling to hide who he was. He was not ashamed of his love for Duo, nor was he going to hide it from people he didn't even know. They might be his family by blood and law, but Duo was his life. How can he deny someone so important? Duo might have thought he was protecting him by presenting himself as a mere friend, but the way Heero saw it- there was nothing to be protected from. If those people couldn't accept his as whom he was, there was no reason for him to accept them as his family. It was that simple.

Both men seemed rather shocked, and Vanessa was appalled. Maya was the first to recover. Blushing lightly, she reached a hand towards Duo.

"Well! Uh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Duo." She said and shook his hand. Her husband, Daisuke, did the same. Wayne was the next to follow, mumbling an embarrassed "How do you do?"

Only Vanessa remained standing frozen, as if afraid that if she will move, she will somehow be contaminated by something like AIDS.

"Did Nora..." She began, her voice trailing off as she looked back at Heero.

"Yes, she knew." Heero cut in. "She had no problem with it."

Wayne smiled, a wide and toothy smile. Heero couldn't help but think that this man was with the wrong woman. "That's Nora all right. She was always a free spirit!"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "And look where it got her. She left Earth for the Colonies, went blind and then died of cancer. Pff! Good going!"

Her words hurt Heero more than any physical pain. How dare this woman, his aunt no less, speak that way of the most amazing woman he ever knew? How dare she!

He turned to her with an angry glare that could have made the entire oceans freeze over. "Nora lived her life to the fullest, and she had no regrets." His voice was cold and hard as he spoke, his cobalt eyes piercing into the blond woman with a vengeance. "She died happy. Not many people attain that privilege."

Vanessa seemed to get angrier at every word, her shoulders trembling as if she was about to launch at Heero with her fists. Wayne placed a strong hand around her shoulders, to restrain her more than to calm her. He smiled apologetically. "Forgive my wife, Heero. She is just upset. Nora's death affected her greatly, despite what it may look like."

"Sure doesn't seem that way to me..." Maya whispered to her husband out the corner of her mouth. Duo caught her words and smiled in amusement. That was woman was cooler than he expceted her to be.

"You shouldn't have come here, Vanessa." Daisuke intervened, his tone reprimanding.

"I have every right to be here! She was my sister!" The woman growled.

"You can at least try to forgive her." Maya said softly, her gaze compassionate as she gazed at the angry woman. "Your eyes hold the same amount of anger they held at Hayashi's funeral. You had a chance to forgive her then, when she needed you the most. But here you are now, still spitting angry words at everybody."

The blond woman opened her mouth to reply sharply, but no words came out. She remained gaping at the Japanese woman for a while, before snapping her mouth shut and whirling around to face he husband. "Come on, Wayne, we're leaving." She snapped, shoving her black purse under her armpit. "I don't have to take this from you! Any of you!" She muttered angrily, turning her back to them as she stalked towards the gate.

Wayne offered a helpless, apologetic smile. "She doesn't handle grief very well." He explained and it seemed like he was about to say something more, before thinking better of it. With a final little smile, he clumsily shook Daisuke's and Maya's hands.

"It was good to see you all again. Take care." He said, and then turned to Heero. "She's not a bad woman." He said, his expression giving the impression that he knew that his words were useless. "I'm glad to see that you're still alive, Heero. Take care." He nodded his goodbye to the young Japanese man and hurried to follow his wife.

Heero watched the two enter the car. It was a while before they drove off. Heero thought he could see Vanessa collapse into tears in the driver's seat, but he couldn't be sure. It was probably his imagination, but when he looked up again, he could see Wayne leaning towards her, offering a comforting hug. The woman shoved him away and started the car. And just like that, they were gone. He couldn't help but get the feeling that he will never see them again.

"Good riddance." Maya muttered, rolling her eyes. She turned back to her nephew. "I never liked her," she said, "I never understood what business she had in Hayashi's funeral. Nora was feeling torn apart as it is, and then that woman came and tried to convince her to come back home to the family business! How insensitive!" She exclaimed, turning to watch Daisuke who was kneeling in front of his brother's grave, pulling out a few weeds from around the tombstone. His movements were careful and loving. It almost hurt to watch.

"Nora couldn't bear to leave this place, where she buried her family." Maya mumbled, her gaze forlorn as she watched her husband rest his hand over the headstone, touching Hayashi's name.

"But she did." Heero pointed out, feeling the urge to know more. "Why?"

Maya sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know." She said, turning back to her nephew. "Maybe the memories became too much. Daisuke and I, we offered all the help we could give, but after some time she refused us. She wanted to forget, I suppose. So she went back to Earth. We never heard from her since. We knew nothing of her whereabouts, until Duo called us yesterday."

Heero turned to look at his lover, and Duo offered a small, sheepish smile in return.

"Are you two staying here long?" Daisuke asked, finally rising to his feet. He came to stand by his wife. He looked at Heero straight in the eye, and for the first time Heero noted that the Japanese man in front of him had grayish-green eyes.

Daisuke smiled. "Would you like to see where you used to live?"

.....

They drove in Daisuke's car. Heero and Duo sat in the back seat while the Japanese couple sat in the front. It was a fancy car, very expensive looking, as to be expected out of L1's residents. It made Heero a little uncomfortable, knowing that he came from such a wealthy family. Maya had mentioned somewhere along the ride that Nora's family was also quite wealthy. Her father owned a large oil company back on Earth. He had no sons, only his two daughters and he counted on them to be his successors. He also wanted a male successor, a grandson. Being that Vanessa was barren, he placed his hopes with Nora. But his daughter failed him by moving to the Colonies to be the housewife of an ambassador. He didn't want to have anything to do with her, even when he heard that she gave birth to a boy and that he finally had a grandson. Vanessa took over the company when the old man died. Heero began to develop a major headache from the entire story. Duo muttered something about 'soap operas', and both of them did their best to change the subject.

"So, uh, Daisuke," Duo began in a friendly tone, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but I noted that your eyes are sort of green. And I saw a picture of Hayashi and he also had green eyes, so, uh..." He got tangled in his own words, losing his question, but Daisuke already caught on. He laughed well heartedly.

"I imagine that you've noticed that most of the people in this colony are from European origin." He said, looking at the road as he drove. Duo could see a history lesson coming up. He looked up at Heero with an expression that pleaded for salvation, anything but another space-history lesson, his eyes begged, but Heero just smirked and shook his head in a helpless gesture.

Daisuke noticed none of that and continued talking. "When humans began to colonize space, Earth governments were getting worried about the population leaving the county. It would devastate the economy. Some countries, like Japan, issued a law that forbade its citizens from leaving the country. Kind of like China in the early 20th century."

"So how come you're here?" Duo said, rather tactlessly. He got Heero's elbow in his ribs as a response.

The Japanese man chuckled. "Well, some people made it up here anyway. And later on, laws were changed. But there weren't that many Asian people in space, so obviously they had to 'mingle', if you pardon the expression, with others who were mostly European or American, people who could afford to move to space. The integration took about two or three generation, but the result is clear."

"Japanese people with pretty blue eyes?" Duo offered with a cocky smile and a raised eyebrow. Next to him, Heero snorted and muttered a silent 'baka'.

Maya chuckled. "That's one way to put it. Some people call us 'half breeds'. Ch! Like we're dogs or something!"

"Do you remember how to speak Japanese, Heero?" Daisuke asked, glancing briefly over his shoulder to face his young nephew.

Heero felt a warm blush rise to his cheeks. He hoped that no one could see it. "A little." He admitted. "But I understand most of it."

The older man nodded. "Hayashi felt very strongly about teaching you the language. Not many Colonists speak it anymore. Our mother insisted that we teach our children Japanese."

Heero blinked, suddenly realizing, maybe for the first time, that he had a family now. Uncles, aunts, cousins and nieces, he even had a grandmother once! It was a heavy realization. He sunk back into the car seat, overwhelmed.

"Nora agreed to learn Japanese when she was pregnant with you." Maya continued to story. "She and Hayashi agreed to speak only Japanese at home until you were three, so you will learn and remember the language, and only then teach you English. We did the same with our children."

Heero smiled. "Yes, I know. She told me." He made a mental note to brush up on his Japanese. He didn't want to fail his parents by forgetting the language. He decided to take courses, maybe even learn how to write.

"How many children do you have?" Duo asked, leaning forward towards Maya's seat. He could see the huge grin lighten the proud mother's face.

"Three. Chidori, Kesuke and little Subaru. Well, not so little anymore, he's just about to enter college. Our birds flew from the nest a long time ago."

Duo nodded in understanding. He suddenly wondered if one of them had joined the army, maybe OZ or the White Fang. He doubted Daisuke and Maya would have let them, but he couldn't help but wonder if they ever met on the battlefield. He got these kind of ideas every once in a while when he met someone who was at the right age. It was twisted thinking, but he couldn't help it. The war screwed up with his thinking rather badly.

"Stop." He could hear Heero say, as he placed his hand on his elbow. "You're thinking about it again." Heero whispered harshly, knowing exactly what his lover was thinking. Maybe it was because he was thinking about the same thing. He wanted to ask his uncle, but thought better of it. He didn't want to bring up the war. It was a touchy subject. The two innocents sitting in front of him had no idea about his past. He wondered if they would have any problem with it if he told them. Something inside him told him that they wouldn't. They've already accepted him. Still, there was always the fear of being rejected. While he had no problem telling people about his sexual preferences, he did avoid telling them about his role during the war. He was proud and shameless about his love, but he was uncomfortable with mentioning his blooded past.

"We're here." Daisuke finally announced as he pulled into a narrow street. Duo and Heero turned to look out the window. Heero's eyes widened with a smile when he saw the green park stretching out the window. The drove by it slowly until Daisuke stopped the car in a small parking lot. It took Heero a short while before he could bring himself to move and exit the car. He reached shaking legs down to the ground, slowly standing up. His eyes looked around in wonder, absorbing the scene.

This was it. This was the park. He'd seen it so many times in his dreams, even before he met Nora. It was his private heaven. He always felt at ease when he dreamt about it. And now he was here. He was home.

The green park was rather small and modest. There was a large green hill surrounded by small planes of grass. Yellow gravel roads circled the small park, all of them leading to the center where a large sandbox and a playground stood. The playground was colorful and bright, consisting of many slides, swings and other enjoyable equipment. Small children were running and playing around the playing field, screaming and calling out in laughter. Young mothers called after them worriedly, chasing after their little rascals.

Heero smiled. He remembered the pride he felt when his mother let him go to the park all by himself. He liked to roll on the grass, down the hill and past the playground. He remembered the worms he had in a jar. His father told him that they'll become butterflies one day, but they just died. He felt so guilty for killing them. He remembered how he cried against his father's chest, feeling so bad for what he had done. He was only three years old. It was so long ago, yet he remembered. How can he forget? Those were his last few precious memories from the time he had a family. Those memories were lost to him for so long, but for the past year he had slowly gained them back. This park, the age of innocence it represented, raised even more sweet memories from his heart. It was a wonderful feeling, something akin to love.

"Do you recognize the building, Heero?" Daisuke asked, coming to stand by his side. He was pointing at the edge of the park, where a few tall and fancy condominiums were towering over the street. They were partly hidden by the trees in the park, but Heero could still see a few colorful flowerpots standing outside a balcony or two.

"Hai." He whispered, smiling. "Second building to the right, behind the trees in the park." He said, almost chanting. That's how he always remembered it as a child, and that memory stuck with him for as long as he lived. It was the only thing he remembered from his childhood even when he was with Odin or with J. He would look out the window, his expression forlorn as he quietly whispered it over and over. 'Second building to the right'. That's where home was, he knew. Odin used to mock him for it, calling him 'Peter Pan' [ii]. He even gave him the name 'Peter' on one of their missions. Heero hated him for it.

"Would you like to go in?" His uncle offered. "Someone else lives there of course, but I'm sure that they wouldn't mind if you had a look around."

"No, that's okay." Heero replied in a distant, dreamy voice, still looking at the white building. "I remember it."

He felt Duo come to stand by his side, taking his hand. He didn't turn to look at him, his eyes glued to the sight of a young mother playing with her son.

"I'll go wait in the car." Daisuke mumbled sheepishly and left the two lovers alone. He entered the car, where his wife was waiting, and the two watched the couple standing in the park, their expression wistful.

"He's really back, isn't he?" Maya mumbled, her eyes tearful. She was speaking Japanese.

"Hai." Her husband agreed, also in Japanese. "He looks so much like him, dear. It's amazing."

She smiled. "Nora knew what she was doing when she reunited us." She said, turning to face her husband with tearful eyes. "I think that they would both like us to be a part of his life. Hayashi wouldn't have it any other way."

Daisuke nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the sight of the young Japanese man walking into the park, holding hands with his braided lover. "Though he would have a fit if he knew Hikari was gay." He commented with a humorous tone.

Maya chuckled and slapped him playfully over the head. "Oh anata!" She called. "That was so mean!"

And the two burst into a well-hearted laughter, one of which they didn't have in years.

.....

They parted ways with Daisuke and Maya after the trip to the park. The married couple dropped them off at the hotel, after making the two promise that they will meet them for dinner at least once before they leave the colony. Maya insisted that Heero would meet his cousins and niece. He had no choice but to agree, his aunt was an insistent woman.

That evening, they ordered dinner to their room. A dish of roast beef and pasta, along with a bottle of red wine. Duo scattered candles all around the room and Heero spread a small picnic map on the floor. The two sat in the middle of the room, within a sea of candles, and ate their dinner. They saved the dessert for the shower. Filling the Jacuzzi with water, the two settled in the warm water, trying to relax. It had been a very long day.

Heero was sitting behind Duo, his back resting against the smooth porcelain of the large bathtub. Duo was sitting between Heero's straddles legs, his back pressed against his chest. His hair was unbound, floating lazily over the water. They didn't turn the Jacuzzi on, so the water was still. Duo poured nearly half a bottle of soap and bath oils into the tub and the exotic aroma filled the room. There were three candles burning in various places around the large bathroom, casting a dim orange light on everything. Shadows danced gracefully across the walls, and the only sound was the dripping of water when either of them moved.

Heero raised his hand out of the water, holding a soaked sponge. He wringed it a bit and then pressed it against Duo's shoulder, slowly massaging him. He felt like spoiling his longhaired lover. Duo surely deserved it. He had done so much for him lately, more than he could ever repay for. Tonight, he wanted to pamper him, show him his love in a more tender, sweeter way. Besides, after their little lovemaking session that afternoon, he was too sore to do much more.

He let the sponge travel up and down Duo's body, carefully washing him. He smiled as he felt Duo melt against him, purring in delight. Looking down he could see that Duo closed his eyes, his expression that of pure bliss. He leaned down and kissed his wet forehead.

"Nice?" He asked quietly.

"Mum hmm..." Duo hummed, too busy being a boneless puddle of goo in order to form any real words.

Heero chuckled. "Thought so." He said, dipping the sponge into the water, letting it slide down Duo's broad chest, across his abdomen... and then a little lower. He smirked as Duo yelped silently, opening his eyes and looking straight up at him.

"Keep doing that, lover-boy, and I'm going to forget all about your sore ass." He teased, a cocky smile on his lips.

"You wouldn't dare." Heero teased back, but withdrew the sponge anyway. "Come on, sit up." He said, nudging Duo gently. The longhaired man whined in response, but compelled to the request. He sat up, still sitting between Heero's long legs, his hair plastered to his back. He heard Heero open a shampoo bottle, and the sweet scent of vanilla and almonds filled the air.

"You got my favorite." Duo said, closing his eyes in bliss as Heero rubbed the cool substance into his scalp.

"No, I got _my_ favorite." He corrected. Duo chuckled. He relaxed even more, leaning his head down so his chin rested on his chest, and indulged in the feeling of Heero's fingers massaging his scalp. He felt Heero gather the heavy weight of his wet hair into his hands and applying the shampoo to the long strands as well. The feeling was nice. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had washed his hair. It had never been done so tenderly, so carefully. He loved Heero so much.

The pleasant ministrations continued, bestowing delightful feelings upon him, starting in his hair and spreading to his entire body. His heart felt so light, he began humming. His pleasant voice filled the bathroom with a cheerful, catchy tune. Heero smiled at the gleeful melody.

"What song is it?" He asked, beginning to rinse Duo's hair. He guided him gently back into the water, leaning back so that Duo could lean on him as well.

The longhaired man shrugged. "I don't know. I made it up." He answered simply, a gooey smile spreading on his lips at the feeling of Heero's fingers against his scalp again. He returned to humming it, and after a while, Heero joined in, humming silently along with him.

"Catchy, isn't it?" Duo asked, looking up to seek his lover's face, who was hovering somewhere above him. Heero smiled down at him, and Duo smiled back. He leaned down to kiss him on the lips. Without a word, he returned to washing his lover's hair. The bathroom coated with a honey like silence, pleasant and warm in the same time. Duo's pleasant voice continued to hum quietly, accompanied by the soft dripping of water as Heero shifted his position. He turned to hug his lover, both of them sinking deeper into the water. He pulled Duo close, one warm and slick body against another, and leaned back against the porcelain for support. Both lovers closed their eyes in pure bliss.

"Heero?" Duo broke the silence, opening his eyes.

"Hmm?"

Duo sighed. "I did some thinking, and..." he stopped, a dramatic pause, and then turned to look up at Heero. "I'm willing to make that trip to L2." He said, his eyes shining under the mellow candlelight.

Heero smiled at him. "I'm glad." He said, reaching up a dripping hand to caress Duo's hair.

"But not now." Duo added, "Maybe later."

"When you're ready." Heero assured him, stroking his hair gently.

"Will we come back here?" He asked, leaning his head back so he could look up at Heero. He could feel Heero's chest falter under him.

"I think so, yes." He answered thoughtfully, looking down at Duo. "Why?"

Duo smirked and then shrugged casually. "Oh, nothing. I just think that Maya is a really cool woman, yanno? She can kick some serious ass."

Heero chuckled and shook his head. "You know what you are, don't you?"

Duo grinned. "Yup! A total baka!" He called out in pride, waving an imaginary flag in the air.

Heero sighed dramatically, shaking his head at the act. "And that's why I love you, isn't it?"

"If nothing else, I make life much more interesting." His lover pointed out. "Not to mention I'm great in bed."

"Baka!" Heero called and smacked him over the head.

"Uncle Daisuke was right, Heero, you really do need to catch up on your Japanese. You seem to be repeating the same word over and over again..." Duo said, speaking like a rebuking teacher.

"You are hopeless, Duo. Hontou ni."

The grin was back on Duo's lips as he melted into Heero's warm body, sinking against him with a pleasant sigh. "Mumm... and that's why you love me so much..."

Heero smiled and wrapped his arms around Duo's slick body. "Hai, Duo, that's why I love you so much."

They returned to lying silently in the warm water, soaked with love and warmth. Ten days later, the two returned to Earth, and life moved on.

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**OWARI.**

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Um... Disappointed? Happy? Bored to death?! Tell me all about it! Please!

And, uh, one more thing. I don't make a habit out of asking for fan art... but I would REEEEAAAALLLLLYYYYYYY appreciate some fan art for this story. If you like it enough to draw something for me... well, all I can really offer in return is my sincere and eternal gratitude... Will it be enough? puppy pout

If not, well, can you at least review? pleading chibi-eyes Pwease?

**Naomi.**

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[i] The text was taken from the "Order of Christian Funerals".I am sorry if I'm offending anyone with this. Belief in God is a very touchy subject to deal with, I know. So if anyone was offended by the way I treated the subject, I apologize. Let me just say that I myself am I strong believer in God. Anything I write here has nothing to do with me. I remember reading in Episode Zero that Duo said that he didn't believe in God. Heero said the same thing on the show. A lot of fan fiction authors portray Duo as a faithful Christian. I wanted to write something different. So, once again, if I have offended you, my apologies.

[ii] In case you have a small hole in your education, and no one ever read you the story of Peter Pan when you were little, then here's a little FYI: In order to get to Neverland, Peter's home, you must fly to the "second star to the right, and straight till morning". Just FYI.


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